Bleats

Cardi B Will Perform At Coachella Five Months Pregnant, Your All-Male All-Time Best Rappers List Is Invalid

She’s absolutely going to have some verses about childbirth on her next album and it’s going to be the hardest thing ever.

From smashing Billboard chart records that have stood since she was in kindergarten to smashing her debut album out of the park, Cardi B is absolutely killing it right now.

And over the weekend she topped off a brilliant last few weeks by being the musical guest on Saturday Night Live… and casually revealing her five-months-pregnant belly a couple of minutes into the first performance.

https://twitter.com/TheEricaAmerica/status/982856996717244416

It’s the kind of incredibly baller move your favourite male rapper could never pull off: “Oh hey, here I am, top of my game, and I’m just going to come out here in my custom Christian Siriano, growing a human on top of it all.”

And this doesn’t undermine the brilliance of her instant-classic incubation-denial from just two months ago: “No bitch I’m just getting fat. Let me fat in peace”.

Let’s be clear: there’s plenty of room for more than one woman to kill it in hip hop at once. Absolutely nobody benefits from pitting women against each other as if there’s only one seat at the table – we can have Nicki and Cardi and Rapsody and Syd and Noname and SZA and Little Simz and DeJ Loaf and Leikeli47 and Stefflon Don and Tink, and Beyoncé and Rihanna can be your new favourite rappers too.

Nobody loses when more women are killing it.

But with that said, it’s worth noting that Cardi is doing something not even Bey could manage: playing Coachella while Pretty Damn Pregnant.

She’ll play the massive California festival on Sunday, one of the biggest names on the lineup alongside Eminem, Migos (meaning she could well bring Offset and the guys on for ‘Drip’), Miguel, and, uh, Vance Joy.

Admittedly there’s a pretty big difference between five months pregnant with one kid and seven months pregnant with twins – which is what Beyonce would have been had she headlined Coachella last year as planned. (She’s making up for dropping out of the 2017 event by playing this year’s festival, as promised.)

But this is still one for the Backwards And In Heels/Gangsta In A Dress files. There’d be vomit more places than just his sweater if Eminem had to try and pull that off.

Cardi and Offset’s kid will have plenty of much cooler claims to fame, but at least they’ll always have a trump card when their whatever-the-2039-version-of-bougie college friends are bragging about how young they were at their first Coachella.

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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