Bleats

Jessie J Made Channing Tatum Post A Naked Picture On Instagram Over A Bet And Suddenly I'm On Board With Their Relationship

Well done Jessie.

Channing Tatum’s relationship with musician Jessie J naturally is not a crowd favourite due to the fact that his marriage with Jenna Dewan was. But if anything is going to help you accept the new reality of this celebrity and absolute stranger’s dating life, it’s this.

As a result of a bet, resident hottie-with-a-body Channing Tatum had to post a photo of Jessie J’s choosing on Instagram.

And our girl really came through.

YES. That is a picture of Channing Tatum butt naked and showering. The careful hand placement/censorship of the image can be undone if you just use your imagination.

Even though we might still be feeling wounded from Channing Tatum’s break up and weird about his shows of public affection for his new lady friend (remember his improvised love tribute rap???), you have to admit, they seem pretty happy.

They play Jenga! And make bets! There are nekd photos involved! Sounds like things are going swimmingly.

So thank you Jessie J, for this wonderful gift. You guys are alright.

Would Chris Hemsworth Be A Bottom? The Important Question Raised By One Accidentally-Thottie Video

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Let us preface this thought experiment by saying that yes, we are aware that the extremely famous, hot and talented Aussie actor Chris Hemsworth is married with kids to Spanish actress Elsa Pataky. As far as we know, he is straight.

However, that does not stop the land of hypotheticals being a fun place to play, and right now people are very much playing with the question: Would Chris Hemsworth be a bottom?

It’s a question that was prompted by footage of Hemsworth feeding a quokka. The close ups on his Instagram are very wholesome, but the wide shot has a potent accidental-thot vibe.

The arched back crouching position that is making Hemsworth look like a beautifully sculpted masterpiece has stirred up a lot of thirsty conversation on Twitter, and the general consensus is that yes, Chris Hemsworth would be a bottom.

In case you’re not fully across the LGBTQ+ lingo, bottoming refers to being the person who usually ‘receives’ in sex. To be more specific, we are talking about receiving anal.

The theory that Chris Hemsworth would be a bottom is just harmless fantasising over a hot celebrity, no better or worse than women thirsting after the same hottie. Fantasy land can transcend a celebrity’s real life sexual orientation, just as it can transcend the laws of probability, physics, and whatever other boundaries your imagination can cross.

And though it is just theory, the evidence is rather compelling.

The reactions are also priceless.

At the end of the day, Chris Hemsworth can be whoever you want him to be in your fantasy. So if you want him to be a bottom, it’s your lucky day because this unintentionally-sultry Quokka video is the perfect stimulus.

Channing Tatum Shows Us How Not To Flirt In This Severely Cringe DM To Jessie J

For most people who are not Channing Tatum, this tactic is a surefire way to find yourself ghosted.

There is a general consensus that the way that Australians interact and flirt can be vastly different from the way that Americans do the same.

I can think of no other explanation than this for what appears to be Channing Tatum’s uncomfortable flirting strategy, other than that he’s so beautiful he’s never really needed strategies.

But even with that beautiful visage, there are limits to what someone can get away with.

Maybe it’s my Australian cynicism or my deep-seated aversion to tacky romantic ploys, but if anyone slid into my DMs with a ‘poem’ like the one that Tatum constructed for Jessie J, it’s highly probably that I might throw up. Or at least show mates and take the piss, which is what we are doing here essentially.

Channing Tatum has been romantically linked to British singer Jessie J since last October, following his divorce from Jenna Dewan. JJ shared to her Instagram Story a screenshot of their DM in which Channing responds to her fresh-faced selfie with some ~creative writing~.

“Yes I won’t rest till I caress Fresh face Jess. I will finesse till Success. Never digress. Just progress. Bless.” He wrote.

It’s unclear exactly what Jessie J thinks of this bad rap diddy situation, as she responded with what is an ambiguous and, to me, semi-jibberish comment:

“Hahahaha … Baaaarrs yeah.”

???

I think deep down, Jessie J knows that this is cringey stuff, and that for most people, sending this would leave you promptly unmatched, unfollowed, unfriended and whatever else can be undone.

But presumably, Channing Tatum isn’t too fazed about his appeal.

As a final note, I would like to appreciate the giant red arrows that Jessie J has drawn on this screenshot to make EXTRA clear that it is, in fact, Channing Tatum, who is direct messaging her.

When you’re dating Channing Tatum, gloating is understandable. Respect.

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