Bleats

Princess Fiona Is The Mastermind Behind Ariel's New Live-Action Look

Love it when princesses support princesses.

Disney princesses have almost always been exclusively white. Tiana, in 2009’s The Princess and the Frog, was the first coloured princess. 

That’s 72 years of Disney without any change in colour scheme, if you know what I mean. 

Sure, we got an Arab princess in Jasmine, an Asian princess in Mulan, Native American representation in Pocahontas, and Polynesian princess Moana, but no African American representation. 

I know. Source: Giphy

Plus, five racially diverse princesses do not balance out the historic lack of diversity seen in Disney animations over the years. 

But that was the old Disney. We have officially entered the new Disney era. In this new age, remakes are the norm and diversity is a key focus. 

When it was announced that Halle Bailey (different to Halle Berry) would be playing Ariel in the live-action The Little Mermaid remake the Internet was split between “this is amazing” and people using the #NotMyAriel. Those who prescribed to the second group of people don’t deserve my time, because honestly it’s ridiculous. 

I’m more scandalised by the lack of songs in live-action Mulan than I am at Ariel’s change in skin tone. 

Also, the entire point of a remake is to remake a movie to reflect changes in technology, social expectations and ways of thinking. We shouldn’t be surprised Disney is trying to shake things up- it’s necessary. 

But Disney aren’t the only geniuses here, because the original mastermind behind Ariel’s new and improved live-action look is actually Princess Fiona. Yes, from Shrek

Case in point: 

Fiona definitely knew what she was doing when she booted Ariel off the beach during her honeymoon with Shrek. She not only got the mermaid away from her man but she did us all a solid. A symbolic out with the old and in with the new. 

So thank you Fiona for showing Disney how it’s done. And thank you Disney for changing the game. 

Tiana was the first of, hopefully, many. Source: Giphy

Can Tarzan Swing On Vines Using His Arse Cheeks, An Investigation

Kegels of the jungle.

Tarzan is the loin-cloth wearing, ab owning, vine swinging ape-human of my dreams. He’s an impressive specimen, physically and physiologically. The dude can do some pretty insane stuff with his body.

Surfing along tree trunks, swing between trees on jungle vines and defeating a leopard in a one-on-one fight is not normal human behaviour.

Look at him go! Source: Giphy

There’s a meme floating around that suggest Tarzan is even stronger than we all realise. I present you with Tarzan’s butt clenching ability:

When I first saw the meme this way me: 

Also, damn son. Source: Giphy

But now I mostly have a bunch of questions like, is that even possible? How did Tarzan figure out he could do that? And holy hell, how do you treat butt crack rope burn? 

Ouch. Source: Giphy

I’ve done some research- which just means I did a bunch of Googling- to try and figure out if it is physically possible for a human to develop enough butt strength to clench their way from vine to vine like Tarzan. 

The result? Inconclusive.  

But, if Tarzan could could really grip with his butt, he probably suffered from severe lower back and hip pain as well as restricted movement in his pelvis

When your gluteus maximus, the main muscle in your bum, overworks your other muscles stop working properly and, therefore, weaken. This includes your core. But there’s now way Tarzan has a weak core- just look at the man:

Hellooooo. Source: Giphy

Now that we got that sorted it’s probably time for me to point out Tarzan isn’t actually gripping the vine with his butt-he’s using his feet. Look closely. 

He’s also shown earlier in the movie swinging by his feet so that theory makes a bit more sense.

So if he can’t swing by his butt, does it at least make sense he could swing by his feet? 

I vote no. Holding yourself upright from your feet is impossible because of one main thing- gravity. The weight of your body combined with gravity would pull you forward, even if you had abs of steel like Tarzan.

Let’s give Tarzan the benefit of the doubt here- he’s got momentum to help him stay upright. Basically, his swinging between vines generates enough force to help him stay upright. 

But his toes…are a human’s toes really strong enough to grip and hold like hands? (Yes, i Googled ‘foot grip strength’ to find the answer).

In theory I say yes. Our hands and feet both have five appendages- if our hands can be trained to hold onto stuff then so can our feet. 

The research suggests the same. Toe grip is a complex motion that works similar to hand grip. It requires the use of several muscles, which function differently from person to person depending on their body weight, arch of their foot and flexibility. Toe grip strength can be increased by training, so Tarzan using his feet to swing between vines is very possible. 

After all, he was raised by apes which means he was probably using his feet as second hands his whole life. 

I wouldn’t suggest you go and do monkey bars using your feet, but props to Tarzan. Jane did good. 

Yeah yeah, no need to be smug about it. Source: Giphy

If You’re Cut About Disney Axing Seedy Pete From Toy Story, You’re Missing The Point

There's a snake in my movie.

Disney has been making a conscious and notable effort to change sexist narratives in their films in the wake of the #MeToo movement. 

Their live-action remakes have become increasingly female focused and reimagined female characters as empowered leads. Just think about how real life Belle and Princess Jasmine differ from the cartoon versions. 

Empowered. Source: Giphy

Disney are leading the charge against the sexist norms of the past and reshaping how our world thinks about feminism, respect and equality. 

Their latest move was a subtle one but very important: they deleted a sexist scene from Toy Story 2

The scene was a Hollywood casting couch-style scenario and featured Stinky Pete the Prospector chatting saucily to two Barbie dolls, stroking their hands and suggesting he could get them a part in the next movie. 

You know the scenario. If you’re a female I’m sad to say you might even be familiar with it: old fat man pressures young beautiful woman to exchange sexual favours for career support. 

It makes my skin crawl but it’s a narrative which has been quite common not only in Hollywood but in the real world. Hence, #MeToo. 

The scene in Toy Story 2 is not funny and definitely not necessary to the plot. 

Disney’s decision to re-edit the movie proves they are tuned into current social issues and are self-aware: while they can’t erase their past missteps, they can course correct and work towards change. 

Disney can and are working to change the future. 

I’m not just talking about the future of film- although they are definitely working to change the industry for females- I also mean our future. 

I might love Toy Story as an adult but it’s first and foremost a children’s film and always will be. I don’t’ want my child growing up watching scenes like this one with Prospector Pete and thinking that type of sexist behaviour is okay. 

I don’t want my daughter to think a man of any age, background or profession can use her ambition as leverage for sex. 

If Disney decided to keep the sexist scene in Toy Story 2 they would be perpetuating sexist ways of thinking in young children. Essentially, they would have been saying “this is okay.”

It’s definitely not okay. Thank goodness Disney knows it. 

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