Bleats

Likely New British PM Is Being Taken To Court For Lying About Brexit And It's An Idea We Can Get Behind

Can… can we do that too?

The idea that politicians are allowed to be less than completely assiduous with the truth is one which has been picked up and run with in recent times. The current president of the US has made a record number of screaming untruths, and the last Australian election surprised the populace with the discovery that lying in campaigns – which characterised most of the campaigns – is totally legal.

So it comes as something of a surprise that the man most likely to be the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom – Boris Johnson – will have to appear in court for allegedly lying about the benefits of Brexit ahead of the referendum that saw the UK choose to leave the European Union.

Specifically, he’s facing three charges of public misconduct in office in that he “used his position to mislead the public”, especially with his repeated and inaccurate claim that the National Health Service would reap £350 million a week supposedly sent to the EU.

Johnson is insisting that the case is politically motivated, although it’s been bubbling along for about three years now and the fact that it’s looking set to come to court at the same time that ol’ Boris is attempting to get the Tory leadership is just a delicious coincidence.

A summons to appear in court has now been issued, and the best part of this is that the offence (which was on the books in the 13th century) carried with it a threat of life imprisonment. Which could make campaigning difficult, in the admittedly unlikely event that the case succeeds in holding him responsible.

Will this be enacted here? Well, Australia wasn’t around in the 13th century and our laws are largely based on the English legal system so… hey, legal types, we might have ourselves a precedent!

John Cleese Has Gone Full Raving Granddad And That Makes Us Sad

Can someone get poppa a towel? He's having one of his turns.

As the UK lurches toward yet another Brexit deadline and ethnocentric political parties and outspoken white supremacists get more vocal and divisive, revered British comedian and man who shouts at clouds John Cleese has decided that the world needed a reminder of one of his worst hot takes.

Viz: that London was no longer “an English city”.

Cheers for the insight, pops.

And of course when someone says that the capital city of England, located in England, is not really an English city any more you know what he’s getting at. That it’s got all them… you know, them foreigners in it.

And if there’s one person qualified to opine about the negative impact of immigrants it’s a British man who now lives on the Caribbean island and well-rated tax haven of Nevis. You know, the Englishest place on the planet.

It comes on the heels of his fellow Monty Python alumnus Terry Gilliam telling Variety that the #metoo movement was “mob rule” and that hey, everyone knows that if ladies want to get into acting then they have to have sex with powerful men.

“Harvey [Weinstein] opened the door for a few people, a night with Harvey — that’s the price you pay,” said the powerful man from the entertainment industry. “It is a world of victims. I think some people did very well out of meeting with Harvey and others didn’t. The ones who did, knew what they were doing.”

Honestly, kids. Don’t have countercultural heroes. They just turn into reactionary dickheads.

The UK Has Now Deemed Milkshakes An Offensive Weapon

Yes, milkshakes - or, as we shall now call them, "the eggs of the North"

Like eggs in Australia, the humble milkshake has become the weapon of choice by British protestors unimpressed with the views of politicians with whom they disagree.

And thus, bizarrely, UK police have had the unenviable job of telling local fast food vendors located near planned far-right protests that they should not vend milkshakes or icecream, lest it be used in an offensive rather than refreshing capacity.

Enter Burger King – the vast multinational fast food chain turned unexpected anti-fascist underdog by defying this edict ahead of a pro-Brexit rally in Edinburgh by Nigel Farage, former leader of UK Independence Party.

Needless to say, this in itself caused a mini-uproar on Twitter where they were accused of encouraging political violence, holding political opinions they had no right to hold as a business, and all the other usual

Was this a brave stand on European unity? A cynical bit of confectionary-based culture-war profiteering? A firm commitment to their lactose-enhanced bottom line? It’s hard to know.

Whether or not all the boys were or were not subsequently brought to the yard could not be confirmed by press time.

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