Bleats

Never Forget How Awful We All Were To Kristen Stewart And Robert Pattinson During Their Twilight Years

Kudos to Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson for surviving that period.

Ah Twilight. That crazy period between 2008 to 2012 seems like so long ago. Fortnite didn’t exist, vampires and werewolves were still a thing, and the only thing people – particularly Twihards – wanted to talk about was Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.

While Twilight is something most of us have since moved on from, it’s hard to forget the crazy – and occasionally awful – fervor that surrounded both Kristen and Robert during that period.

*Cue the squeals of millions of fans*

The whole “dating while being the face of a huge franchise” thing meant everyone’s eyes were on the then-couple’s every move at all times. Not only did the pair have little to no privacy during those years due to all the paparazzi and media attention showered upon them, but the fans also bought into that whole narrative.

The almost-possessive behaviour from fans towards the media-shy couple was horrendous at times as many projected their fantasies upon the pair and basically refused to leave them alone. Those who didn’t like Twilight also felt the need to add to the dog pile and the result was a toxic cocktail of attention that’s hazardous to everyone’s health.

Then there was the whole “Kristen cheated” saga.

Must. Avert. Eyes.

With the facade of their “perfect love story” shattered, fans and the media completely shat all over Kristen (who later issued out a public apology) while showering Robert with unwanted sympathy and pity. Rather than let the pair figure out their personal stuff in private, everyone basically forced them to air all that dirty laundry out in public.

When folk like Donald Trump is tweeting about them, that’s when you know something is messed up.

That was towards the end of the Twilight saga and the couple broke up not long after, but the shadow of that franchise continue to linger over the pair long afterwards. Despite all the great work they’ve done since, people simply refused to let them move on from that shiny vampire period.

Every Twilight fan basically.

It’s only the last couple of years that the Twilight dust seemed to settle for the pair as people finally started recognising Kristen and Robert as the critically-acclaimed indie darlings they’ve work so hard to be post-Twilight.

So let’s never forget how insane that 2008 to 2012 period was for Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Massive props to the pair for surviving those crazy years because we weren’t particularly kind to them and they didn’t deserve all that awful, unwanted attention.

When Exactly Did We All Start Hating On Gwyneth Paltrow?

A serious investigation into the starting point of when Gwyneth Paltrow became the internet's punching bag.

Gwyneth Paltrow says dumb stuff. That much we know is true. Hell, she says and does so much facepalm-y stuff that coming up with new ways to make fun of her actually gets exhausting.

But here’s a big question: When exactly did Gwyneth become the internet’s punching bag?

Ummmm…

Surely there was a point before the tide turned and the name “Gwyneth Paltrow” became synonymous with “insufferable idiot”. Since this is a very serious question that deserves a deep dive, the GOAT team decided to go through the many – MANY – “Gwyneth” moments over the last few decades in order to find the origin point of all this hate.

It was a hell of a rage-inducing odyssey but we managed to narrow it down to a few key moments where Gwyneth could’ve plausibly taken on the “butt monkey” tag.

Winning the Best Actress Oscar

Between her ill-fitting pink dress, her blubbering acceptance speech and winning the Oscar over other better performances, the whole night was a cauldron pot of hate-worthy moments for Gwyneth critics.

Naming her daughter “Apple” and other random cringey mum bits

When Gwyneth decided to name her daughter Apple, this felt like a slap in the face for many. Like, who names their kid after a fruit? It’s bonkers.

While this would be nothing compared to the glut of weird celebrity baby names we see these days, it was a bit of an anomaly back in 2004 and it made people think that maybe Gwyneth was a bit of a lemon.

Then there’s all the weird stuff she’s said and done since she’s become a mother, like posting photos of Apple without permission and telling folks – without irony – that being a mum is harder for an actress than someone with an office job.

Heavy front-runner this one.

Oh boy…

“Conscious uncoupling”

The whole divorce announcement was actually really nice since it was made clear that there was still much love and respect, but Gwyneth labeling it “conscious uncoupling” pushed it from “awww” and straight into “oh for god’s sake.”

Why couldn’t she just go with a simple “we’re breaking up” announcement, Gwyneth?

No wonder why her new husband can only stand to hang out with her a few days a week.

Plugging her weird Goop stuff

Hoo boy, where do we even begin with the dumpster fire of a lifestyle brand that is Goop.

There’s the ridiculously expensive health fads, the absolutely bonkers gift guides, promoting the shoving of jade eggs up people’s vaginas as a positive thing, and just making up weird crap for her website. And that’s just from the last few months.

Enough said.

Forgetting she was in a bunch of Marvel movies

The last thing you want to do is piss off comic book fans and Gwyneth somehow managed to do it by simply forgetting that she’s been in some of the biggest Marvel films ever.

In her defence, she’s been in seven Marvel films so it can get a little hazy but try telling that to annoyed fanboys.

Toxic Masculinity Went Full Throttle On Fast And Furious With The Stars’ Pathetic Demands

Pitting three protein-chugging bros on a Fast and Furious movie set was always going to end in tears.

Fast and Furious has unexpectedly become a behemoth of a franchise over the past decade or so. They continue to find ways of defying the laws of physics with their action scenes, the cars have become even flashier, and the cast continues to get bigger with the addition of several A-list stars like Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham.

With so much money and star power on one movie set, you’d think that a lot of ego massaging would be going on to appease all those A-listers, particularly the male leads.

And you’d be completely right actually because it turns out that Fast and Furious is less of a movie and more a haven of toxic masculinity courtesy of Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham.

Run at me, bro.

According to The Wall Street Journal, the making of the last few Fast and Furious movies essentially consisted of trying to not make either Diesel, Johnson or Statham look, ahem, weak.

In fact, the trio’s respective egos were so fragile that each had a ridiculous agreement that limits how many punches they can take during a fight scene, though this was later abandoned because it just caused unnecessary headaches for the poor film crew.

According to producers and crew members on the films, Mr. Statham, 51 years old, negotiated an agreement with the studio that limits how badly he can be beaten up on screen.

Mr. Diesel, 52, has his younger sister, a producer on the films, police the number of punches he takes. And Mr. Johnson, 47, enlists producers, editors and fight coordinators to help make sure he always gives as good as he gets.

Diesel sounded particularly sensitive to all the male energy that was happening on the Fast and Furious set, so much so that his sister Samantha Vincent, who is a producer on the films, weighed in on fight scenes and rehearsals to make sure her bro got to “get his licks back in.”

Three punches for you, three punches for me.

That only scratches the surface of this protein-heavy saga as this level of dick-swinging went above and beyond onscreen fisticuffs. Statham reportedly liked to stop by the editing room to give his input on the fight scenes (i.e twisting the editor’s arm to make him look better).

If you think this is all pathetic and ridiculous, you’d be correct but you also haven’t heard the worst of it yet.

According to a crew member working on The Fate of the Furious, there was a scene that required Johnson to be lying on the ground at Diesel’s feet. Apparently this was too much for Johnson’s fragile ego to handle and he insisted that his character should “at least be sitting up.”

Guess that explains where scenes like this came from.

Must. Overcompensate.

While all the men were worried over who looks the best, the women were didn’t really give a crap about this sort of “scorekeeping” and were, you know, adults about the whole thing.

It’s all pretty pathetic and speaks volumes about why we must quash this toxic masculinity thing once and for all. Then again, should we have expected anything more from three hyper-masculine bros who are in reality nothing more than “candy asses“?

Definitely not.

#Trending

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