Bleats

Possum Magic Is A Damn National Treasure And Deserves A Movie

I’ll bring the lamingtons.

As a kid I hated to read. Hated it. I only made two exceptions: the Cosmo sealed section (when my parents weren’t looking) and Men Fox’s Possum Magic

What can I say, I have very cultured taste.

#DONTJUDGE. Source: Giphy

Possum Magic brought me joy on multiple occasions and makes me crave Aussie sweets every single time I read it. It’s a damn national treasure and has been recognised over the years with awards, a stage play, and a cook book which features recipes for all of the treats mentioned in the original book. 

But there’s one accolade it hasn’t yet been given: a movie. 

In a world where remakes have become the norm and where every second movie is a ‘family film’ (this year alone there’s been Toy Story 4, The Secret Life of Pets 2, Frozen II, The Adams Family, and more) this baffles me. 

Almost all of Roald Dahl’s iconic children’s tales has received it’s own film and yet one of the most iconic children’s book in Aussie history has never been put on the big screen. I don’t think it’s ever been pitched for a movie. 

I have no idea. Source: Giphy

Possum Magic would be, well, magic as a movie. 

It shouldn’t be a live-action movie – we don’t need more hyperreal animals on screen, The Lion King was enough thanks. It should be an animated film with the same stylistic flair as Monsters Inc: bright colours, realistic fur, lots of fun. 

Imagine watching Julie Vivas’ beautiful illustrations come to life as animations. Hush the baby possum would be so damn cute and the Vegemite sandwiches, lamingtons, and pavlovas would look extra delicious.

More importantly, a Possum Magic movie is basically destined to be successful. The story is nostalgic, it’s popular, and it’s adored. Both children and adults who grew up with the book would absolutely watch the film and absolutely love it.

If I had the power to make this happen I would, but that’s sadly not the world I live in. So I’m manifesting to the universe: a Possum Magic movie is going to happen.*

*Someone just needs to give it a contract first. 

The Ultimate Survivor Is Josie Alibrandi Who’s Defied The Laws Of Time And Still Looks Like A Teenager

Proof that tomatoes are good for you

Looking For Alibrandi is an Australian icon. It’s cherished with the likes of Nikki Webster, Budgie Smugglers and Vegemite. It’s the film that taught a whole generation of Australians how to cope with being a teenager, that not coping is okay, and that every family is a little bit nuts. 

Pia Miranda, the actor who brought Josie Alibrandi to life, is also an Australian icon. 

True, After Looking For Alibrandi Pia didn’t go on to star in anything of major note, but the one movie is enough: she will forever be cherished as the loud, strong-headed Italian teenager who made us all want to date a dude called Jacob. 

Even though it feels like yesterday, Pia played the role of Josie 19 years ago. 19 YEARS. Pia is now 46 years old even though I swear she hasn’t aged a day in the last two decades. 

But it’s not only her face which has defied the laws of time: it’s her body too, because Pia is on the upcoming season of Australian Survivor

So she’s ageless and fighting fit. Turns out all those tomatoes were good for something other than family bonding and a lifetime of pasta sauce.

Yowies Are Real So Guess I’m Becoming A Hermit

Nightmare material.

Horror movies are my personal brand of hell: possessed dolls and demons and human centipedes are a huge no from me. 

Supernatural horror especially terrifies me. It makes me so paranoid that I’ll even block my ears and close my eyes if a movie trailer comes on while I’m watching TV. 

Where can I get me some zippable eyelids? Source: Giphy

So when I heard that two Aussie teens recorded the sounds of a Yowie howling I basically peed my pants. 

Then I listened to the recording and I definitely peed my pants. Movies are one thing, but real life monsters are a whole other ball game that I do not want to participate in. 

Yowies are basically the Australian version of big foot. They’re big, fury, scary monsters said to live in the outback. 

Translation: NO THANK YOU. 

NOPE. Source: Giphy

The two teens were reportedly star gazing in the Gold Coast’s Tallebudgera Valley when they heard a “deep, moaning growl.”

Because a wild animal growling in your vicinity is apparently not terrifying, the kids hung around to suss out the sound. 

“We were sitting there and then started to hear the sound. It was clearly large,” one of the teens, Harrison Ryan, told The Courier Mail

“It was deep moaning growling, but wasn’t consistent. We were trying to see whether a cow would make that sound. We weren’t too sure and stuck around for another half an hour listening.”

Then, they went back two nights later. THAT’S LIKE EVERY MISTAKE IN EVERY HORROR MOVIE EVER: YOU NEVER GO BACK TO THE SCARY PLACE. 

Legitimate question. Source: Giphy

The scariest part about this whole story is that it’s not just two teens talking smack to scare people. Their claims have been supported by a legitimate zoologist and ABC wildlife expert, Gary Opit. 

There is always a possibility it could be the bellowing of cattle, but given where the recording was made I am inclined to think it was a yowie. The yowie calls are always very powerful calls,” he told The Courier Mail. 

Mr Opit claims to have heard yowie roars himself on a number of occasions in the Hinterland. Oh, and there were reports last week that 

The reports follow claims last week that a Currumbin Valley family had been stalked by a “large hairy animal” and the discovery of a large “footprint” at Mount French.

This is how I die. Source: Giphy

I’m officially never leaving my house again. I wonder how long I can ration the food in my pantry… 

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