Bleats

The Bachie Ladies Think Elly Is The Favourite, But The Odds Favour Another Lookalike Blonde

Place your bets!

Australians, we are assured, love to bet on pretty much everything and naturally you can plonk some dollars down on the Bachie winner – but be advised that the odds are not on the woman whom the show is positioning as the supposed favourite.

It turns out that there’s a pretty strong difference between who the contestants think is heading for Matt-love, and those that the viewers do.

This is coming out in the betting markets which do no have Elly boasting the shortest odds. In fact, you might say that the whole narrative about Elly being the favourite was an obvious misdirect by the show adhering to the rules of reality TV drama – oh, hold on, we did say exactly that!

Sportsbet‘s punters clearly disagree with the claims that Elly is the favourite to win: she (and Abbie) are on $6.50 to win while Chelsie is far and away the assumed winner on $1.30.

If you’re looking for long odds your best bet is a repeat of last season and there being no winner: that’ll pay out $51. Of course, it’d also kill the franchise so presumably they’re hoping that lightning doesn’t strike twice.

And sure, you could go for one of the rank outsiders but widely-published gossip has already suggested which of the tail-end contestants is heading to freedom next episode.

Now, before you figure it’s all over bar the shouting it’s worth pointing out that the markets – and, more accurately, the people – have gotten it wrong before.

Exhibit A: the last federal election which was assumed to be such a walkover win for Labor that some betting agencies paid out early and then presumably felt a bit silly when the Coalition comfortably won.

So sure, Elly isn’t the obvious victor in Bachie 2019 according to the odds but just on principle, who wants to bet on the favourite? No-one, that’s who.

So it’s anyone’s game! Possibly!

Hey, Remember That Time The Simpsons Made A Big Joke Out Of Serious Suicidal Depression?

I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life!

NOTE: this article contains discussion of mental health and suicide

In but a few short months Disney+ will be on our TVs giving access to (almost) all of The Simpsons, which means many of us will binge the whole lot and go “hey, this joke about Homer deciding to commit suicide in season one kinda hits the wrong note about depression, huh?”

And sure, the show was finding its feet back in 1990, and also it was 1990 and attitudes about mental health were even less sophisticated than they are now. And Homer’s Odyssey isn’t one of the timeless classics beloved by the quoteratti.

Coming to you from the mysterious Land Before HD.

Sure, it does contain Smilin’ Joe Fission, the nuclear plant mascot, Blinky the three-eyed fish and the first on screen appearance of Smithers looking… um, not quite what we’d recognise later on.

Since when did he have grey hair?

But it’s most notable because the first act involves Bart’s class getting a tour of the facility and Homer crashing his cart while waving to Bart, getting fired, being laid out with depression, writing a note for his family and deciding to jump off a bridge.

And then when his family rush to save him and have to cross a busy thoroughfare to do it, he decides to become a safety campaigner. Hilarity, presumably, ensues.

And it’s not a small thing, since animated shows can do a surprisingly important job of addressing mental health issues. Fortunately, we have a lot of particularly thoughtful ones right now: most notably Bojack Horseman, which occasionally gets it way too right.

Anyway, there’s an episode of The Simpsons where Homer being depressed and suicidal is played as a joke. That’s just weird to remember.

Or it would be, except that they did it AGAIN in 1999, in the episode Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder where Homer jumps off a building after become despondent over bowling a perfect game.

…and then they go the Simpsons depression joke YET AGAIN in 2007 with Eternal Moonshine of the Simpsons Mind. You’re really overestimating the hilarity of suicide attempts there, everyone involved in this series.

And there’s really no need for it. Although this is a good opportunity to link to some information about what you should do if someone close to you does attempt to end their life.

Spoiler: it’s not as hilarious as The Simpsons might have suggested.

If you need to talk to someone right now, please call Lifeline on 131114.

Is It Even Possible To Keep The Bachelor Verdict Secret In 2019?

Reality shows go to some crazy extremes to keep their secrets.

We’re still a couple of weeks off the final of The Bachelor but even at this remove it’s hard to imagine that the verdict will remain secret for long.

So revel in this brief window of ignorance, dear friends, before I ruin everything for you below. Or flee now. Now!

You’ve been warned.

See, there are just so many evictees, all of whom are young, active on social media and getting a lot of attention.

And while there have been suggestions of legal crackdowns on the non-disclosure agreements the participants have signed, it’s possible that the horse has already bolted.

It turns out that keeping spoilers under wraps for major TV shows is done the old fashioned way: with threats. And maybe that’s not enough any more.

In the US, where budgets are larger, they have a few other tricks up their sleeve. For one thing, they can afford to hide contestants away until the show finishes (Amazing Race and Survivor losers are reportedly sent to an “undisclosed location”, which sounds incredibly ominous), while Project Runway deliberately held multiple Fashion Week shows to conceal who’d been eliminated before the screening date.  

And according to an Elle piece from 2016, that happily ever after ending for Australian Bachelor winners is a little delayed – as in, the presumably happy couple are forbidden from meeting for months after filming wraps until the show has aired.

Which sounds like a perfectly enforceable condition for grown adults who’ve just pledged their love to each other.

That same article had the tasty snippet that the show also enlisted the help of the Indonesian military to keep paparazzi away from the Bali set lest they spoil the final Rose Ceremony. And heck, that must have been a real thrill for the people who joined the army with dreams of dedicating their lives to protecting and serving their nation.

However in Australia really the only weapon which the shows have these days is the threat of an NDA lawsuit. 

And it should be a strong deterrent, but it only really works if the person doing the leaking is from the show and mouthing off (which hasn’t not-happened so far) and not if, say, a private WhatsApp group is somehow accessed and Women’s Day then merrily print an article about a convo between what seems like the final three which strongly indicates which one won.

Consider yourself warned, humans.

And… look, you’ve read this far and you probably want to know who they are, and it’s… are you ready for this?

…Abbie, Helena and Chelsie. And that’s just part of the verdict which isn’t a secret anymore on The Bachelor!

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