Ah Reddit, you’ve done it again. You’ve somehow managed to take your ongoing obsession with boners, Danny DeVito, a dash of his most memorable TV and film roles like IASIP and Matilda, and turned it into some pure gold.
Some person kicked started this hilarious saga over at AskReddit by innocently asking: “Which celebrity gives you the quickest boner once you look at them?”
Now a Reddit thread such as this would normally garner countless replies of “Emma Watson”, “Jennifer Lawrence” and *insert Hollywood actress, pop star or model*. One person decided to buck the usual trend by putting down Danny DeVito as the one who gives them the quickest hard-on and next thing you know, almost everyone else started naming Danny as their ultimate celebrity sploosh.
Look, I totally get it. I mean, have you looked at him and seen his work?
Danny DeVito is a god around these parts and the GOAT team can’t honestly think of anyone else on this green(ish) earth who could give us a faster boner than the man who gave us Frank Reynolds from IASIP, the short guy from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s twin.
Since this is Reddit we’re talking about here, there were some absolutely brilliant gems from some seriously thirsty folk who just wanted to show how much they (and their boners) loved Danny.
Here are just some of the highlights:
“Double D’s always get me going. Danny Devito that is.”
“Mila Kunis… Is second on my list, just behind Danny DeVito.”
“Michael Keaton’s nemesis. I don’t know his name, but holy shit, he played an evil cold-weather bird and it just made me hot.”
“Emma Watson. Especially when she puts on a lot of weight, puts on glasses, becomes half bald, and turns into a boy. That description sounds an awful lot like Danny DeVito.”
“Maaaaan you all are wrong, it’s the art critic Ongo Gablosian.”
“Gal Godot but only if I squint my eyes because then she looks like Danny Devito.”
“The nice lad who offered me an egg in this trying time.”
As fun as this whole thing was, I for one am disgusted by the lack of respect shown in that Reddit thread and all those people naming Danny DeVito should be ashamed of themselves.
The man’s name is Daniel Michael DeVito Jr. so have some goddamn respect.