Bleats

Cairo Zoo Spray Paints Donkey To Look Like Zebra, And I Really Doubt That The Donkey Was Cool With That

The director of the zoo has denied the donkey painting allegations, but the internet seems to think otherwise.

Okay, let me set one thing straight: it’s not cool to spray paint donkeys, or any animal for that matter. So, if that’s something you’re in to, then you should go and talk to a professional about it and find some better coping mechanisms, as that’s probably a gateway behaviour into something pretty grim. So, yeah, don’t paint animals – cool?

Unless, of course, you have Dr Doolittle powers that enable you to communicate directly with animals in their own language. In that case, if you develop a friendship with a donkey of sound mind, and that donkey politely asks you to spray paint them, and the label on the spray paint says that it’s 100% safe to use on talking donkeys, then I see no problem with a little consensual donkey painting.

Don’t paint donkeys, folks.

Now, I don’t have the full details. Maybe someone at Cairo Zoo has Dr Doolittle powers, and maybe Disney are already in talks to start shooting the film about the Doctor/Donkey relationship, and maybe Scarlett Johansson is tipped to play all of the Cairo Zoo employees, the doctor and the donkey?

However… my gut feeling says that no-one at Cairo Zoo has Dr Doolittle powers, which makes this next bit pretty dark for animal lovers, and pretty dire for zoo punters.

Starring Scarlet Johansson as “Donkey”

A recent photo has sent Twitter into a tornado of zebra love, after a student in Egypt posted a photo of Cairo Zoo’s “Zebra” exhibit, clearly showing what appears to be a standard donkey, painted with black spray paint, to give it the same stripes as a zebra.

Now, the director of Cairo Zoo has denied that the zebra in question is in fact a donkey, but the internet disagrees.

Several animal experts have chimed in, explaining that zebras have black snouts and that (something that seems to clearly demonstrate that the picture below is a donkey) zebras do not have smudged stripes.

Yeah… check the smudges.

So, this is either another case of animal cruelty at a zoo, which is meant to be a safe space for animals – donkey or zebra.

Or, let’s remember that there’s still a slight chance that the donkey and their painter were consenting friends, who were able to communicate via Dr. Doolittle powers. If that’s the case, then who are we to judge?

If it’s safe and consenting, and the donkey in question better identifies as a zebra, then I say we leave the donkey alone, and let them live their best life as a zebra.

Or, yeah… it’s total animal cruelty.

One or the other.

Live your best zebra life, Donkey!

Boy And Bear Steal Our Hearts In Nashville… No, Not The Indie Band, An Actual Boy And An Actual Bear, Trust Me, It's Amazing

Video proves nature is awesome, also that Dads are incapable of recording anything in landscape.

Sure, Boy and Bear won us all over with their folky, rocky, indie vibes, but they weren’t as cute as the boy and the bear who are currently breaking the internet and melting hearts all over the world.

They’re even cuter than the Disney film Brother Bear, which was a great film and anyone who says otherwise has no heart.

I feel pretty strongly about this film, so feel free to skip the following rant:

(Sure, it didn’t do amazing things at the box office, and reviews were mixed at best, but you can barely blame the heartfelt romp for its failed ticket sales. This was a classic cartoon released at a time when audiences had moved on. If it wasn’t 3D rendered by Pixar, we just plain didn’t care anymore. Even with its Phil Collins soundtrack and ground-breaking use of different aspect ratios as a storytelling device, Brother Bear still lost the Best Animated Feature Oscar to Finding Nemo. I mean, rightly so, but how could it compete?)

Okay, rant over. On with the cuteness!

See those animated backgrounds? Stunning.

Now, if you’re ever hiking around Nashville, Tennessee, and you come across a native black bear in the wild, it’s important that you remain calm and try not to get torn to shreds by the bear’s powerful claws. The way to do this, apparently, is to dance with the bear in an adorable jump-and-and-down fashion.

Please refer to example below, with thanks to bear dance instructor, Ian Parker:

As you can see the loveable 5-year-old demonstrate, the goal of the jump-and-and-down dance is to win over your furry attacker with your overbearing adorableness.

It can be hard to master, but you’ll know that you have achieved the correct ration of cuteness to jump-up-and-down-ness if the bear mirrors your dance, rather than shoving you to the ground and gnawing at your spinal cord.

It’s important to note that Parker is demonstrating this in a controlled environment, at Nashville Zoo, where his dad Patrick Parker said “…Ian and [The Bear]’s jumping session lasted about 10 minutes, which ended up tiring them both out.”

Note the effects of the jump-up-and-down dance

So let’s recap: Brother Bear was an awesome film, bears can gnaw your spinal cord, and if you come across a bear in the wild, it’s essential to jump up and down and be as cute as you can for ten minutes.

Sure, Parker was demonstrating his cute technique at a zoo, but as someone with absolutely no knowledge of Tennessee black bears whatsoever, I have no reason to doubt that this would work perfectly well in the wild.

Don’t tell me how to bear.

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