Bleats

Someone Please Save Monty Mole From The Clear Distress Of Playing Whack-A-Mole In Nintendo’s New Super Mario Party

Current stress level: Monty Mole forced to turn against his own kind.

Super Mario Party has just been released on Nintendo Switch and it has become quickly apparent that it’s not all just fun and games for everyone involved.

Specifically, the virtual board game has a whack-a-mole mini-game that sweet baby angel Monty Mole does NOT enjoy playing. But if you choose Monty Mole as your avatar, he must, begrudgingly, whack his fellow moles.

It is a disturbing sight to see.

The YouTube channel ‘GameXplain’ pointed out the dark irony of the torturous ‘Rhythm and Bruise’ game, and now the shell-shocked look on Monty’s face is killing souls everywhere.

Poor Monty Mole sweats literally the entire time he is forced to turn against his own and goes wide-eyed occasionally as he grapples with the violent betrayal he has inflicted against his will.

It’s very dark for a game titled Super Mario Party.

Only in 2018 does this sinister thought experiment make it from the development stage into the finished product of a game. Not even Super Mario is safe from a little piece of the dystopian pie.

But you can choose to refuse the path of sadism and just don’t make Monty Mole play the mole-whacking game! Do the right thing. Save Monty.

Mario Fans Out-Horny Their Sexy Female Bowser Fan Art With An Actual Cosplayed Bowsette Porno

Princess Peach is gonna be pissed.

Recently the Mario gaming community blew up the internet with fan-drawn impressions of the imagined female version of Bowser: Bowsette.

The fan art depicts Bowsette as big-breasted and half-naked, mostly decked out in a dominatrix-esque outfit, which we thought was peak horny for the gaming community.

But we stand corrected. Someone has made actual Bowsette porn with actors cosplaying the Super Mario characters.

Among an already-vast range of animated Bowsette porn which I can now report very much exists online, there is this new, fairly elaborate, addition to the genre.

On PornHub this is listed as a parody video, which is what I therefore thought it was until Bowsette and Mario actually started engaging in felatio. On a #69 race car bed.

It’s at once a travesty of childhood imagery and a masterpiece of niche gamer kink.

The video has already been watched nearly 90k times on PornHub and heads up, it’s not for the faint-hearted, or an open plan office.

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