Cutting Joe's Narration From You Makes It Way Less Creepy, Way More Awkward

Less creep, more eek.

Warning: If you haven’t seen at least half of You, this post might be a bit spoilery.

Netflix’s hit series You really brings you into the mind of a hot guy who does murders, thanks to villain-protagonist Joe Goldberg’s constant voiceover.

Addressed to “you” – AKA Beck, the unfortunate object of his affection – it gives the show its subversive noir edge and keeps you within Joe’s perspective, even when you don’t want to be.

But it turns out that it’s doing a lot more of the mood-making work than you’d think.

We know this thanks to this video released by Netflix, where they’ve helpfully removed Joe’s narration.

That mortifying premature ejaculation scene? Even worse when it’s just heavy breathing and awkward silence.

Penn Badgley is very pretty – pretty enough to make a disturbing number of people want to look past the part where Joe does a bunch of murders – but even his cheekbone-fuelled intensity can’t make the obsessive brooding work on its own.

It’s the bleakest, weirdest protagonist edit since Garfield Minus Garfield. Which, I’ll admit, has way fewer murders.

If You’re Not Obsessed With Natasha Lyonne Yet, Netflix’s Russian Doll Will Make Her Your New Hero

"It's my bad attitude that keeps me young."

First things first: there are no plot spoilers for Russian Doll in this post. The eight-episode Netflix series is the darkest, funniest, and yes, most subversively feminist take on the Groundhog Day time-loop trope you’ve ever seen.

It’s the first truly great new show of 2019 – and it’s best experienced when you know as little as possible about how it’d going to unfold.

What I will tell you is that if Natasha Lyonne does not walk away with every single possible award she can get for this show, I will start riots.

Lyonne – who you already have a big lesbian crush on thanks to Orange Is The New Black – co-created Russian Doll with your funny godmother Amy Poehler and playwright and director Leslye Headland (Bachelorette). She’s a credited writer on three episodes, directed the season finale, and executive produced the full series.

And she gives the wildest, funniest, most instantly iconic lead performance in years: Nadia Vulvokov (“like vulva, but only if you’re dyslexic”), a chain-smoking software engineer who keeps dying accidentally and then finding herself alive at her 36th birthday party the night before.

Nadia is to bitches what Don Draper is to men in suits. She is Jessica Jones, but her superpower is insults. She looks like Merida from Brave‘s goth auntie and sounds like Estelle, Joey’s manager from Friends.

The way she says “cock-a-roach” should be in a museum.

She looks like she literally never showers and still manages to make a constant fug of cigarette smoke smell good. You are already looking for the perfect flame-red wig and practicing your smoky winged shadow so you can go as her for Halloween.

She is a human reaction gif. She is insanely relatable even if you’d rather get hit by a taxi than actually live her life.

Lyonne has created for herself a unique and complicated character who happens to be a woman – one who has good sex and smokes and isn’t always particularly nice to people – but who also gets to be wildly funny, from the savage one-liners to the way she falls (repeatedly).

The hair, the voice, the attitude, the clothes, the walk, the whole creation. It’s all her.

If you don’t already stan, you will after ten minutes.

Time To Get A Red Suit, Because We’re Probably Getting A Wild Wild Country Movie Starring Priyanka Chopra

Wild, wild anticipation.

Look, there’s a lot going on in Wild Wild Country, the Netflix doco that everyone was all of a sudden obsessed with last year.

The story of the community of thousands of followers of the guru Rajneesh who posted up in country Oregon starts a little slow, but it really gets going.

The outfits! The mass poisoning! The cars! The sex noises! The beavers!

But the most compelling thing about it was always Ma Anand Sheela, Rajneesh’s tough-talking, murder-attempting, instantly iconic right-hand woman.

Now, people who love cults but hate documentaries will be able to join in on the obsession.

Priyanka Chopra went on Ellen to promote her new movie Isn’t It Romantic, but ended up talking about how she’s developing a movie based on the story of the Rajneeshee.

Not only that, but she’ll also be starring – and who else could be the star but Sheela?

Director Barry Levinson (Rain Man) is attached to the project.

But the real question is: who’s going to do those costumes?

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