Bleats

We Are All This Kid In A Minion Costume Being Taunted By The Trumps

If they can’t hand out candy, forget running a country.

Halloween! It’s the spookiest time of year, second only to the days when I leave the house without shaving my legs.

I like to keep things spicy. Source: GIphy

Lots of scary things happen on and in the lead up to October 31st: shops run out of all the good candy, you go broke buying props to perfect your costume, and small children run rampant.

The chanting of “trick or treat!” haunts me in my dreams for months after Halloween.

But there’s one especially scary – and sadly not surprising – thing that happened this Halloween: President Donald Trump. Specifically, an ‘incident’ which occurred at the annual White House trick or treat event involving Trump, Melania, a child in a Despicable Me minion costume, and two innocent chocolate bars.

It all begins normally enough: children in all sorts of costumes queue to get candy from The President. There’s a kid in a t-rex costume, a couple of Buzz Lightyears, a female Pennywise, and a little girl dressed as a butterfly. All the usual suspects.

But things get weird when a child dressed as a minion approaches Trump and Melania. When I say weird I mean downright mean because this just feels cruel:

Yep, The President and First Lady of the United States appear to taunt a small child with candy. Instead of placing the chocolate bar in the basket the child is CLEARLY HOLDING, they put the chocolate on top of the costume. The child is clearly confused, wondering where their chocolate has gone. And Melania and Trump don’t batt an eyelid.

No, seriously, Melania doesn’t move her eyes. Her brain cells check out and she just blindly follows her husband’s lead.

Yep, nothing behind the eyes.

We can all relate to this child. We too approach our politicians and world leaders, like Trump, in good faith only to be ridiculed and mocked for the world to see. We’re the fools for believing in them, for believing they will implement real change and be decent people. For believing their lies and deceit.

We’re the fools for continually trusting a man who picks fights with celebrities on Twitter.

The difference is, we’re adults who make independent, (mostly) educated decisions. But the children? The children are innocent. Leave the children alone. That includes children dressed as minions, soldiers, astronauts, and any other Halloween costume. I’m looking at you, Trumps.

A Deep Dive Into The Most Effed Up Products On Wish

I definitely did not wish for this.

I definitely did not wish for this.

Picture this:

It’s really early in the morning, you’re on a packed train struggling from caffeine withdrawal and biting the inside of your cheek slightly to stop you from nudging the person next to you who insists on elbowing you in the ribs.

You’re still grumpy, a bit vulnerable, and are thinking about the bed that you left behind.

As you scroll mindlessly through Facebook just trying to pass the time, you get the shock of your life:

JuSt WhAT i wAantED. Source: wish.com

This^ atrocity. Suddenly you’re wide awake and repulsed and hoping the person beside you (yes the same idiot who is still elbowing you in the ribs) doesn’t think you’re into some weird hobby.

Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened to you – wish.com (which is an e-commerce platform based in California) has been serving you adds for random, horrific items for some time.

You’ve never looked on the website let alone bought shoes that look like fish, but Wish and Facebook think you want them anyway.

Source: wish.com

Wish is a cesspool of some of the internets weirdest and wackiest buys. If you don’t believe me then that’s fine. But I’m about to shake you to your very core.

ick. Source: Giphy

If you want to step up your fashion game, why try this bad boy on for size:

Source: wish.com

Stressing too much? Don’t want wrinkles? Wish has you covered.

Source: wish.com

Love the taste of human blood but feel too ashamed to drink the real thing in public? Then you should seek psychiatric help. But also:

Source: wish.com

Here’s some fun prosthetics to help you embrace your true self:

Source: wish.com

And an outfit to help you express your intense love for cough syrup:

Source: wish.com

And, finally, something that tells your crush “I’m available and yes, I’m into butt stuff.”

Source: wish.com

If none of this^ scares you, then check out Wish yourself. But be prepared friends, it’s one deep, dark hole you may never return from.

A Look At Trump’s Petty Celeb Feuds, Because That’s All He Does With His Time

The award for best niggler goes to…

If there was a presidency for using Twitter to spew verbal vitriol and anger a whole bunch of people, Donald Trump would have it. 

Alas, there is no such title. But it seems Trump’s version of President of the United States is basically the same thing – he’s less a leader of a country and more an expert in petty online feuds.

In his time, Trump has incited many a feud with many a celebrity which begs the question: what does he actually do with his time? Because honestly all I imagine is him sitting in bed until 3am with the lights off and his phone pressed against his nose as he chuckles manically to himself. 

I know I am. Source: Giphy

The most recent celebrity to feel Trump’s ‘wrath’ is Chrissy Teigan: model, inspiration to all, and wife to John Legend. 

Trump went on a Twitter tirade against the couple after John appeared in NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt and spoke about the “broken criminal justice system,” in the United States.

John encouraged viewers to get involved with Free America, which is a campaign that he started to try and “make a difference” in the country.

Trump’s retaliation was tasteful, to say the least: 

Not one to take a hit lying down, Chrissy and John retaliated in all sorts of ways: 

The irony is that Chrissy wasn’t involved or mentioned in John’s discussion of the criminal justice system. And yet, she was dragged through the mud by Trump because, well, it’s what he does best. 

The insanity of this^ whole situation inspired me to take a look back on some of Mr. President’s most hilarious and time wasting celeb feuds. 

There are a lot – not like he has a country to run or anything… 

Can’t – busy. Source: Giphy

Jimmy Fallon

September 2016: Jimmy messes up Trump’s hair while the now president was on his talk show. 

June 2018: Jimmy is quoted in the Hollywood reporter saying he did not mean to “normalise” Trump or support his politics with the aforementioned hair tousle. 

June 2018, a few days later: Trump tweets: 

Jimmy responded by writing that he’d be making a donation to the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services (RAICES) in Trump’s name in honour of the tweet.

Robert De Niro

Robert De Niro was censored at the 2018 Tony Awards for saying “f— Trump.”

Two days later the president tweeted: 

“Robert De Niro, a very Low IQ individual, has received to many shots to the head by real boxers in movies. I watched him last night and truly believe he may be ‘punch-drunk.’ I guess he doesn’t realize the economy is the best it’s ever been with employment being at an all time high, and many companies pouring back into our country. Wake up Punchy!”

After weeks of buzz surrounding a potential Oprah 2020 run, Trump had enough – nothing like a woman to threaten your masculinity. 

Following a segment Oprah did for 60 minutes which saw her speak to a panel of Trump supporters and opponents, Trump took to his keyboard:

Meryl Streep

One day after Meryl Streep gave her powerful and politically charged Golden Globes speech, Trump took to Twitter to weigh in. Why? Good question. 

Ignore Trump and instead, watch Meryl’s amazing speech again: 

Katie Couric

Couric tweets about Trump pretty often. It’s safe to say he doesn’t like that. 

Cher

YEP. HE DID THAT. 

HOW. DARE. HE. 

“@Cher attached @MittRomney. She is an average talent who is out of touch with reality. Like @ Rosie O’Donnell, a total loser!” he tweeted.

Bette Midler

It seems old mate like’s having a go at legends….maybe because making others feel inferior makes him feel superior?????? 

These feuds (if you can even call them that) are just the tip of the ’Trump being unhinged on Twitter’ iceberg. If you’re keen to waste some time and fall down a rabbit hole of frustration and fury, check out more here

Or just go to Twitter and refresh Trump’s profile. It’s only a matter of time before he names his next victim. 

@JimmyFallon – thank you. Source: Giphy

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