Bleats

Scoobies Were The Best Way To Waste Time And Make Friends At School

Scoobie-doobie-DO.

Knowing how to make scoobies at primary school was like an instant super power – you were suddenly cool and had more than one friend. 

Okay, I use friend uselessly here. It was more that you suddenly had a bunch of people who wanted you to show them how to make a scoobie. 

Scoobies came in two varieties, the ‘easy’ square kind and the ‘hard’ round or spiral kind. There were also different types of scoobie strings: plain colours and fluro colours and strings that changed colour in a gradient. 

Everyone had a scoobie in their hands during recess and lunch and, you could always tell the really good scoobie makers from the amateurs because their school backpack would be covered in them. 

If you liked a friend you showed them by giving away your best scoobie. If you had a crush you made them a bouquet of scoobies. If you hated someone you refused to hep them ‘start’; their scoobie. It was like a whole other language and it ruled the schoolyard for a good portion of primary school. 

I have no idea why we stopped making them because, honestly, they were fun. They were also the best way to procrastinate: “I’ll do my homework after I finish this scoobie…

“…but I promised Mikaela I would make one for her too…

“…it’s too nice to give to Mikaela, I’ll keep this for myself and make her another one…

“…oh damn it’s too late to do my homework now.”

Seriously, can we bring back scoobies for adults because my life would really value from this kind of time wasting. 

Give Me Some Paint And I'll Create A Lane Just For Slow Walkers, You're Welcome

Road rules for footpaths, an innovation.

I am a fast walker which means I’m easily and inherently frustrated by slow walkers. 

Especially people who walk slow for no apparent reason. If they’re talking to a friend or distracted by their crying toddler or trying to rummage for something in their bag, I can half forgive them. 

If they’re on their phone, however, I will never forgive them. That’s just irritating and selfish and the damn worst. 

What she said. Source: Giphy

The thing I hate most about slow walkers isn’t the fact that they walk slow, it’s their total lack of awareness. If you want to stroll, or are too old to pick up the pace or whatever reason, that’s fine. So fine. I’m totally chill about it. But at least show some awareness for us fellow citizens whose pace is faster than yours. 

Cap knows the struggle. Source: Giphy

Some places in the UK, like Liverpool, have opened fast waking lanes to combat this problem. But we live in Australia, i.e. the land where tax takes precedence over all other citizen concerns. So fast walking lanes are definitely not on the horizon. 

But I do have a proposal: road rules for footpaths. 

Make it illegal for people to walk and text. Just like we have to pull over to use our phone in the car, people should have to step to the side if they want to use their phone while walking. 

Implement safety measures. For example, people should check to their left and right regularly when moving in crowds to avoid cutting off someone in a hurry or ramming into someone they didn’t see because they’re in a hurry. 

Accurate representation of how I feel in a crowd. Source: Giphy

If people are walking in a group, they should walk in rows of two. Like we used to in primary school (holding hands is optional). This will minimise the space they take up on the footpath and allow other people/groups to pass with ease. 

When walking through ticketing gates at stations or public events, people should have their ticket ready to scan. Anyone who gets to the front without a prepared ticket should be sent to the back of the line. 

Brutal? Yep. Source: Giphy

Finally, create a lane just for slow walkers. Australia is basically a mirror image of the UK yet the one thing we managed to not copy from them was the thing that would make our daily lives easier. 

I don’t care if you think it’s an excessive measure or if the government insists it’s a waste of money – dawdlers are the devil and my sanity is at stake here. 

Did I mention? Source: Giphy

The likelihood of these footpath rules coming into effect is zero to none so, rather than live in total denial, I’m just going to beg: for the love of all things speedy and holy, please, please, please walk at my pace or get out of my way. 

The Simple, Tiny Slip-Up That Brought Down A Major Drug Ring

Rookie error.

Everything I know about being a cop comes from television shows.

Criminal Minds is perfect viewing for a late night binge but isn’t exactly what I would call educational material. A lot of the police work we see on TV and in movies is sensationalised to make it more exciting.

But, occasionally, some crazy cases do pop up in the real world. The latest episode of Police Tape, Merrick Watt’s new true crime podcast, looks at such a case.

Get ready to feel intelligent. Bare with me, you’ll know what I mean.

This criminal is no Spencer Reid.

In the episode, Merrick chats to Nick Bingham, a previous detective superintendent at the New South Wales Police Force.

The pair start by chatting about the ins and outs of drug work (ie: the boring stuff that TV shows don’t show you).

“Drugwork is based around surveillance, the use of electronic devices to intercept phones and listening devices,” Nick explains in the episode.

“Drug investigations usually start with information…and then we sort of work from there as to who is involved in the network, where they’re supplying, who they’re getting it from and how we’re going to infiltrate them by way of undercover operations or through surveillance.”

Yep, it’s definitely not like on Law & Order.

Don’t change the channel just yet, this case gets good.

But bare with me friends ‘cause this is when things start to spice up.

Nick and Merrick begin to discuss a specific drug case. It involved over 100 shipping containers, with 15kgs of drugs ( pseudoephedrine, heroine and meth) found within 53 of them.

Now we’re talking.

Now THIS is exciting.

Now, I might not know a lot about police work but I do know a thing or two about lying. A good lie must:

  1. Include a little bit of the truth.
  2. Cover your arse at all costs.

In this case, the shipping containers are your little bit of truth. They were shipped into a shipment yard like normal and, before the police caught on, people were none the wiser.

The second point is where things started to go a bit south for the bad guys. And by south I mean they stuffed themselves over.

“One of the containers had tools left inside and ONE had a fingerprint on them which then came up on an international database as belonging to a guy of Chinese origin,” Nick explains in the podcast.

Eventually they tracked the dude back to China where, get this, he had already been arrested for similar importations.

So there you have it folks: a huge drug bust was made all because one guy forgot to pack his tools away.

Feel smart now?

Police Tape is available to stream on Acast, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

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