Lincoln was elected by the people of Fair Haven, Vermont, to serve as mayor for the next year. Fair Haven has a population of about 2500 humans, but it’s not clear how many goats live in the town, or how many voted in the election.
Lincoln beat 15 other candidates, including Sammy the dog, Crystal the gerbil, and several other dogs and cats, and I’m starting to think this election was not an entirely serious one. Is democracy a joke to you, Fair Haven?!
The town doesn’t have an official mayor, but rather a town manager who performs many of the same functions. The election Lincoln won was an effort organised by the town manager to raise money to build a playground, but only about $100 was raised, at $5 per candidate. Only 53 votes were cast, which is low even by Fair Haven’s small town standards.
But Joseph Gunter, the town manager, isn’t disheartened. He says the election was “a good way to get the kids involved in local government”, and despite the low turnout, they expect it to be better next year, given this was the town’s first animal-based election.
Does Lincoln know that the election was a sham? Does he know that he isn’t actually the democratically-elected representative of Fair Haven? What if it was his lifelong dream to run for office, and now that dream has been turned into a joke? He can never show his face in the party room ever again. Poor Lincoln.
Lincoln’s job will mainly see him attend the town’s major festivals such as the Memorial Day parade, the Apple Fest, and the events held every Friday in the summer.
I’m sure Lincoln will do a fine job as mayor. Lincoln, we thank you for your service.