There’s something very, very unsettling about people with no face creeping around at night doing inexplicable things. So the news that there’s a creepy guy with a TV for a head roaming the suburbs of Virginia depositing analogue televisions sets seems… look, we don’t like it.
So far around 60 people have awoken to find a gift of an old school TV outside their door, but it’s the fact that he (?) has the head of a supervillain which concerns us.
People are describing him (?) as a prankster, but we’ve seen enough 80s horror films to know that the TVs are cursed and that they will come alive on Halloween to kill and kill again.
“I can’t think of any technology or political point that would be valid here,” one recipient, Jim Brooksbank, told a local radio station. “It’s just a senseless prank.”
NO JIM THE DEAD CATHODE RAY TUBE WILL SOON CONTAIN YOUR SOUL RUN WHILE YOU CAN.
In any case, the ABC has reported that the superprankstervillain may be liable for charges under the state’s dumping laws. Which is simply proof that Creepy TV Head Guy is operating outside of society, goading Johnny Law to come and have a go.
In any case, anyone planning a horror film which is a thinly veiled metaphor about how screens are turning humans into mindless zombies, here’s your premise.
We suggest calling him “Screentime” but are willing to take notes on that.
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