Bleats

Weet-Bix Is The Most Underrated Cereal, Hear Me Out

Don’t hate, appreciate.

Weet-Bix is an Australian icon. It’s not quite on the same level as Vegemite or Aeroplane Jelly – mainly because it’s not as tasty- but it’s up there. 

I’m here to reject the “Weet-Bix isn’t tasty” way of thinking. I’m here to challenge how you view cereal all together. 

Sure, Weet-Bix is fundamentally dry and flavourless and sticks to your mouth like wet cardboard when you have a mouthful that’s slightly too big. But it doesn’t have to be that way, friends. There’s a whole world of Weet-Bix variations that are genuinely tasty and won’t remind you even a little bit about the soggy mush your mum tried to force feed you as a child. 

Juuuust enough. Source: Giphy

Weet-Bix is way too underrated, and it’s time it reclaimed its throne. And it all starts with how you put the Weet-Bix in your bowl. 

A tip: don’t just pile the blocks on top of each other- you’re setting yourself up for disaster.  Breaking each Weet-Bix apart with a spoon is much more difficult than it seems and by the time you finally manage to break them down into bite-sized portions the milk you also poured into the bowl has made them soggy, and no one likes overly soggy cereal. 

Instead, use your hands to break apart the Weet-Bix as you put them in your bowl. It will save you work and time, which means you’ll avoid soggy cereal territory. 

Another thing that’s important is the milk to Weet-Bix ratio. Dousing your Weet-Bix in half a litre of milk is not proper conduct. Instead, put just enough milk in the bowl to help moisten the cereal (so it doesn’t scratch your oesophagus on the way down) but not totally ruin it’s texture. 

About a centimetre or two in the bottom of the bowl is the way to go. If you want more milk, you can add more milk. But you can never take milk away. 

You are so welcome. Source: Giphy

If you’re the kind of monster that likes their cereal soggy, then ignore the top two points and just continue from here.

The next most important thing with Weet-Bix is flavour. On its own, Weet-Bix basically tastes like oatey paper. But, add some honey and fresh fruit and your breakfast will suddenly be transformed from drab to fab. 

Exactly. Source: Giphy

WARNING: honey and fruit will sweeten the milk which may cause a euphoric state. 

If you’re feeling especially boujee, you can add Milo to your Weet-Bix too. Another Aussie staple to help you start your day the right way and chocolate milk to finish – thank me later. 

So welcome. Source: Giphy

The versatility of Weet-Bix is also severely underrated. You don’t just have to eat it as cereal. You can slice each brick in half and use them as crackers with your favourite toppings. 

You can also use Weet-Bix as a supplement for oats in smoothies, or crush them up and use them as the crust in apple crumble. The possibilities are endless. 

Now go forth and use your newfound skills, young grasshoppers. And remember, it’s not about how many you do, but what you do with the many. 

To Weet-Bix! Source: Giphy

Why Do You Insist On Having Dessert For Breakfast, You Sugar-Hoofing Heathens?

Sugar is not a food group.

I will be the first person to admit I have a chocolate problem. Not that I think chocolate is a problem, it’s a solution. But if it came down to me choosing Nutella or a bath, I would probably choose Nutella. Hence, a problem. 

I really do. Source: Giphy

I would happily eat chocolate for every single meal bar one: breakfast. I refuse to have chocolate for breakfast because, and this may come as a shock to some, chocolate is not a breakfast food. 

I love Nutella but it doesn’t belong on toast. It belongs smeared over waffles with vanilla ice-cream or on a silver spoon while I eat it from the jar. 

Chocolate croissants, scones and porridge should not be eaten in the morning either. 

Actually, no food with a sugar content as high as your dessert should be eaten before 12pm. This means pancakes those pancakes you went to get because they’re rainbow coloured and have fairy floss on them are out. 

So are those waffles with icing sugar and that french toast that’s covered in maple syrup. I don’t care if it has bacon on it, it should not be eaten as your first meal of the day. 

NO.

Cereals are a tricky one. Technically they’re a breakfast food- they’re designed specifically to have with milk and start your day with an energy kick. 

But cereals have developed over the years from full of fibre to full of cellulite, diabetes and artery clogging badness. 

Oreo’s new cereal has marshmallows in it- marshmallows. When did pillows of pure sugar become an acceptable breakfast food? 

Never. The answer is never. 

Australia just did a re-evaluation of it’s Health Star Rating (HSR) system and, honestly, the findings when it came to cereals are pretty bad. 

The cereals we think are ‘healthy’ like Kellogg’s Nutri Grain and Nestle Milo (I repeat, chocolate is not for breakfast) have a lot more added sugar than they do naturally occurring sugars. Which means they’re more likely to rot your teeth than assist you on your health kick. 

When rated using the new health star algorithm, Nutri Grain, Milo and Uncle Tobys Plus Protein cereals all dropped from a HSR of 4 to 1.5. 

This legitimises my point: the more sugar there is in your breakfast the less good it is for you which means you shouldn’t be eating it. 

I’m not saying ever. I would be a hypocrite if I said that- I love me some sugar. Chocolate problem, remember? 

But it’s about not forming bad habits by excusing sugary foods as breakfast foods- pancakes smothered in syrup and berry compote are a dessert even if the menu tells you otherwise. 

Stop hoovering dessert for breakfast, for goodness sake. 

It’s no fun to eat if for breakfast anyway: why have it a 9am sitting in your dining room when you can go out for a gelato or freshly bakes crêpes after dinner? 

If You Eat A Meat Pie Like This You Are Not Human, Soz

America, sit down.

I interrupt your morning to bring you some breaking news: there’s a whole sub-species of people who eat meat pies like monsters.

There’s no way I can explain this, so let me just show you:

It just got suddenly cold. And dark. I’m pretty sure I can hear a baby crying somewhere and it’s raining outside. Everything feels sadder. This is not okay.

There’s a whole Twitter thread dedicated to justifying eating a pie like this, but I care too much for you to scar you in that way. If you’re a sucker for pain, you can have a look here.

The flawed logic comes out of America, which makes a whole lot of sense. A country which is known for fried chicken and cheese in a can should not be educating the world on how to eat a pie.

Leave that to the Aussies. Sit the hell down, America.

SIT. DOWN.

A meat pie no, a pie of any kind, should be enjoyed and celebrated like the delicious piece of art it is.

It shouldn’t be plonked onto a plate to sit sadly. It should be held up between two hands for the whole world to see.

It shouldn’t be flopped upside-down like the top crust doesn’t matter- the crust is the best bit. It should be bit into first. Or better, last. You should take the crusty lid off the pie, fill it with sauce, mix the sauce through the filling, eat the pie and then eat the top all by itself.

Dinnerware is not needed ever. Unless you plan to eat the pie like this:

This^ is the one and only exception to the no dinnerware rule.

For maximum enjoyment, purchase your meat pie from a local service station or stadium kiosk and enjoy at medium-warm temperature while watching a sports match.

Trust me, I’m Australian.

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