Bleats

RL Tales From Behind The Bar, Because People Just Can't Stop Being Creepy

You just can't make this stuff up.

I’ve worked at a pub for almost two years and I’ll be the first to admit: the way I talk about it gives the impression I’ve just returned from war. I can’t help it. Pub patrons, especially when intoxicated, can be downright horrific. 

A study even points out that working in hospitality is more stressful than working in professions like medicine or architecture.

You’ve probably been a terrible patron before and that’s okay. The best of us get drunk and subject the bartender to a 10-minute spiel about the injustice of paying 50c for tomato sauce – “it’s just so un-Australian!” 

Even the best of us have one-too-many.

We can’t be perfectly civil and appropriate all of the time. Rather, it’s the people who take it too far that really chip away at a hospo worker’s faith in humanity and their general will to live.

An acquaintance recently confessed that a guy spat in the ice well at work after she’d cut him off, which, unfortunately, isn’t an isolated incident. Bartenders are versed in dealing with “what the f*ck” inducing situations.

This message from a friend is a prime example:

“Had one guy 2 months ago ask how much money I make in a shift and if I’d like to double it by spending a few hours with him after work. He was maybe 60 years old and very serious about it *vomit emoji* then proceeded to come back the next day and tell me I wasn’t suppose [sic] to be offended.”

Excuse me sis???

Pubs, evidently, possess a special kind of energy. An energy more chaotic than anything you ever experienced in Year 8 science class. Unlike restaurants, they don’t just attract the hungry and thirsty, they attract everyone. This grants servers the unique opportunity to experience a full breadth of bizarre behaviour. Essentially, we see humanity at its worst. 

“I’ve seen a guy order 2 rum and cokes, skull them, and then projectile vomit it all back out along with what I think was a cheese pizza,” another DM reads.

Misogynistic behaviour is also a smash-hit amongst clientele. 

Simply pouring a Pure Blonde often proves a recipe for disaster as it leaves room for sexually-themed “jokes” about blonde women. 

How many fake laughs until you go away?

Being called a “good girl” by random customers is a personal fave amongst women.

So if you work in hospitality or pubs, in particular, I empathise. Hold your head high while you pour that middy of VB and ignore that creepy customer who only ever orders a parmigiana.

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