Bleats

Fox Were Planning To Out-Avenger The Avengers With A Superhero Team Up That Thankfully Never Happened

Unless they were going to bill it as "Earth's Bonus Mightiest Heroes, As Well"?

It’s really easy to forget how few people expected the Marvel Cinematic Universe to be a success.

Here was Marvel, a struggling company who had licensed away all their recognisable intellectual property to other studios, trying to make movies about unknown nobodies like Iron Man and Black Widow, alongside borderline jokes like Thor and Captain America?

There’s no way it was going to work.

Who even are these people?

And that’s why 20th Century Fox, the now-vanished studio who had paid big for most of the marquee Marvel names, had an idea back in 2011 to do a big team up movie with their big names – the X-Men, Fantastic Four, Daredevil and Deadpool.

This revelation comes from Kevin Smith’s podcast Fatman Beyond, where he chatted with Zack Stentz, who went on to write the X-Men: First Class script and who was employed by Fox to knock the story into shape. He declined to hand over plot points, but it’s fair to say it was “ragtag bunch of superpowered folks team up to take down massive evil thing”.

Unfortunately, in 2012 The Avengers arrived and well, you know the rest.

And frankly, the more we think about the Last Stand-era X-Men teaming up with Ben Affleck’s Daredevil and any cinematic incarnation of the Fantastic Four – especially if it was the one that included Chris Evans, which might have been an issue – the more we think that…

Look: cinema might have dodged a bullet, that’s all we’re saying.

The Struggle With Spoilers Dates Back To The 1800s, So It's Not Just You

Fret not about your Game of Thones angst and Endgame anxiety, it's perfectly normal

It pains me to say it, but I have yet to see Avengers: Endgame.

I want to – oh goddamn, I truly want to – but being a parent of a newborn getting out for three hours of CG-heavy me-n-splosions time just isn’t a thing that happens without a lot of planets aligning.

Thus I have been facing the challenges of navigating the internet, where I live and work, without having the film utterly ruined for me. And gotta say, it’s not easy. Turns out a lot of people have opinions about the film, including this actual site. This one. Where I work.

This… this guy’s fine, right?

And no doubt you’re reading this and going “man, that sounds exactly like the situation readers of The Woman In White we in back in the nineteenth century!”

The Conversation helpfully pointed out that the serialised novel was ridiculously popular back in Victorian England and that when Wilkie Collins’ blockbuster was then published in a bound collection it came with a letter beseeching reviewers not to reveal details which might ruin the story for those following along in the weekly instalments.

Whoops.

And even then there were those that respected the author’s wishes, and those who delighted in telling the world the twist.

[Spoiler: turns out Glynde’s parents weren’t married. That probably had more of an impact in 1860.]

In other words: this isn’t new, and we still haven’t worked out a way to avoid it. So… look, we should probably just go see Endgame now, right?

Get Ready For The 'Try And Watch Avengers: Endgame Without Peeing Your Pants' Challenge

Avengers enthusiasts, it's time to really strengthen that pelvic floor.

The average human bladder can contain about 400 to 600 millilitres of water, and produces about 1500 mls of urine an hour.

With these hard numbers in mind, be advised that you’re going to want to give your bladder a solid wringing-out before taking your seat for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame.

This might be considered a spoiler so here’s a relaxing visual to give you a chance to opt out.

Ahhhhhhhhhh… oops.

Reportedly, the American AMC theatre chain put up a listing for the film which included the run time of 182 minutes. Yes: that’s THREE HOURS AND TWO BLADDER-POPPING MINUTES.

This was noticed by Comicbook.com before AMC edited their page to remove this little detail, and Disney have been coy about confirming or denying that the Phase 3-ending fillum will require viewers to install a catheter beforehand.

For comparison, Infinity War was a mere 142 minutes. Really flew by, huh?

“Hey! This cubicle is engaged, rat-elf!”

So maybe don’t down that massive Coke during the previews unless you’re planning on seeing Endgame in instalments.

Then again, the film is confirmed to contain Hawkeye so presumably there’ll be plenty of scenes you can go for a cheeky whiz without missing anything worthwhile.

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