Bleats

The New Episodes Of The Good Place Are Brilliant, But Man Did They Royally Fork Up The Australian Accents

I guess not even the best show on TV can be 100% perfect on everything.

This whole thing assumes you’re caught up to date on all the episodes of The Good Place. If you’re not, maybe don’t scroll down too much because there may be spoilers.

Rejoice, motherforkers, because season three of The Good Place is finally here. And folks, I’m happy to tell you all that the first two episodes are a goddamn delight.

Without diving too deep into the details, the new season picks right up from where last season left off and involves Eleanor tracking Chidi down at a fancy university in Australia and convincing him to teach her how to be a better person. Well-written shenanigans unfold and soon Jason and Tahani find themselves Down Under thanks to some “subtle” machinations by Michael.

Everything is just as hilarious and wholesome as we all remember it, but if I were to reaaaally nitpick on something that new episodes of The Good Place didn’t do quite so well, it would be the awful Australian accents.

A couple of delightful new Australian characters are introduced in The Good Place‘s new season, such as Chidi’s new colleague Henry and his thesis supervisior (and obvious actual soulmate) Simone. But whereas the acting is perfectly fine, the attempts at an Aussie accent are just bad.

Like, being tortured in The Bad Place kind of bad.

Maybe the actors (some of whom aren’t Australian) didn’t have enough time to brush up on their linguistics skills, but their attempts at our accent honestly sound like a poor imitation of Crocodile Dundee, except that they gave up halfway and said “that’ll do”.  Tacking on “mate” at the end of every sentence does not result in an Australian accent, mate.

That being said, Ted Danson’s horrible attempt at an Australian accent is an exception because watching him playing Michael playing an Aussie is just pure comedy, and Janet’s critique of his “performance” is just a brilliant example of comedic timing.

Not even the best show in TV can be perfect on everything and honestly, the rest of the episode was so good I forgot about the whole accent thing.

Now let’s not allow these forking awful Aussie accents turn us off The Good Place because it is honestly a tiny nitpicking needle in a haystack of quality TV, and there honestly isn’t anything quite like it right now. Let’s just enjoy the show until we’re finally sent to the Good (or Bad) Place where we can be subjected to accents far worse than the ones on The Good Place.

The Latest X-Men: Red Comic Book Drops A Powerful Reference To Nauru And Its Awfulness So Time To Get Reading, Australian Politicians

You know you're definitely doing something wrong when the X-Men are calling you out.

Since its debut in the 1960s, the X-Men comic books has always been something of a metaphor for important topics like equality, civil rights, racism and diversity.

With the latest X-Men: Red comic series, civil rights  has been given the spotlight by Aussie writer Tom Taylor and he has wasted no time digging his teeth right into the topic through the eyes of mutants.

In the latest issue of the comic, Taylor decided to incorporate a little piece of Australia’s own problem with human rights violations by dropping a reference to Nauru in a small yet powerful nod to the country’s awful immigration detention policy.

The Nauru reference is particularly powerful because the reported atrocities experienced by detainees at the camp are so awful that it honestly reads like something that can only happen in X-Men comics, which don’t shy away from the horrible treatment encountered by mutants.

You know that you’re doing something terribly wrong when a popular comic book outright calls you out on it with barely any subtlety. Perhaps we should start sending X-Men comics to our politicians because they seem to have no idea about anything regarding Australia’s policies and we might as well try to educate them like a kid by using comics.

On a brighter note, X-Men: Red also has a character named Ambassador Marbury, which is clearly a reference to the endlessly entertaining John Marbury character from The West Wing, so there’s that to lighten things up at least.

A Completely Serious Guide To Road Tripping From Perth To Melbourne Without Getting Wolf Creeked

I've honestly never been to Perth nor have I had a road trip across Australia, but how hard could it possibly be?

You’re in Perth and you happen to have tickets to the AFL grand final between the West Coast Eagles and Collingwood in Melbourne this weekend. However, you’re unable to get a flight to Melbourne because they’re either all sold out or way too expensive (as in a totally unforeseeable move, prices suddenly jacked all the way up on the eve of the AFL grand final).

