Yes, Vivid Sydney Is Crowded, That's The Point

It's that time of the year where the same old complaint rears its ugly head.

They say death and taxes are the two things that are guaranteed in life. Well we would like to add a third one: Sydneysiders complaining about crowds and pretty lights for about three weeks at the end of every May.

That’s right, we’re talking about Vivid Sydney and the inevitable deluge of complaints that come with it every year the festival rolls around.

We get it, crowds suck and you just want to enjoy your night out in Sydney without having to elbow your way from place to place.

But here’s the thing, having crowds everywhere during Vivid is exactly the whole point of the festival.

Before Vivid became a thing in 2009, winter tourist numbers and the nightlife in Sydney was crawling up and down struggle street. In fact, the city has been trying to fix this problem for years ever since the 2000 Summer Olympics ended.

In an attempt to inject some life (and much needed moolah) back into the city, Destination NSW (then Tourism NSW) decided to launch the lights/arts/musc/whatever goes festival that we all now know as Vivid Sydney. What initially seemed like a gamble ultimately paid off as tourists arrived in droves and money poured into the economy like water from a fire hydrant. In fact, Vivid Sydney 2017 brought in well over 2 million visitors and over $143 million to the state economy.

In short, Vivid exists to bring in tourists (and money) into Sydney every year, so it’s literally a life line for the city.  So to all those Sydneysiders who whinge about Vivid’s crowds and lights every year, quit your complaining because that’s the whole point of the festival and it’s helping to stave off boredom in your city while simultaneously saving it.

Just stop it.

Given all the ridiculous lock out laws that have left Sydney’s nightlife resembling something of a barren wasteland from Mad Max, Vivid is something that Sydney needs and complaining about it is just being ungrateful.

So enough with the grievances about the people and lights, and use that energy to join in on the fun. Vivid Sydney ain’t going anywhere so you might as well enjoy yourself and become part of the experience rather than being an old man yelling at crowds.

Some Mysterious Hero Is Drawing Giant Wangs Around Melbourne And Long May They Continue Their Quest

Okay, which one of you did it?

Remember when that pilot in Adelaide got so bored they decided to draw dicks in the sky because why the hell not?

Well folks, it appears they aren’t the only one who have an affinity of drawing male genitals in weird places because someone has been going around Melbourne’s sport’s ovals and sketching giant dicks into the grass.

To make sure this wasn’t just some fake prank, I went on Google Earth for research purposes and I can confirm first-hand that these massive schlongs do indeed exist.

So far this mysterious penis vandal has struck TW Blake Park, Preston, where they drew three wangs, one of which spanned the radius of the oval. I’m no investigator but I would hazard a guess that the smaller penises were practise attempts for the big one.

Third time lucky.

The vandal also targeted John Cain Memorial Park in Thornbury, where it appears they were still lacking a bit of practice of the giant dicks. The smaller ones were getting pretty good though.

Execution is sloppy but the size is impressive.

And lastly, there were two more wangs spotted in Hayes Park, Thornbury, though it appears that this was an earlier attempt by the vandal as grass has started regrowing over these dicks.

A premature finish.

While some folks (okay, just me) were impressed at the efforts of this penis vandal, others were unamused, and it’s not because the quality of the dicks ranged between poor to average.

Mayor and Darebin councillor Susan Rennie wasn’t particularly happy with Melbourne’s new batch of crop circles, saying:

“Darebin Council condemns this type of irresponsible vandalism on our parks and sports grounds. It is not a cheap joke – fixing the affected ovals is complex, costly and time-consuming.

“Council is taking action to remove the graffiti, but it can take months for the grass to recover, during which time our community are left using substandard grounds which can be a safety hazard.”

That’s fair enough. As impressive as these wangs are, it is a bit of a, ahem, dick move to vandalise the pristine lawns of popular sports ovals that are visited by people all the time.

After all, no one wants their kid to trip over on a dick-shaped patch of dirt when they’re trying to play sportsball.

At the time of writing, no one knows who the penis vandal is, though it is believed he – because let’s be honest, it’s almost definitely a guy – drew these phallic glyphs at some point in late 2018 as part of some high school “muck-up” prank.

Expensive vandalism aside (which we don’t condone at all of course), we have to give props to the vandal for the audacity and ambition of this prank.

We may never know who did it or if they’ll strike again, but they’re out there, perhaps waiting for the right time to make a triumphant return with yet another phallic crop circle.

A New Mortal Kombat Movie Is Being Filmed In The Most Boring Place In Australia

Bloody fantastic.

After wondering exactly why Australia doesn’t treat its gaming industry with the same respect as its film industry, it appears that the people in charge have decided to split the difference by making a big-budget video game movie in the country instead.

South Australian Premier Steven Marshall announced that the long-awaited Mortal Kombat movie reboot has been given the greenlight and will be filming in, wait for it, Adelaide.

That’s Adelaide in South Australia. Huh.

Of all the things that could’ve happened this week, I definitely wouldn’t have predicted the movie adaptation of one of the most entertainingly violent video game series ever conceived being filmed in the most boring place in Australia.

Joking aside (Adelaide is a lovely place and far from the most boring place in Australia), having Mortal Kombat in Adelaide is good news as the film will be the city’s largest ever production. The movie is projected to create about 580 jobs with 1,500 extras, and provide about $70 million to the local economy.

Couple this announcement with Labor wanting to bring back the $25 million Australian Interactive Games Fund, it seems like Australia is very slowly building up its video game industry once again.

Now as for whether Mortal Kombat will be good or be the latest in a long line of awful video game movies, well we have no idea but there’s some good behind-the-scenes talent on the project with Aquaman director James Wan and Tag producer Todd Garner serving as executive producers, and Simon McQuiod directing.

As long as there’s a bunch of fatalities from the likes of Sub-Zero and Scorpion, I’ll be happy.

It’s just a mere flesh wound.

It’s way to early to judge how the film is going to turn out so let’s just be happy at the news because there’s a new Mortal Kombat movie being made and it’s going to be filmed in Adelaide. That’s already a damn big win in my book, irrespective of the final product’s quality.

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