Bleats

Calm Down, Fellas, Tinder Is Not Introducing ‘Height Verification’

Check the date, then your fragile ego, maybe?

A small (but not that small, OK?) and not at all insecure portion of the internet has freaked out at Tinder’s most recent feature announcement.

Introducing the thing you never asked for, but definitely always wanted—Tinder Height Verification. Coming soon.”

The feature apparently works by getting users to take a photo “next to any commercial building” and then submitting the picture, whereupon their height will be verified down to the inch using AI and publicly available data on…. how tall literally all buildings are, I guess?

Then their profile gets a badge showing that they really are the height they say they are.

 

In their blog post explaining the feature, Tinder says it’s designed “to require everyone under 6’ to own up to their real height” and “bring truthfulness back into the world of online dating”.

“It’s come to our attention that most of your 5’10ers out there are actually 5’6”. … This type of dishonesty doesn’t just hurt your matches – it hurts us, too. Did it ever occur to you that we’re 5’6” and actually love our medium height? Did it ever occur to you that honesty is what separates humans from sinister monsters?”

Reactions have ranged from gross jokes along the lines of “When do we get weight verification?” to sheer panic and accusations of body-shaming (because being under 6’ is… inherently bad, apparently?).

 

Meanwhile, some women who date men are also concerned that they won’t be able to get away with rounding their height down so as not to put off dudes who find tall women intimidating. (I say round your height UP and weed out the insecure ones, but you do you, Stacey!)

And this one’s looking on the bright side:

There is almost no way there isn’t an April Fool’s prank, though.

Let’s review the evidence:

That tweet literally says nobody asked for this.

That blog post is snarky.

 

It’s nearly April 1. Nobody believes anything on the Internet on April 1 itself, so early pranks are a thing now.

And this screenshot of the height selection scroller shows that it goes from 5’9… straight to 6’.

If this was a real feature, that’s the kind of thing that would be caught in testing ages ago. A graphic bashed out for a prank video, though…

Either that, or Tinder has finally worked out that there are actually no men who are 5’10” or 5’11” IRL. Just guys 5’9” and under, 6’ and over, and liars.

Here’s a reminder, though: people are allowed to have preferences and features they’re attracted to, and you’re allowed to quietly judge them for their preferences before swiping left. Maybe one day we’ll all be open-minded legends who value potential dates or hookups purely on personality and/or pure sexual magnetism.

Until then, be kind, get your consensual bone on however you like, and never believe anything you read on the internet – or a Tinder bio.

Guys, This Is What Your 'I Don't Like To Text' Bio Says About Women's Safety

"Not looking for a penpal."

Ah, dating app dudes.

There are a million massive turnoffs that far too many guys are guilty of: posing with huge fish (smelly!), taking unsmiling car selfies with big serial-killer energy (murdery!!), expressing a preference for “fit girls” (we KNOW that means “no fat chicks”, JAYDEN!!).

But one of the more subtle ones is that whole “Not looking for a penpal” thing.

Sometimes it’s phrased as “no time wasters”, “not into endless chat” or something more innocuous, like “Would rather meet up than message :)”.

But there’s nothing hot about a dude who’s saying “I’m not interested in actually talking to you”.

It’s absolutely fine to be on Tinder or Bumble purely to look for casual hookups and one-night stands. Get it. I support you fully in your quest to get hot consensual action.

But if you’re a dude hoping to meet up with women, you’ve got to be aware of the things women have to do to vet men who want to be alone with them, whether it’s for a date or just a dick appointment.

Chatting isn’t just about seeing if you get along well enough to have one drink and then head to bed. It’s about trying to gauge the vibe.

A guy who sounds pretty normal in their Tinder bio or at the start of a chat might drop a nasty joke after he gets comfortable, or start being pushy, defensive and aggro if you don’t want to meet up right that minute.

Even if you’re just looking for a hookup, you should still care about whether women feel safe around you.

To be super frank, mate, you’re not going to get her into bed if she doesn’t – and even if you do, not caring about her comfort is going to make you s**thouse in bed no matter what.

So change that snark about “penpals” to a plain, upfront “Just looking for something casual”. Then have a chat, don’t act desperate, and practice enjoying talking to other humans for a change.

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