First, Ansel Elgort debuted a bleached blonde mop at a basketball game in December. And it was like… OK?
Then, Chris Messina showed up at the Golden Globes with his new look: a close-cropped peroxide job, courtesy of his role as Birds Of Prey villain Victor Szasz.
And nobody was OK.
Imma need a minute alone with this photo of Blond Chris Messina pic.twitter.com/LX4wszjQXw
— Kevin Fallon (@kpfallon) January 6, 2019
THEN, Zac Efron turned up at Sundance with the answer to the question “What do you get when you cross a twink and an otter?”
And there was much rejoicing.
The jury’s still out on Elgort’s new look, but Efron’s beard-n-bleach combo is a vibe for sure, and the mass Blonde Messina thirst is currently powering several small towns.
— Entertainment Tonight (@etnow) January 28, 2019
So: who’s next? Here, with the help of some extremely expensive and advanced imaging technology, we imagine what it might look like should your current crush decide to go the full Malfoy.
Tim-O-Tay is one of our favourite works of art, but this Marilyn Monroe version of his iconic locks is not doing it for us.
Here’s another, more cheekbone-friendly version, helpfully ‘shopped by a Twitter user who agrees with us that he’s a strong contender for the next bleached boy (and also that Messina is the gold standard).
So I put Troye's hair on Timothée Chalamet so I can prepare for when he inevitably Chris Messina's himself. pic.twitter.com/fXMbacDXLU
— Eric King (@erickingdavid) January 31, 2019
Oooh, boy. This is Not A Vibe. This looks like your weird neighbour lady who writes you pissy notes about taking your bins out promptly and never goes outside except to slip said notes in your letterbox.
Quick, let’s remember him as he was.
Turns out that the comedian’s boyish, clean-cut charm only works when he doesn’t look like an overgrown extra from Children Of The Corn who’s also running for an Alabama Congress seat on a platform of teaching the literal Bible in science class.
Awww, it matches his Grammy! And he can get it.
Nope. The Freddie teeth were a better look.
Michael B Jordan
I just realised why Paul Rudd refuses to age: because if he ever shifts into Silver Fox mode, it might actually kill us all.
All images via Getty.