So what do you do in that scenario?

Two words: road trip!

Road tripping is a fun endeavour on paper, but if you don’t prepare properly, it can become the most difficult thing you’ve ever done. And this is where I come in.

I consider myself something of a road trip veteran. Okay, so I may have never been in Perth  before. Or driven any more than six hours in one sitting. Or know anything about cars. However, I’ve seen enough movies and TV shows to know how to avoid all the classic road trip pitfalls and I have no doubt that were I to go on a road trip from. And besides, how hard could it possibly be?

So without further ado, here is my completely, 100% serious guide to road tripping from Perth to Melbourne so you can support the West Coast Eagles in the AFL grand final. Because petrol is pricey, but a Pies premiership is unthinkable.

Prepare your will

Look, there’s a possibility that you may die out there. I’ve seen enough of Wolf Creek to know what happens in the Australia outback so you might as well be safe rather than sorry (and dead).

Get yourself a car (and a dog)

The most important part of a road trip is of course the car! I mean, the thought of embarking on such an endeavour without one is preposterous. But don’t blow the budget on your chariot. All you need is something reliable, sturdy, comfortable, has decent mileage on it, is in good condition, and for it to not cost above $2,000.

And seeing as how you’re going to be in a car for a few days (I presume it’s something like that long – I can’t emphasise how little research I’ve done here), might as well stretch that budget and bring a dog. Mad Max and Will Smith in I Am Legend did it so why not.

Stock up on supplies. And a heap of music (or podcasts)

You’re going to be stuck in a car for hours upon hours so load up on food, snacks, water, and a flare gun. Make sure you have a healthy serving of protein and greens with your snacks; just because you’re on a road trip doesn’t mean you can ignore the benefits of clean eating.

Mmmmm, fibrous.

Oh, and bring a knife or a blunt object that will hurt if you hit someone with it. You’ll understand soon enough.

And make sure you bring a LOT of music and/or podcasts. I get bored driving 30 minutes to visit my parents so I can’t even imagine what the 324 (ish?) hours in a car from Perth to Melbourne would be like. I recommend Serial, WTF With Marc Maron, or The Betoota Advocate so you can connect with the locals of whichever charming outback outposts you’re passing through.

Know your route

If you don’t plan ahead then you’ll end up lost in the middle of the Aussie outback and that almost always never ends well. Did I mention that I’ve watched Wolf Creek?

So before you take off, map out your route, plan your stops accordingly, and don’t ever sleep out under the stars at night. That’s when the serial killers and dingos come out to feast.

Brush up on your car knowledge

Look, $2,000 will get you a pretty good car but chances are that it will run into a problem or three, especially if those cheap car challenges from Top Gear are anything to go by.

Give yourself a crash course on how to be an ace car mechanic before you set off so you can mend anything that comes loose with just a hammer and some elbow grease. (There is 100% time to learn this from YouTube before you set off tomorrow.)

Limber up your thumb. Actually, limber up everything.

Let’s face it, you know nothing about cars and you definitely didn’t take that crash course on how to be an ace mechanic. That means you’ll have to hitchhike when your car inevitably breaks down. Since you’re going to be stuck on the side of the road for a while, use that time to warm up your thumb so you don’t injure yourself trying to hail down a car.

Also be sure to limber up your whole damn self because if your potential ride turns out to be a murderer, you want to be all warmed up and ready to run. If you can’t run fast enough, that’s where the knife or blunt object I mentioned earlier comes in. If you can’t flee, might as well fight.

You know what? Just forget about road tripping altogether

And after that entire odyssey of road trip tips, I’ve come to the realisation that you’re better off swallowing the costs and just booking a flight. It’s much safer and far less of a hassle.

Or you can just get an Uber from Perth to Melbourne. It only costs about $5,000 and the drivers almost certainly aren’t going to risk lowering their 5-star rating by murdering you.

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