Bleats

How Long Does It Take You To Get To Work? It Might Be Quicker To Jump Interstate

Which of our cities are getting least fun for the work-travelling classes?

The average Australian commute grew from 3.7 hours wasted to 4.5 dead, dead hours to every week, which is a long time to get to work unless you’re immortal.

And all those smug people who live in the smaller cities and got to boast about how quick their commute was – Canberra and Adelaide, basically – had that condescending smile wiped off their dumb faces with the news that they were still spending nearly an hour getting to work.

“Sydney had the longest average daily commutes (71 minutes). In 2017, it was followed by Brisbane (67 minutes), Melbourne (65 minutes), Perth (59 minutes) and Adelaide (56 minutes),” the Conversation has reported.

“Reasons for the increasing commute time vary among different cities but may include increased road congestion, urban expansion and poor public transport services.”

Also, the proportion of people travelling two or more hours to work is now almost one in five. So… yeah.

So what are the answers to this slow growth of daily time burned off in traffic that you don’t ever get back?

One way would be for companies to move to where people are living, but that’s generally a big ask; the other costs of running a business are generally lower in places where stuff is easy to get. Also, businesses tend to clump together, which is why you get central business districts.

Some employers allow their staff to claim their commute time as work provided that they’re on their computers and phones during the journey. That could work OK for writers and helpdesk staff, but probably less useful if your job is selling hot chickens.

That also assumes that people are on trains and buses rather than in cars, which becomes less and less likely the further from the CBD one gets; especially in states where the approach to public transport is more death-by-a-thousand-cuts than about serving the commuting classes.

Another is to do a better job of high-density living than we’ve managed so far. After all, there are many, many, many cities which rather nail the lots of people in limited space thing. However… well, Sydney’s recent history of building robust apartment blocks has been somewhat chequered.

Or we could just go “seeing as though a huge slab of our jobs are about to be taken by AI anyway, maybe it’s time to abandon this whole notion of ‘working all the time and then eventually dying’ idea and evolve to a better way of living.”

So yeah. Maybe download a lot of podcasts; on the current evidence you’re going to have an increasing amount of time to kill.

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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