A small (but not that small, OK?) and not at all insecure portion of the internet has freaked out at Tinder’s most recent feature announcement.
“Introducing the thing you never asked for, but definitely always wanted—Tinder Height Verification. Coming soon.”
— Tinder (@Tinder) March 29, 2019
The feature apparently works by getting users to take a photo “next to any commercial building” and then submitting the picture, whereupon their height will be verified down to the inch using AI and publicly available data on…. how tall literally all buildings are, I guess?
Then their profile gets a badge showing that they really are the height they say they are.
In their blog post explaining the feature, Tinder says it’s designed “to require everyone under 6’ to own up to their real height” and “bring truthfulness back into the world of online dating”.
“It’s come to our attention that most of your 5’10ers out there are actually 5’6”. … This type of dishonesty doesn’t just hurt your matches – it hurts us, too. Did it ever occur to you that we’re 5’6” and actually love our medium height? Did it ever occur to you that honesty is what separates humans from sinister monsters?”
Reactions have ranged from gross jokes along the lines of “When do we get weight verification?” to sheer panic and accusations of body-shaming (because being under 6’ is… inherently bad, apparently?).
All the 5’4 guys seeing tinder is adding height verification pic.twitter.com/ueCPVav1JF
— kyle (@knicks_tape99) March 29, 2019
I could care less about a girl's height…
When's the @Tinder Weight Verification coming?
Hopefully soon too https://t.co/EXbobvAkkC
— Jake Nomada 🌎 (@NomadicHustler) March 30, 2019
oh God, so many "iTs not LiKE MeN CaN cHangE tHEiR HEiGHt" and "how about weight verification for the ladies" comments. Stay classy, Tinder users, and by classy I mean stay the fuck away from me at all times
— ursula 🧚♀️ (@soleilmoonbye) March 30, 2019
Just wow. @Tinder have introduced a height verification system to body-shame men.
Can’t weight for them to weed-out fat women with silicone tits, tattooed eyebrows, fake tan and dyed hair! 👍🏻 https://t.co/eRjJKVMkiz
— Peter Lloyd (@Suffragentleman) March 30, 2019
Meanwhile, some women who date men are also concerned that they won’t be able to get away with rounding their height down so as not to put off dudes who find tall women intimidating. (I say round your height UP and weed out the insecure ones, but you do you, Stacey!)
And this one’s looking on the bright side:
Tinder has a height verifier now so I can finally only talk to boys 5’9 and under; we love a short king 🥰💗💘💜💙💞💝💓💖🖤😘🤪🙈❣️❣️🤧🙄
— electric chair (@DroptopMadi) March 30, 2019
There is almost no way there isn’t an April Fool’s prank, though.
Let’s review the evidence:
That tweet literally says nobody asked for this.
That blog post is snarky.
It’s nearly April 1. Nobody believes anything on the Internet on April 1 itself, so early pranks are a thing now.
And this screenshot of the height selection scroller shows that it goes from 5’9… straight to 6’.
— Michael Nuñez (@MichaelFNunez) March 29, 2019
If this was a real feature, that’s the kind of thing that would be caught in testing ages ago. A graphic bashed out for a prank video, though…
Either that, or Tinder has finally worked out that there are actually no men who are 5’10” or 5’11” IRL. Just guys 5’9” and under, 6’ and over, and liars.
Guys over 6 ft love to put their height on tinder and follow with “because I guess that matters”
— Aimee (@Aimee_Grimmer_) March 28, 2019
Here’s a reminder, though: people are allowed to have preferences and features they’re attracted to, and you’re allowed to quietly judge them for their preferences before swiping left. Maybe one day we’ll all be open-minded legends who value potential dates or hookups purely on personality and/or pure sexual magnetism.
Until then, be kind, get your consensual bone on however you like, and never believe anything you read on the internet – or a Tinder bio.