Bleats

Keanu Reeves Is In Toy Story 4 And I'm Suddenly Really Worried About Slinky Dog Meeting His End

Presumably Mr. Potatohead steals Keanu's car and sets off the chain of events for the movie.

Just when we thought Toy Story 4 couldn’t get more bonkers with the introduction of Forky, Ducky and Bunny, Tim Allen has gone and dropped a new character bombshell that should silence any doubters while also making everyone supremely worried about poor Slinky Dog.

During a chat with Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show, Allen revealed that Keanu Reeves has a part in Pixar’s upcoming toy flick and is essentially going to be a foil to Buzz Lightyear.

Woah.

As for who Reeves is voicing, Allen unsurprisingly kept his cards close to his chest and only offered up hints that the character will have an “interesting relationship” with Buzz and is the size of those little green army men.

It sounds like Reeves’ character is there to solely rub Buzz (and by extension Woody) the wrong way, but I’m not ruling out the possibility that his presence in the movie means we may be saying goodbye to Slinky.

The last time Reeves was in a movie with a dog it didn’t end well for the poor pup, and that makes me super worried that poor ol’ Slinky is going to the pearly gates or wherever toys go when they shuffle this mortal coil.

Now that I think about it, I may have stumbled across the plot of Toy Story 4.

Hear me out here: Mr. Potatohead steals Reeves’ character’s car, setting off a rip-roaring rampage of revenge in which Slinky dies in Woody’s arms and Buzz and Reeves’s character go face to face at the film’s climax. Sounds like the perfect story for a children’s film.

I’m obviously taking a wild stab at Toy Story 4‘s plot here but given how the whole movie is being kept more secret than whatever is going on at Area 51, we also can’t rule it out as a possibility.

Think of it like Schrödinger’s plot: anything could and couldn’t happen until Toy Story 4‘s story is finally revealed.

With Toy Story 4 hitting our screens on June 21, 2019, we won’t have to wait long to find out how Pixar plan to make us cry our eyes out this time around. Hopefully it doesn’t involve Reeves’ character taking Slinky to a farm up north somewhere.

Keanu Reeves Cements Status As Greatest Action Movie Hero Ever By Fighting A Motorbike-Riding Bad Guy While Riding A Horse In A New John Wick 3 Set Photo

John Wick on a horse using gun-fu to kill some bad guys riding on motorbikes? Yep, I'm already sold.

Jackie Chan. Jet Li. Donnie Yen. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sylvester Stallone. These are just some of many worthy candidates for the title of “greatest action movie hero ever”.

But if I were to pick just one, my vote would go out to the ever immortal Keanu Reeves.

He knows his way around a gun, is able to look and be downright intimidating, and has been in several iconic action movies over the past couple of decades, such as Point BreakSpeedThe Matrix trilogy, and of course, John Wick.

Plus, the man also knows kung fu so he’s also got that going for him.

You’d think that after decades of crazy action sequences that Reeves would be out of tricks, but you’d be wrong. In a new set pic from the upcoming John Wick 3, the guy ups the ante by getting into a car chase but instead of a car, he decides to ride a horse instead.

And because that alone isn’t badass enough for the character of John Wick, Reeves (and his trusty steed) decides to also get into a gun-toting scrap with a bloke on a motorbike.

I get that this isn’t exactly a new stunt as ol’ Arnie already did it in True Lies, but I’m willing to bet Reeves will pull it off in far more spectacular fashion than what Arnie did.

Me describing the moment in question doesn’t do it enough justice so just lay your eyeballs on the majestic scene right here and bask in the action godliness of Keanu Reeves.

Other than more kickassery, slickly choreographed gun-fu scenes, Halle Berry looking like a queen, scenes involving a pitbull, and a release date of May, 2019, we really don’t know too much about John Wick 3, not that we really need to in order to enjoy it.

And based on that sole set photo of Reeves fighting a motorbike-riding bloke while riding a horse, I’m already confident enough to deem John Wick 3 as the greatest movie of all time and that’s a hill I’ll die on after getting stabbed by a pencil.

Edna Mode Roasts Disneyland Visitors Over Their Outfits, So Leave Your Ripped Jorts And Capes At Home

Don't expect a hug from someone who used to design outfits for the gods.

They say you should never meet your heroes because they will almost certainly disappoint and/or be a jerk to you in some way.

But if your hero happens to be Edna Mode from The Incredibles, then you can throw that saying completely out the window because she is a goddamn delight, insults and all.

Seeing as how Edna isn’t, well, real, the closest thing to meeting her in person is at Disneyland in the form of an employee in an Edna costume.

While every other Disney meet-and-greet character do things like hugs and playful clowning, Edna goes straight for the jugular and outright roasts you, your outfit, and all that you hold dear, which is utterly perfect.

And besides, can you even imagine Edna Mode giving hugs to strangers? She’s more likely to design a superhero costume with a cape than do that.

The reason I know this is because I spoke to a bloke, Ivan, who was at the receiving end of one of Edna’s roasts, an encounter that blew up on Twitter with over 300k likes and 92k retweets.

Having been an Edna fanatic at a young age, Ivan braved the Disneyland elements for several hours before finally meeting his hero and asking her to rate his outfit.

Now I’ve seen far worse outfits than Ivan’s T-shirt, ripped jorts, and joggers, but Edna was not having any of it. Witness an utter roasting unfold over four photos that is so brutal that moving to Antarctica wouldn’t help with the burn.

But don’t think Edna is heartless though. Despite burning Ivan with the force of a thousand suns, she did tell him to ditch the ripped jorts forever, which is about the best advice you can receive in a situation like that.

I think three lessons can be learned here from Ivan’s encounter: Edna Mode is awesome, leave the ripped jorts at home, and bring some ice from the inevitable roasting she will bestow if you were to ask her to critique your outfit.

And as always, keep the capes at home.

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