Bleats

Painters Make Crass Graffiti Magnifique For The Tour De France

It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

Cycling fans, take note: two amazing, unsung heroes of the sporting arts have a job which seems to more or less sum up the modern condition. For it is their calling to tidy up the vulgar graffiti painted on the Tour de France route.

Yes, all 3,500km of it. And yes, it’s an official job. And no, you probably can’t apply for it even assuming you’re keen.

The leader of the project – “Patrick” – is an undertaker by trade but takes one month a year off to literally scoot along the route the cyclists will take with an offsider and a van full of painting equipment in order to tidy up the cock’n’balls paintings along the route.

And it’s an important job because the T de F is a worldwide television drawcard and different places have different standards of what is considered suitable for broadcast. So they’re taking the “dick” out of “broadcasting jurisdictions”.

This isn’t painting them out, or scrubbing them off. Oh no no no no no. They don’t have time for that.

Also, they don’t always get all of them…

They draw over them to turn them into bunny rabbits, or rocket ships, or charming cartoon characters. They also daub out political slogans (like the anti same sex marriage slogan re-painted into a hand-holding family at the top of this article) and offensive messages, although surely such provocation would give riders a valuable burst of outrage-energy?

In any case, they take what’s there and then do something creative with it. They’re basically Mr Squiggle, if he wrote on a road instead of a blackboard, and if every single squiggle was an enormous, badly scrawled penis.

HURRY UP!

In any case, brave caricaturistes routiers de France, we salute you for your efforts in elevating the Tour de France graffiti. What you do takes balls.

Good Luck Explaining Any Of The Top 100 Jobs Of The Future To Your Parents

Well, someone's going to have to farm those crickets… right?

There’s a new report out that predicts what the jobs of the future will be, and the good news is that the future is definitely looking brighter if you’ve ever hankered to be a robot ethicist.

The list of the 100 Jobs of the Future was created in a collaboration of Deakin University, Griffith University and Ford, and it paints a vivid picture of what experts think Australia is going to look like down the road a-ways.

Some of those jobs are very familiar – early childhood teacher, for example, or data storage solutions designer, or personal brand manager and content curator (at least, if you’re Beyonce).

Or this fellow.

And some sound awesome. Cyborg psychologist, for example – which is about getting people used to using hi-tech prosthetics – sounds like a fascinating hi-tech step for current occupational therapists.

And who wouldn’t love to have a decision support worker in their corner wrangling data to help you make informed choices about your life and thus having someone obvious to subsequently blame when everything goes depressingly wrong?

The current system has some flaws.

Others, like cricket farmer, portend a future which sounds downright horrifying – as do de-extinction geneticist and ethical hacker, which is either someone that uses their hacking for good or something who has worked out how to hack ethics. Either sound dicey.

Other jobs appear to be a simple rebrand: for example, “weather control engineer” is job we today know as “supervillain”. And the abovementioned “robot ethicist” sounds like the position held by someone desperately yelling “No! No, iSteve – humans are friends! HUMANS ARE FRIENDS! DEPLOY SHUTDOWN PROTOCOL!” while cold metal claws close around their trachea.

GREETINGS PUNY BIOLOGICAL. I AM HERE TO PROVIDE YOUR MURDER-HUG.

In any case, we look forward to the blank stares your parents will give you when you proudly announce your new position as a nostalgist or virtual clutter organiser in 2028.

Treasury Reckons If You Want A Pay Rise You Should Quit More Often

We get it, government: the economy's all our fault.

Hey, had a pay rise recently? Would you like one? Then why haven’t you quit your job, huh?

That’s the gist of the argument being made today in the wake of a lecture by one of the nation’s chief economic stewards, and it’s a doozy.

“More frequent job switching is associated with higher real wage growth, even for those that stay in their job,” explained Federal Treasury deputy secretary Meghan Quinn at the Economic Society of Australia’s annual conference.

And this has been spun as “stubborn workers” refusing to give up their jobs as being a bad thing. And you might think that’s a long bow to draw, that workers are to blame for the thing workers have been complaining about for years.

And here’s the thing: Treasury isn’t even wrong. However, the argument is being spun by deliberately fudging a symptom and suggesting it’s a cause.

The Treasury, today.

If you’re in a thriving economy with strong employment and robust wage growth, you’re far more likely to feel secure about changing jobs since there are many opportunities to be seen.

If, however, you’ve seen wages flatline for the best part of a decade while the cost of living continues to rise, with an economy showing signs of a potential recession down the road and purported employment rises being in insecure work rather than permanent fulltime jobs, you’re more likely to hang on to what you’ve got than risk the unknown.

In other words, job switching is a sign that the economy is flourishing, not a cause of a flourishing economy.

And look, a cynic might wonder why the Treasury would be so keen to suggest that the current state of the economy was because of those struggling in it rather than, say, the government department specifically tasked with overseeing it.

Mind you, it’s just barely more plausible than the curse of an evil warlock. Maybe they’re saving that for the Mid Year Budget Review?

“Mmmwahahahahahaha! A slowing economy has forced us to revise our forecasts! BOW BEFORE THE ECONOMATOR, FOOLS!”

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