Bleats

Your Commute Is Doing A Number On You But There's A Way To Make It Work

On yer bike, everyone.

Hey. are you reading this on the way to or from work? Then know this, dear reader: we feel you.

A new study has been discussed by the Conversation, which concludes that capitalism is a flawed system which grinds workers up for profit. Sorry, that should read “that arduous commutes to and from work can be harmful for one’s physical and mental health”.

In related findings, water remains wet.

We checked.

Yes, it’s unlikely that this is news to you as full-time Australian workers in the eastern capitals spend an average of 5.75 hours travelling to and from work in a week.

And it turns out that the method that one uses has an impact on just how awful it is for you.

Here’s a not shock for you: driving to work is easily the most stressful way to commute, and is also the most common. So that’s getting your morning off on an anxiety-inducing note.

That fellow with the walker seems productive!

But there is a solution, of sorts. Another of the findings was that “Those who commute short distances, walk or cycle to work, are more likely to be happy commuters, which makes them more productive.”

And not to to get all structural about it, in Australia work tends to clump in the cities, where walking and riding distance means living in eye-wateringly expensive real estate.

So this could also be phrased as “wealthy people who aren’t in a desperate rush to get to work are happier than poor stressed people”, for the same reasons that boat owners file fewer complaints regarding their treatment by Centrelink.

“I TAKE ISSUE WITH THIS ROBODEBT NOTIIIIIIIIIICE!”

So… um, either you need to get real rich and live within a bike ride of where you work, or bring capitalism down and redistribute the spoils of modern production to all.

Either’s good.

There Is A Real Gold Poop Up For Grabs And Deadset It's The Most Aussie Thing Ever

Finally, you CAN polish a turd!

There’s no easy way to dance around this question, so let’s get straight to the point: say, do you want a solid gold poo?

That’s not a rhetorical question either. It’s a real thing that exists, it’s worth five thousand dollars, and it’ll go to one technically-lucky winner of Bowel Cancer Australia’s awareness-raising online competition about spotting early signs that something’s wrong in there.

And oh, to have footage of the meeting in which they briefed the goldsmith on this one-of-a-kind commission.

It’s also the Australianest piece of bling imaginable, although it’s for a very good cause: encouraging young men to be bowel cancer aware.

Despite being seen as a old person’s disease, it’s the cancer that kills the most young men and takes out around 4000 people prematurely every year.

That said, it’s also very detectable and has one of the best survival rates when detected early. So all the more reason to get a bit more poo-woke than you likely are.

It’s a term, now.

Anyway, we like things that save people’s lives and which also have the possibility of winning ghastly things, so we heartily endorse this.

Take the quiz, learn about your own, ahem, business, and potentially win what is likely to be the weirdest conversation starter in the world.

Honestly, what was the conversation with the artist like? We really need to know.

Can Someone Please Check In On Kanye Because We're Concerned That He's Maybe Not Being Looked After?

Look, we just want to check in.

This piece contains discussions of mental health

Mental illness, like physical illness, is often a goddamn trial.

It can require medication. It can require therapy.

And the most important thing, especially when you know that you may not always have the most flawless abilities of self-assessment, is to have good people around you who have your interests at heart that can notice when maybe you’re starting to drift.

Looking good!

And this brings us to Kanye West: a man who has described his bipolar diagnosis as confirming his superpower. And let’s be clear: we are pro-neurodiversity in these here parts, and celebrate the fact that brains are are gloriously individual

But. But but but but but but.

When rumours start to come through that West is looking to turn his Sunday Services – currently a private religious-themed musical gathering, according to his wife Kim Kardashian – into an actual religion, then we need to ask “is there anyone around checking in with a possibly delusional cat?”

Just checking.

And it should be made clear that until this point the Sunday Sessions have seemed more less church-like and more like a gospel-themed creative endeavour, albeit with its own merch line.

But when a guy who dubbed himself Yeesus starts holding “services”… you can see why even weird claims like “he’s starting a church and making a reality show about it!” doesn’t seem as unlikely as you’d hope.

See, bipolar is no small deal. It’s something which requires an amount of monitoring in order to be managed. And that’s where having people around who can go “hey, buddy, you seem a bit down/hyper, let’s check in for a sec” is really necessary.

For example.

And West has been very articulate about his condition and open about his experience of the highs (where he gets erratic and says things like that slavery was a choice) and the lows (which have seen him be restrained and forcibly hospitalised), as well as how paranoid-slash-grandiose he has felt. As he wrote on the cover of Ye: “I Hate Being Bipolar. It’s Awesome”.

We know what happens to celebrities when they’re surrounded by people who feed their delusions. Historically, it doesn’t end well.

And look, if you’re feeling a little off-centre, maybe it’s a good idea to check in with someone who cares about you.

If you or someone close to you would like more information about bipolar disorder diagnosis or treatment, contact Bipolar Australia

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