Bleats

Getting Bachelor-Ripped Means Applying Maths To Food Which Sounds Exhausting

Numbers and diet, together at last.

Matt Agnew, as in The Bachelor, is a very ripped man. And this is something which isn’t immediately obvious since everyone on television is basically attractive and thin, but then you see his arms and involuntarily declare DEAR GOD SIR ARE THOSE GUNS REGISTERED?

And he’s explained to Ten Daily how he has achieved this level of ripped, and it involves lots of weights, not eating breakfast, and maths.

So: first up, he runs and lifts weights four times a week, which is approximately loads more than I’m prepared to do for anything, and is why I have the physique of a half deflated balloon while he looks like an action figure.

But it’s his approach to portion control that takes things into the realms of algebra:

“I’m pretty mathematical with my approach, so I generally weigh out everything and measure it all. It’s not necessary to be so diligent, but I think it’s good to do it even for a week or two just to help you get an idea of portion sizes and things like that.”‘

And… look, that sounds very sensible and smart but some of us get home at weird times of the day and have things going on, Matt, we can’t be wasting time setting up a countertop lab.

Of course, the dude’s a scientist so maybe he just has those things lying around. In any case, you want to get as ripped as Matt, you need to start Bachelor-measuring stuff more often.

No One Froths On The Bachelor (And Bachie Trolls) More Than Osher Günsberg

Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life.

There are many things which I have learned about the world and myself by watching The Bachelor, and most of them are “goddamn I am glad that I am married”, but also it’s this: Osher Günsberg is very, very good on Twitter.

In fact, I’ve developed an unexpected new respect for Mr G and his Twitter game, which is rakishly on point.

See, in a world when most public figures tend to be as anodyne as possible as though horrified at the thought of expressing an opinion, Osher is happy to offer some (gentle, reasonable) pushback when people drag his show.

Or one-upping people’s sassy digs:

Or talking through the production specifics of making television:

…including how his job works

It also works as a poem.

But even so, it doesn’t stop him taking a moment to bask in the wonder of the show as a viewer.

And heaven help you if you dare level the slightest of doubts about the authenticity of Osher Günsberg his love of Survivor, which makes his love of The Bachelor pale in comparison. Dude legitimately froths on it, make no mistake.

Mr Günsberg, we salute your efforts. Everyone else in television, consider your social media, compare it with Osher’s, and make the necessary adjustments. We’ll wait.

If You Didn’t Change Your Undies Today You’re Not Alone, Sadly

If you've ever wondered "ewww, what the hell is that stench?" then we have some horrible data for you.

Look, we don’t want to pant shame anyone but if you started the day without a change of undies then… look, you can do better.

In fact, a statistically significant number of you are apparently not changing your intimates every week and that’s just horrifying, although also explains why the bus smells like that.

And it’s a story which we’d like to take with a pinch of salt, if only to do something to help disinfect the manky dacks which are apparently being worn all over the shop.

The survey from which this statistic is taken, you see, is an American underwear company – and you might justifiably think it’s coming from a place that has a pretty active interest in people buying more underwear.

But even if we assume that Tommy John’s numbers might be a little skewed in favour of greater smalls-purchases, the idea that 45 per cent of Americans are not wearing fresh underwear daily and that 13 per cent of them are wearing them for a week or more is cause for worry.

Women are rather more assiduous about changing their pants than are men, which should surprise literally no-one. But even so, there’s little about this story which should give people relief or happiness.

And there’s a reason you should wash your undies and why shouldn’t hang onto them for years on end: they’re hugging a high-bacteria part of your body, some of which can get a bit… well, infecty.

In any case: maybe give your dacks a bit of a bonus scrub, or treat yourself to a new tighty-whitey three-pack, gents.

But at the very least: different crotch-fabric each day, please. Society doesn’t ask that much of you, at least do this small thing for us.

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