Bleats

Let's Not Allow Our Morbid Fascination With The Teacher's Pet Podcast Eclipse The Fact That Lyn Dawson's Disappearance Is A Real Crime With Real Consequences

The unsolved 1982 disappearance of 33-year-old Lyn Dawson has captured everyone's attention thanks to The Teacher's Pet podcast, and new developments has pushed scrutiny to fever pitch.

Each decade sees certain things in pop-culture that resonates on a whole different level with the general public. Think disco in the 80s, long hair and denim in the 90s, and Outkast’s “Hey Ya!” in the 2000s. If I were to hazard a guess at what the pop-culture obsession of the 2010s would be, I would nominate true crime as a genre of entertainment.

There’s something morbidly fascinating about decades-long unsolved crimes suddenly reopening up in the present day due to newly unearthed evidence. Just in 2018, we have had some fantastic true crime content such as the late Michelle McNamara‘s work in catching the Golden State Killer, Netflix’s fantastic documentary series’ Evil Genius and The Staircase, and most recently, The Teacher’s Pet podcast from journalist Hedley Thomas about the unsolved 1982 disappearance of 33-year-old Australian woman Lynette Dawson.

The Teacher’s Pet is a particularly interesting case because two separate coroners found, in 2001 and 2003, that Lyn’s husband Chris, who remains the one and only suspect, had murdered her but maintains his innocence and wasn’t charged due to a “lack of evidence”.

New leads and reviews of the evidence commenced in 2015 but it wasn’t until 2018 when the case received intense attention from the media and public due to the launch of The Teacher’s Pet podcast, which went absolutely bonkers. I’m talking about iTunes-topping, Serial-toppling crazy here.

As Thomas’s journalism work into Dawson’s disappearance found a large worldwide audience via The Teacher’s Pet, real-life developments in the case were happening concurrently with the podcast’s run, which ended in August without concrete answers.

But what the podcast lacked in closure, real-life may be providing audiences with the sequel they all wanted in the form of a new forensic investigation (by that I mean digging around in hopes of finding a body) of Dawson’s former Bayview home in Sydney, which is currently underway at the time of writing.

And it is here where boundaries need to be drawn between entertainment and reality.

The amount of attention put upon the authorities to unearth something new in the Dawson case by the public and media is immense, putting even more pressure on the already-stressed investigators.

It’s nice that everyone wants justice for Lyn just as they did for Barb from Stranger Things, but there’s a worry that people are approaching this whole saga as nothing more than entertainment rather than what it really is – an actual crime in which real people suffer real consequences.

The whole case is incredibly fascinating and there is certainly nothing wrong with following the whole saga in hopes that it gets resolved. But whether or not the police find a body, we also must not forget that Lyn Dawson’s disappearance is a very real crime and that alone eclipses any notion we as the audience have in regards to closure or a satisfying “ending” to this “story”.

Wasted Kiwi Gets Butt Kicked By Vicious Tiny Monkeys In Ill-Planned Zoo Robbery To Steal Cute Animals For His Girlfriend And I Hope To God There Is Footage Of This Heist

Sorry China artifact thieves but this is the heist movie adaptation I want to see.

Between the San Antonio shark heist to the biggest F’ you to colonialism that is China’s decade-long campaign to steal back artifacts from European museums, 2018 has truly been the year of the huge heists.

And now it’s time to add a epic new entry to that growing list.

Okay, this one isn’t that epic but it is arguably the funniest because it involves a totally wasted Kiwi bloke who broke into Wellington zoo in an attempt to steal some super-cute squirrel monkeys for his girlfriend. But like almost all heists, real and in the movies, it didn’t go quite as planned.

Firstly, the bloke had not given any serious thought to his attempted zoo robbery beyond “Imma steal a tiny cute monkey for my girlfriend”.

Secondly, the dude was absolutely plastered, which drops the already-low success rate of his spur-of-the-moment heist to virtually zero.

And thirdly, tiny squirrel monkeys may look like adorable fluff balls with limbs but they’re vicious little beasts who have no hesitation in giving out beatdowns to those who enter their territory uninvited.

What this all resulted in was a humiliating butt-whopping for the Kiwi guy, who copped a squirrel monkey beating so severe he sustained two fractured teeth, a sprained ankle, and multiple bruises. The bloke also received a broken leg, but that was reportedly the work of the zoo’s fence and not the monkeys. Can’t let them take all the credit.

As for the monkeys’ injury tally, one copped a haematoma on its elbow while others landed scratch marks. Using some napkin math, I think the monkeys were the clear winner in this encounter.

After being caught by the police, the would-be monkey thief’s trial is almost as entertaining as the actual heist thanks to the judge’s snarky comments, which yielded this gem:

I don’t know what happened in the squirrel monkey enclosure. The squirrel monkeys know. You say you couldn’t find them and I don’t speak squirrel. What I know is that by daybreak all the monkeys were distressed, two of them were injured, and you had a broken leg, two fractured teeth, a sprained ankle, and bruises on your back.

Just to pile on the bloke’s misery of getting his butt handed to him by monkeys and disappointing his girlfriend by failing to catch one for her, it turns out he was a crook with bunch of prior assault charges under his belt.

The embarrassment of losing a fight to monkeys wasn’t enough to make the judge more lenient in his sentencing and our would-be robber was sentenced to two years and seven months in prison for all his offences, including all his recent literal monkey business.

I think we’ve piled enough jokes on the poor monkey thief’s back so let me just say that of all the potential heist movies that 2018 is inspiring, this one may be the most entertaining yet from a sheer comedic perspective.

Oh alright, one word final joke: stick to stealing turtles, buddy, they’re slower.

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