Bleats

Netflix's The Witcher And Henry Cavill's Arms Will Wipe The Bitter Taste Of Game Of Thrones From Your Mouth

This is gonna be good. Hopefully.

Now that Game of Thrones is over, we’re all going to need a big-budget replacement show to fill that fantasy void and to wipe away the bitter taste of GoT‘s polarising final season.

Well folks, it appears we have a frontrunner and it comes courtesy of Netflix.

The streaming giant dropped the long-awaited first teaser trailer for its upcoming live-action adaptation of The Witcher and its got everything Thrones fans will love and a bit more on top of that.

You’ve got a fantastical setting filled with sorcerers, elves, CGI monsters, magic and the usual fantasy smorgasbord of tropes.

No strings needed for this little magic trick.

There’s a diverse cast of supporting players with differing and interesting motivations, some intriguing and important characters like Ciri and Yennefer, clashing ideologies and political wrangling, a dash of thirst and sexy times, big budget action scenes that actually bothered to use proper lighting, and enough stunning cinematography to make Peter Jackson envious.

You can see everything that’s going on!

But the biggest tick for The Witcher is Henry Cavill as the monster hunting protagonist, Geralt of Rivia.

Not only can he swing a a sword like an actual witcher super convincingly (apparently he did all his own stunts), he got super jacked for the role. If his fighting ability or smouldering stares don’t convince you, his arms certainly will.

Sold!

And as a bonus cherry on top, it seems like the show is remaining faithful to the book series by going into fine details, like Geralt’s creepy black eyes and bulging veins after consuming one too many potions.

The look you get after one too many at the tavern.

There’s still no date on when the show drops on Netflix other than a “fall” premiere date but The Witcher is shaping up to be a damn good ride that incorporates everything we want in a high fantasy series.

Check out the trailer right here and get ready for a ride. Just don’t expect any Geralt and Yennefer getting freaky on a unicorn or Geralt manspreading while taking a bath. Gotta save some gems for the actual show.

The Shows You Hated Or Forgot About Are Set To Clean Up At The Emmys, Because All That Whining Worked So Well

One person's "worst show ever" is another's "greatest show of all time".

The Emmys are nearly upon us for another year and boy has the last 12 months of TV thrown up a few surprising left turns and speed bumps.

But looking at the noms for the 2019 event, the theme appears to be: the shows you forgot and/or hated are gonna win big but we’re giving the spotlight to some actual good shows to make up for it.

Despite the, uh, polarising reception to its final season, Game of Thrones has nabbed a record-breaking 32 nominations and will almost certainly win most of them based on recent history, which isn’t going to go down well with its volatile, petition-signing fanbase.

Here we go (again)…

But beyond Thrones, there were a bunch of shows and actors who were snubbed, or inexplicably got noms despite either being forgotten – like Schitt’s Creek, Ozark, Succession and The Kominsky Method – hated – like House of Cards – or just flat out disappointing – like The Handmaid’s Tale, Black Mirror and How To Get Away With Murder.

That being said, there were also a bunch of pleasant surprises which we didn’t expect since this is, well, the Emmys. So in the tradition of every awards show, here’s GOAT’s quick rundown of notable snubs and surprises for the 2019 Emmys.

Surprises

  • Schitt’s Creek – Where on earth did this come from? More importantly, how did it score a noms in all the big categories despite being in its 5th season?
  • FleabagPhoebe Waller-Bridge finally getting the recognition she deserves.
  • The Good Place – After years of snubs, it’s finally picked up that Best Comedy nom it deserved from the start.
  • When They See Us – We expected Netflix’s critically acclaimed series to do well, just not THIS well.
  • The Big Bang Theory – It’s a surprise in that it didn’t get any big noms at all for its final season. Don’t feel too bad, it’s won enough in previous years.

Snubs

  • GLOW – Season 2 was brilliant in so many ways and yet all it got was one measly nomination. An absolute travesty.
  • True Detective – Season 3 was a blessed return to form but it seems like the sour taste of season 2 is still lingering.
  • Richard Madden – Bodyguard was great but it seems like voters wanted his half-brother cousin from the North more.
  • Rhea Seehorn – Another year, another snub from arguably the best actor on Better Call Saul.
  • Catch-22 – No love at all with this adaptation despite being well received. George Clooney’s charm didn’t work this time.

As for what shows will win, who bloody knows at this point? Aside from Game of Thrones picking up a bunch of big wins, it’s all up in the air at this point and predicting the winners is a futile exercise based on what we saw at the 2019 Oscars.

Here’s an incomplete list of the Emmy nominations because there’s just too much to fit on the page so we’re just going with the big ones. Check out the official Emmys website for the complete list.

Outstanding Comedy Series

Barry
Fleabag
The Good Place
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Russian Doll
Schitt’s Creek
Veep

Outstanding Drama Series

Better Call Saul
Bodyguard
Game of Thrones
Killing Eve
Ozark
Pose
Succession
This Is Us

Outstanding Limited Series

Chernobyl
Escape At Dannemore
Fosse/Verdon
Sharp Objects
When They See Us

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Emilia Clarke, Game Of Thrones
Jody Comer, Killing Eve
Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder
Laura Linney, Ozark
Mandy Moore, This Is Us
Sandra Oh, Killing Eve
Robin Wright, House Of Cards

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Jason Bateman, Ozark
Sterling K. Brown, This Is Us
Kit Harington, Game Of Thrones
Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul
Billy Porter, Pose
Milo Ventimiglia, This Is Us

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series

Alfie Allen, Game Of Thrones 
Jonathan Banks, Better Call Saul 
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Game Of Thrones 
Peter Dinklage, Game Of Thrones 
Giancarlo Esposito, Better Call Saul
Michael Kelly, House Of Cards
Chris Sullivan, This Is Us

