Bleats

When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be This 82-Year-Old Badass Who Beat Up An Intruder

It's not the years, it's the mileage.

From having an 83-year-old granny who has her way with fkbois to the increasing number of kickass grannies appearing on TV and film, old ladies have been getting stuff done recently. And now we have a new entry to the “badass grannies” list: an 82-year-old woman who took down a would-be home intruder with her bare hands.

Respect your elders.

According to WHAM-TV, 82-year-old Willie Murphy was about to go to bed one night when a drunk chap started pounding on her door and demanding he be let in. After calling the police, Murphy was forced to spring into action when the dude broke through her front door.

The ensuing confrontation turned out to be a one-sided beat down for the ages… in favour of Murphy that is. She may be an 82-year-old lady who stands at only 152cm and weighs 47kg, but she also happens to be the 2018 World Natural Powerlifting Federation Upstate New York champ.

Chatting to Democrat and Chronicle, Murphy says she attacked the man with a stool and hit him so hard she broke the stool. As the bloke laid disoriented on the ground, she poured shampoo in his eyes before she continued wailing on him with a broom.

As Murphy was kicking the crap out of the intruder, she had only one thought going through her head: “If it’s my time to go to hell, I’m taking him with me!”

Damn, that’s awesome.

By the time the police arrived at Murphy’s house, the dude was ready for an ambulance (which was eventually called for him). The cops were so impressed that they stayed back behind and asked for a few photos with Murphy because it’s not everyday you meet an 82-year-old badass.

But the thing that sealed Murphy’s position in the “Badass grannies Hall of Fame” was the thing was her response after the intruder was taken away. When asked about whether she would press charges against the guy, she decided no because he’s paid for his crime already, saying “I already sent him to the hospital.”

Yep that settles it. When I grow up, I want to be cool as Willie Murphy.

Guy Completely Cooks It At Online Dating, Makes His Own App Instead

And still he only matches with bots.

Look, online dating is a tough gig these days. After wading through the many, many dating apps that are out there (before settling on Tinder like everyone else), you then have to make a detailed profile that includes a bunch of well-lit photos of yourself.

After that, you then have to swipe through countless profiles while hoping the app’s algorithm takes pity on you and pushes you to the forefront of people’s phones. Online dating is meant to be fun, not a chore.

So in an attempt to game the online dating world, a 30-something bloke by the name of Aaron Smith decided to save himself a heap of trouble and heartache by making his own dating app called “Singularity.”

It works just like Tinder in that you swipe left for a no and swipe right for a yes. There is a catch with Singularity though: the only profile on the app is Smith’s.

With the help of a software engineer friend and a heap of pent-up frustration over trying to find love via online dating, Smith decided to make Singularity as a way to vent while also having a laugh.

The joke is clear from the onset as the app asks your social security number to login, as well as a secondary login option via an “Okay fine” button. Hell, the “Privacy” policy is literally just the link to the music video for ‘Every Breath You Take.’

But there’s also a hint of seriousness with Singularity as the app bypasses the infinite scrolling you find on Tinder in favour of an ending card with Smith’s contact info and the line, “Yes, this is a joke. But what if it isn’t?”

Chatting to CNET, Smith says he’s had a few Facebook friend requests through Singularity but it isn’t going to stop him from using Bumble. That being said, he says he met his last serious girlfriend through Tinder so he’s more than open to meeting someone through his (semi) joke app.

The biggest of props to Smith for thinking outside the box when it comes to online dating. It certainly isn’t easy and here’s hoping he finds someone, whether it’s through Singularity or some other app. And hey, everyone got a good laugh out of this at the very least so it’s a win-win as far as we’re concerned.

You Missed The Chance To Buy A Legit 'Star Wars: Rise Of Skywalker' Script On EBay

It's what happens when someone tells you the odds.

The folks behind Star Wars have made secret-keeping and leak prevention into something of an art form ever since Disney took over the franchise. So it’s a bit of a surprise to hear from J.J. Abrams himself that not only did someone manage to lose a Rise of Skywalker script, it even appeared on eBay for everyone to bid on.

Chatting about this heart-rate raising moment on Good Morning America, the director said one of his stars – he wouldn’t name who – left their Rise of Skywalker script “under their bed” and it was found by the cleaner, who gave it to a Star Wars-loving friend – who then promptly put it up on eBay.

Now before you go scouring eBay for this Rise of Skywalker script, Abrams said Disney caught wind of it and quickly got it back before Star Wars nerds parted with their life savings in an attempt to gain access to this treasure chest of secrets before the film’s December 20 release date.

While some folks would’ve been wary of getting their hands on the script for fear of spoilers, the temptation of the Dark Side might’ve been too great given how Rise of Skywalker is the grand conclusion of everything (until the new films arrive in 2022). Plus there’s the interesting tidbit of how Abrams picked George Lucas’ brain for ideas on how to end the Sequel Trilogy, which makes things even more intriguing.

But alas, we’re starting to delve into ‘what if” territory now so let’s just give props to Disney for somehow containing the leak and maintaining its reputation for being the Fort Knox of spoilers.

This just leaves one remaining question about this weird little Rise of Skywalker story: who was the one who left their script for the cleaner to find?

Presumably it’s one of the leading stars since they’re likely the only ones who have access to the script. We can only assume that they had to have a very uncomfortable chat with J.J. Abrams and their Disney bosses about losing such an important item.

If we were to hazard a guess, our money is on either John Boyega or Oscar Isaac because we can’t really see Daisy Ridley or Adam Driver being so careless.

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