Bleats

Henry Cavill Is Your New Geralt In Netflix's Witcher TV Series And I Don't Care What Anyone Says Because He's Goddamn Perfect For The Role

Cavill will be expanding his range from a buff action hero to a buff action hero with long hair and scars.

Amongst the many, many expensive projects Netflix is splashing money on over the next few years, one of the more interesting things in the works is a live-action TV adaptation of The Witcher.

With The Witcher having been already adapted into a couple of terrible TV shows and a trilogy of critically-acclaimed video games, Netflix’s Witcher series is already facing an uphill battle to bring something new to the table.

However, even if the whole thing ends up sucking, it certainly won’t have anything to do with the casting because Netflix has hired Henry Cavill to play the lead role of Geralt of Rivia.

The current face and body of Superman will be Geralt in Netflix’s planned eight-episode Witcher series, and it will mark his first TV role since The Tudors.

Now say what you will about Cavill, who can be a bit of a brainless idiot sometimes, but his casting in The Witcher is absolutely spot-on.

The bloke has made it no secret that he is a big fan of The Witcher series, having read all the novels. In fact, he’s publicly said on camera that his dream would be to play Geralt someday, so there’s no doubt about Cavill’s enthusiams and his knowledge of Witcher stuff.

More importantly, Cavill’s chiseled looks make him physically perfect as Geralt.

I mean, check out this little piece of fanart on what the guy would look like as the long-haired monster hunter. Provided that Netflix don’t do some weird CGI stuff for the beard and mustache, I think we have a winner here.

Now there’s still some time before we see any glimpse of what Netflix’s Witcher series would even look like, mainly because showrunner Lauren Schmidt Hissrich only met with Cavill four months ago before any writers were hired or scripts were written.

But with an experiences showrunner who has worked on Daredevil and The Defenders at the helm, a Superman in the lead, and Netflix’s checkbook at the ready, all signs are looking positive for The Witcher series so far.

Plus, who wouldn’t want to see this particular scene lovingly recreated in real-life?

In Today's Edition Of 'Dumb Stuff Gamers Are Angry About', Everyone Is Losing Their Minds Over A Puddle Of Water In The New Spider-Man Game

A game that almost no one has played yet either.

If there is anything equivalent to opening Pandora’s Box in the real world, it would absolutely be the wrath of the angry gamer. No matter what you do in the gaming circle, whether it’s making games, playing games, journalism, or creating content, there will always be someone mad at you for some reason, most of which are pretty stupid.

And in today’s edition of “dumb stuff that gamers are mad about”, a good contingent of gaming fans have got their pitchforks out for the upcoming Spider-Man game over some puddles.

Puddles isn’t code or a metaphor for something, I mean literally puddles of water.

This whole saga about (literally) crying over spilled water began when two screenshots of the same scene involving Spider-Man beating up some goons at a construction site came out. One was from an early 2017 trailer while the other is from a more recent 2018 version of the game.

Eagle-eyed gamers noticed that the 2018 screenshot had way fewer puddles in the scene compared to the 2017, which immediately prompted an “investigation” from triggered fans crying foul over what appears to be a graphical downgrade.

No use crying over spilled water, people.

After some chap tweeted at Insomniac Games (the developers of the game) about the lack of puddles signifying a graphical downgrade in Spider-Man during its 2017 to 2018 development phase, the studio replied in the only possible appropriate way to such a dumb claim.

And by that I mean straight-to-the-point telling everyone that there’s no downgrade with a tinge of snark.

Even the Insomniac Games Community Director was roped into the whole saga, who also tweeted out the exact same answer.

The folk over at Reddit weren’t quite convinced and a post examining the two Spider-Man screenshots soon shot to the front page with over 26,000 upvotes and presumably the same number of pitchforks. Clearly puddles are far more important than I thought.

Look, I can see two sides of the argument here.

Firstly, there has been some legitimate cases where the final game didn’t look anywhere near as good as its initial, misleading trailers (despite still looking amazing). Just ask The Witcher 3 and Watch Dogs 2.

However, games development is a complicated process and it is inevitable that a game will look dramatically different at the beginning of production compared to the final thing. For Spider-Man, a year is a decent chunk of development time, so of course there are going to be visual differences. Hell, even Leonardo Da Vinci went through several early versions of the Mona Lisa before settling on the famous final painting.

Besides, I’m sure the proper explanation is that those puddles dried up from 2017 to 2018. Good games take a lot of time to make ya know.

Roberto Orci, Co-Writer Of Those Awful Transformers Movies, Is Turning Galaga Into A TV Show And Ruining Another One Of My Childhood Loves With His Anti-Midas Touch

Please leave my childhood alone. It hasn't hurt anyone and it definitely doesn't deserve an animated TV adaptation.

If you were to put every single video game adaptation onto a grading scale, you’ll find that most will fall in between “oh dear god, why” and “that was the new definition of ‘meh’” with some exceptions managing to get as high as “that was a lot better than I was expecting”.

With reports now coming out that writer-producer Roberto Orci will be helping to adapt the classic video game Galaga for TV, I have just one thing to say: this is gonna suck, isn’t it?

Deadline states that Orci will help digital studio The Nuttery develop a 12-part animated TV adaptation of Galaga called Galaga Chronicles and has signed on as an executive producer. Also joining the project will be animation studio ShadowMachine, which is best known for producing shows such as BoJack Horseman, Robot Chicken, and Final Space.

As a cherry on top of this news, Orci even dropped one of those cliched “I played this game as a kid and I will use my fond memories to turn it into TV/a movie/whatever” statements.

Galaga is one of the games I played growing up. I have fond memories of the quarters and hours upon hours I spent playing the game. I look forward to working with The Nuttery and to capture that magic in an exciting new format.

Oh boy. It’s like he’s rubbing it in our face.

Having Orci join the project throws up some red flags.

Firstly, he co-wrote several god-awful films in the past few years, including TransformersTransformers: Revenge of the FallenCowboys & Aliens, and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 so he hasn’t had the best track record writing-wise.

Secondly, he’s been the producer of a number of other god-awful films during his career, including Now You See Me and its sequel, and The Mummy with Tom Cruise, so his track record as a producer is also spotty.

And then there’s the biggest problem of all: how on earth are they going to make 12 episodes of Galaga when the game itself had literally no plot and only involved shooting aliens until either you die or they die. I’m not sure if 12 hours of a nameless ship shooting at aliens makes for good binging.

It’s probably too early to judge Galaga Chronicles since there’s still a year or two before the show even hits TV screens, and the studio behind BoJack Horseman is working on the project so there’s definitely some talented people onboard.

And I shouldn’t dump on Orci too much since he did play a big part in some good projects, like producing and writing the recent Star Trek movies and co-creating the TV show Fringe.

This is a case of “let’s wait and see” at the moment, so fingers crossed it lands somewhere between “At least it wasn’t Super Mario Bros. bad” and “it was almost as good as the new Tomb Raider” on the video game adaptation grading scale.

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