Bleats

I Re-Read My Twilight Fan-Fiction And It Was An Experience

Stephenie Meyer, eat your heart out.

When I was much, much younger I had a dark obsession. Nothing else in my life mattered but this one thing. My friends had to like this thing, my clothes had to reflect this thing, and even my bedroom decor was designed around this thing. 

My world was all red, white, and black. I loved sparkly vampires and red apples and wanted to drive a Chevrolet for no other reason but because Bella Swan drove one. I even wrote (deep breath) a Twilight FanFiction. I technically wrote one-and-a-half FanFictions from 2008-2011 which was about how long it took for the obsession to wear off. 

I’m not proud of my past. I don’t talk about it easily. But it’s time to tell my story. 

What she said. Source: Giphy

Picture this: nerdy little 10-year-old stumbles upon a book and likes the cover. She had been recommended the novel by a friend so decided to give it a read – innocent enough. 

I read Twilight just before it exploded into the world and was instantly obsessed. 

My whole friendship group at school was obsessed. We were known for being obsessed. We were the ‘nerdy’ girls who loved fictional characters and read books in our lunch break and wrote FanFiction to channel our romantic fantasies. Sometimes we would even write ourselves into them. 

Not kidding. 

I didn’t just have my own FanFiction account, I also had a joint account with my best friend at the time (Gabby- shout out to you). 

All my closest friends had their own accounts where they would either a) leave me supportive reviews or b) write their own stories. Those friends have asked not to be identified in this article. 

Some friends you are. Source: Giphy

Every time I remember this period of my life I feel a mixture of shame and amusement. 

Because I’m a masochist (I still can’t use that word without thinking of Edward Cullen), I decided to re-read my Twilight FanFictions. 

Also because facing up to your demons is powerful thing to do. But mostly the first thing. 

I will not be providing titles, links or Googleable details. I’m not ready to bare by soul to the world that much. But I will provide snippets for your painful enjoyment. Also because if I have to relive the pain so do you. 

To ease you in, to get you in the right state of mind, here’a screenshot of my FanFiction profile. No judgment zone please. 

I would like to clarify that my reading repertoire has since expanded beyond fantasy-fiction and that I no longer write in abbreviations or use so many exclamation points. 

I also have much more nuanced conversations with my friends. We now talk about political issues and which celebrity has the best abs. 

Honestly, how I became a legitimate writer after all of this^ is beyond me. Follow your dreams, kids. 

Chase those dreams. Source: Giphy

My first FanFiction, the one I somehow managed to finish writing (21 chapters later), has the following plot summary: 

Bella is best friends with Alice Cullen and knows everyone in the Cullen family except for Alice’s mysterious older brother Edward. She begins to see red eyes in the bushes and little does she know, but someone is after her. Who? Why? Is Edward involved?

I honestly don’t remember the plot at all. I don’t remember writing it or planning it. I made Edward even more of a creepy stalker than he already was, so props to me. 

The chapter titles are probably my favourite thing about the entire story. Apparently, I was really good at answering questions with titles and using messy capitalisation.

Despite the above wreck, my writing was actually pretty good if I do say so myself. The content is hardly genius, but I appreciate my ability as a 12 year old. My favourite lines (read: the lines that make me physically shrivel up) include: 

“Go get him, tiger.” Clearly all my knowledge about boys and dating and giving advice to friends about boys and dating came from Mills & Boon novels. 

Apparently, I was totally chill about people acting slightly unhinged: 

And thought a dude who had been ordered to kill the girl he liked would make the perfect boyfriend: 

The dialogue I wrote was the stuff of literary genius: 

And my ‘Author’s Notes’ really added to the whole vibe of the story. 

Of course, there were super cheesy super romantic moments throughout the whole thing. But there were also surprising moments of wisdom. I gave pretty good advice for a 12-15 year old.

Fill your life with love, not self pity. I need young Krissy to come back and tell old Krissy how to manage life. 

The fun doesn’t end there friends, oh no. Every chapter started with an annoying author’s note (which ended with ‘Regards, Krissy’) and ended with an equally annoying desperate plea like this: 

I would even put riddles at the end of some chapters to force people to send in reviews. Now that I think of it, it was kind of genius strategy. 

They say you never love the same as your first. But when it came to my second FanFiction, that wasn’t the case for me. I was more invested in number two. 

The plot was innovative: 

How do you overcome the loss of a loved one? What do you do when your life no longer feels like your own? How do you feel when old scars refuse to fade? Who can you trust with your heart after it’s been broken so many times before? Meet Bella Swan.

Really gives you a sense of the storyline, right? 

Not really, no. Source: Giphy

Shame we’ll never know how it was going to end. I don’t remember what the hell it was supposed to be about. 

My writing on fanfiction.net eventually fizzled out, I swapped Twilight for One Direction and, eventually, started wearing more black than fandom t-shirts. 

I might have better clothes now, but I still spend my days writing about Twilight and One Direction so I guess the questions is: did i really escape my Twilight obsession? Or have I been lying to myself this whole time? 

P.S. Team Edward all the way.

Percy Jackson Had So Much Potential And We Were Robbed

ROBBED.

The things we learn, see and encounter as teenagers shape us into the adults we eventually become. There are a few main things that defined my transition from awkward teenager to awkward adult: Twilight (Team Edward 4 Eva), Harry Potter, and Percy Jackson

I realise now that relying so heavily on tween franchises probably wasn’t a healthy thing, but let’s save that chat for my therapist. 

The first two franchises, Twilight and Harry Potter, have carved out perfect spots in my heart. 

Percy Jackson on the other hand is a little tainted. I loved the films mostly on principle: all things ancient history is my nerdy pleasure and Logan Lerman is very easy on the eyes, especially when you’re 14-years-old and go to an all girls school. 

Winning (with that face). Source: Giphy

Despite all my love for the Percy Jackson films, there was always a little part of me that felt disappointed. But it wasn’t immediate. 

The first film of the series, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010), delivered. The leading actors were cast well, on appearance and skill, and the plot followed the book pretty bang on. I loved seeing my favourite mythological heroes and creatures come to life on screen.

But three years later when film number two was released, Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013), my initial excitement had dwindled a little which meant my expectations were higher. I wanted something just as epic, if not better, than the first film. These movies were supposed to be the next big thing in the fantasy-blockbuster genre. 

They weren’t. 

This^ I feel in my soul. The Percy Jackson movies were intended for greatness but instead only achieved mediocre status. They’re the kind of films that get a lot of attention on release- mainly from their fanbase- and then fizzle out in the months following. 

They’re the kind of films I happily go back and rewatch because they’re enjoyable but not necessarily because they’re good. 

As a fan, it’s an upsetting reality. 

But it’s part of the risk that comes with adapting a popular book series to the big screen, especially when the original author is not allowed the same amount of creative control. Rick Riordan is the mind behind the original Percy Jackson books but his involvement in the production of the movies was limited. Which is exactly why they lacked spark- because they lacked his genius. 

I’m not dragging the movies just because I can. My disappointment is shared among fans far and wide.

There are five Percy Jackson books but only two movies. There was so much potential but we were robbed of it. 

There’s hope though. In December 2017, The Walt Disney Company acquired 21st Century Fox, including the film rights for Percy Jackson & The Olympians. It’s unknown if Disney will continue the series or reboot it completely. 

Anything Disney touches turns to gold so I have faith Percy Jackson will one day achieve god-status. 

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