This article about Laurie Blake/Silk Spectre‘s giant blue dildo contains SPOILERS for episode three of Watchmen!
After two fantastic episodes to kick off the story in HBO’s Watchmen, things got taken up a notch with the introduction (or reintroduction for those familiar with the original comic) of Jean Smart’s Laurie Blake, aka Silk Spectre 2.0.
While her arrival resulted in the greatest episode of Watchmen – and arguably all of TV this year – so far, I have a bunch of questions about something she carries around with her in a suitcase: a giant blue dildo modeled after the shining blue dong of her ex, Dr. Manhattan.
During the end of the episode, we see Laurie Blake whip out her giant Dr. Manhattan dildo in preparation of some private me time after a stressful day. While the scene is rife with interpretations that’ll give a shrink a raging hard-on, all I can think was “damn that’s huge” and “that looks uncomfortable”
Now I know next to nothing about dildos but having sat on enough cold metal chairs in my time, a metal dildo seems like it would be pretty unsavoury for the first few moments. Maybe sex toy technology in Watchmen has advanced to the point where the cold is no longer an issue, or maybe it comes with warming gel or sorts.
That thought soon opened up a Pandora’s Box of weird brain nuggets about the dildo.
Why is the dildo as big as goddamn building column when it’s been established that Dr. Manhattan’s junk is average-sized at best? Why does it look like gynecology tool?
Are those detachable balls a battery pack? If so, does that make the dildo a vibrator? Is it even safe to use given how gargantuan the thing is?
Can you hide snacks in it or use it as a bong? Is it custom-made or mass-produced? Where can we buy one, you know, for science?
Beyond the thinking and construction behind the dildo, it also brings up a bunch of questions about Laurie Blake/Silk Spectre herself.
It’s been established in the comics that Laurie dated Dr. Manhattan for about 15 years before dumping him for Nite Owl, who is missing (for now) in the show. Given how Laurie still leaves phone calls to Dr. Manhattan (who now lives on Mars), is this dildo some sort of physical symbol of the feelings she still holds for her ex-boyfriend?
Or maybe it’s as simple as no amount of sex with a human will ever be good enough for Laurie ever again. As show creator Damon Lindelof explains, she has forked a literal god who can bend space and time, so how could anyone else compare to that?
At that point you’ll need a giant blue dong to get anywhere near the same feeling as hooking up with an actual god and, well, that’s where we find Laurie.
Laurie ultimately puts the giant blue schlong back in its briefcase and beds her young FBI underling, which again got me wondering, “there’s no way in hell that dude is as good as the dildo”.
Watchmen has been a revelation in just how well it manages to honour the source material while also telling a new story, and yet all my attention has been viciously ripped away at the sight of that Dr. Manhattan influenced blue dildo.
Here’s hoping we get a few answers to some of those weird questions I had about Laurie and her dildo in the back half of Watchmen because the image is forever burned into my brain and I need release.