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series

Gwendoline Christie, Game Of Thrones 
Julia Garner, Ozark 
Lena Headey, Game Of Thrones 
Fiona Shaw, Killing Eve 
Sophie Turner, Game Of Thrones 
Maisie Williams, Game Of Thrones

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Anthony Anderson, Black-ish
Don Cheadle
Ted Danson, The Good Place
Michael Douglas
Bill Hader, Barry
Eugene Levy, Schitt’s Creek

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Christina Applegate, Dead To Me
Rachel Brosnahan
Julie Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Natasha Lyonne, Russian Doll
Catherine O’Hara, Schitt’s Creek
Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Fleabag

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series

Alan Arkin, The Kominsky Method
Anthony Carrigan, Barry 
Tony Hale, Veep 
Stephen Root, Barry 
Tony Shalhoub, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 
Henry Winkler, Barry

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series

Alex Borstein, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 
Anna Chlumsky, Veep 
Sian Clifford, Fleabag 
Olivia Colman, Fleabag 
Betty Gilpin, GLOW 
Sarah Goldberg, Barry 
Marin Hinkle, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 
Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie

Mahershala Ali, True Detective
Benicio Del Toro, Escape To Dannemora
Jared Harris, Chernobyl
Jarrel Jherome, When They See Us
Hugh Grant, A Very English Scandal

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie

Amy Adams, Sharp Objects
Patricia Arquette, Escape To Dannemora
Anjenou Ellis, When They See Us
Joey King, The Act
Niecy Nash, When They See Us
Michelle Williams, Fosse/Verdon

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Limited Series Or Movie

Asante Blackk, When They See Us
Paul Dano, Escape At Dannemora 
John Leguizamo, When They See Us 
Stellan Skarsgård, Chernobyl
Ben Whishaw, A Very English Scandal 
Michael K. Williams, When They See Us

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Limited Series Or Movie

Patricia Arquette, The Act
Marsha Stephanie Blake, When They See Us 
Patricia Clarkson, Sharp Objects 
Vera Farmiga, When They See Us
Margaret Qualley, Fosse/Verdon 
Emily Watson, Chernobyl

Outstanding Variety Talk Series

The Daily Show With Trevor Noah
Full Frontal
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Last Week Tonight
The Late Late Show
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

The Amazing Race
American Ninja Warrior
Nailed It!
RuPaul’s Drag Race
Top Chef
The Voice

Outstanding Structured Reality Program

Antiques Roadshow
Drive-Ins And Dives Food 
Queer Eye 
Shark Tank 
Tidying Up With Marie Kondo 
Who Do You Think You Are?

Outstanding Animated Program

“The Planned Parenthood Show,” Big Mouth
“Just One Of The Boyz 4 Now For Now,” Bob’s Burgers
“Free Churro,” BoJack Horseman
Come Along With Me
 (Adventure Time)
“Mad About The Toy,” The Simpsons

Outstanding TV Movie

Bandersnatch (Black Mirror)
Brexit
Deadwood
King Lear 
My Dinner With Hervé

Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series

“Ron/Lily,” Barry
“Episode 1,” Fleabag
“Anna Ishii-Peters,” Pen15
“Nothing In This World Is Easy,” Russian Doll
“A Warm Body,” Russian Doll
“Janet(s),” The Good Place
“Veep,” Veep

Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series

“Winner,” Better Call Saul
“Episode 1,” Bodyguard
“The Iron Throne,” Game Of Thrones
“Nice And Neat,” Killing Eve
“Nobody Is Ever Missing,” Succession
“Holly,” The Handmaid’s Tale

While You're Doing Your Late Night Choke, So Is The Planet

Stop it or you and the earth will go blind.

With most media we consume being available online these days, you’d think that it’s made a positive impact in terms of the amount of waste produced. But it turns out that’s not quite the case.

According to the research by a French think tank called The Shift Project, the transmission and viewing of online videos pumps out about 300 million tonnes of CO2 a year (about one percent of global emissions), which is from all the electricity used to transmit the video data to devices such as phones and TVs

It really is.

Of that 300 million, streaming services like Netflix account for a third of it, online porn pumps out another third and the rest is from various bits and bobs like YouTube.

To put that number into perspective, Belgium puts out about 104 million tonnes of CO2 a year. If we were to do some napkin math, it means all our Netflix binging and porno watching generates nearly twice as much CO2 in a year than a literal country. Hell, the annual amount of (CO2) emissions from online porn alone nearly amounts to what Belgium pumps out.

So in short, all your Netflix and chilling, and your late night jerkin’ of the gerkin is putting the earth through some hurtin’.

I don’t even want to imagine how much CO2 was generated here.

Now this may not seem like much relatively speaking but every little bit counts, especially considering that we’re on track for the end of human civilisation by 2050 thanks to climate change.

With new technology, such as 8K video and Google’s upcoming video game streaming platform, Stadia, gradually making its way to the mainstream, the current online video CO2 emissions figure will only grow higher due to the increased amount of electricity required.

While the think tank didn’t try to guesstimate the projected CO2 emissions figure when these new technologies properly arrive, they did recommend a number of measures to limit the emissions from online videos.

These ranged from small changes like stopping videos from autoplaying and not transmitting video in HD when it’s not necessary to bigger measures like cutting down on the Netflix and porn binging, and implementing regulations.

Maybe the solution to this is to just shut Belgium down. If our adult film and binging habits are hurting the country, let’s just shut the whole thing down so we can enjoy all the porn or Netflix we want. The country and people are nice and all, but we just have to ask ourselves one thing: do we really NEED Belgium over our need of Netflix and porn?

Didn’t think so.

So that’s settled then. Yes to splooge and no to Bruges.

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