From cosmetic surgery to bleaching your labia, there are loads of ways to “fix” the hideous outsides of your terrible, disastrous genitals.
But did you know there can be things wrong with the inside of your bits that have nothing to do with being healthy and doing the job a vagina is designed to do?
For example, the makers of the “Jamu Stick” think they need exfoliation.
There are so many things wrong with this I don’t even know where to begin.
For one thing, exfoliation is removing dead skin, and the lining of the vaginal canal is not made of skin.
You cannot exfoliate it – it’s a mucous membrane covered in self-refreshing epilethial cells. It’s like trying to exfoliate your tonsils.
For another, some people like a smooth vulva – whatever blows your hair back. But is a smoother vagina really something you’re after? Is anyone who has vaginal sex actually sitting around going “Well, this is fun and all, but it would be better without all this annoying friction!”
And putting random junk in your vagina is way more likely to mess with the pH balance and the flora that keep it healthy than it is to “fix” it.
And you do not need to put any expensive hippie scam up your vagina to “tighten” it. You can’t “tighten” it anyway – what you’re talking about there is strengthening your pelvic floor, which is not just about giving penises a more special hug but a good thing in general for your reproductive and pee-related health.
I repeat: you do not need a Gwyneth-approved jade egg to strengthen your pelvic floor. Doing your kegels is free.
The product is still online on the company’s own website, but has been removed from Etsy, with a spokesperson telling HuffPost UK: “As outlined in our policies, we do not allow content that promotes prohibited medical claims.”
Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like your vagina is dirty or not good enough.
Vaginas are self-cleaning.
You do not need to wash them, douche them, scrub them, scrape them, or put anything up there that isn’t either collecting blood or giving you orgasms.