Bleats

Internet Nerds Have Tested That Stranger Things Car Crash Scene In Reality

Hey, who doesn't just want to crash some cars?

When watching the last season of Stranger Things it’s possible that you didn’t find yourself going “hey, I wonder if that nail-biting scene where Steve Harrington t-bones Billy Burn’s car was accurate in terms of the relative mass of those vehicles”.

But if so, we have some news: yes!

This analysis comes via Rhett Alain at OneZero, who wondered if a convertible Cadillac would actually be able to ram a racing Camaro and knock it out of the way of a bunch of trapped kids.

Sadly – or perhaps thankfully – he didn’t test this by actually finding a creepy deserted shopping mall car park and setting up a real life demolition derby, because that is a very good way for physicists to get very badly hurt.

Instead, he sat down and did the maths. And by “did the maths” I mean he literally did mathematics. Specifically, algebra.

Mmmm, physics!

In a nutshell, what plays out on screen is exactly what you’d expect given the circumstances.

“Using a Camaro speed of 27 meters per second and an angle of 30 degrees means the Cadillac needs to be traveling 15.6 meters per second or about 35 mph to knock it out of the way. Oh, that’s nice.”

The entire working is worth checking if you’re a fan of two-body collisions, but the main takeaway from this is that someone took what was unambiguously the least weird event from three seasons of Stranger Things and went “you know, interdimensional monsters aside, I’m not sure if a car would behave like that in a high-speed accident – I need to do some calculations!”

This bit: far, far weirder.

Like, it’s not even the weirdest thing that happens in that scene: then a giant monster looms over the building and pursues their fleeing vehicle. This entire analysis is based on a moment which would merit about six words in an episode description and yet he deployed mad physics for it.

And that, friends, is the sort of overthinking we like around here. Stranger Things car crashes rather than Upside Down metaphysics: that we can get behind.

Bless you, Rhett Alain. Bless you and bless your big, nerdy brain.

The Bachelor Contestants Are In A Toxic Relationship, They Just Don't Realise It Yet

This isn't a situation anyone should be in, televisual or otherwise.

The Bachelor is all about finding love through the time-tested technique of televised competitive dating, which isn’t just a weird way to find a relationship but is actually… well, also downright toxic.

If you had a friend who spent their entire time pondering how best to respond to their boyfriend in order to placate him, with the risk of being discarded for the sin of expressing a contrary opinion, then what would you do?

Allow me to answer: you’d tell them to head for the hills. Even if those hills didn’t have adorable alpacas frolicking upon them as per the Bachelor lawns.

And this is where the final six women in The Bachelor are right now, monitoring every utterance to ensure that they’re as compliant and agreeable as possible, knowing – correctly, in this case – that they’re headed for the waiting car.

And yes, that’s the point of the show and no reflection of Matt himself. But even so, if someone you were dating said “hey, let’s go skydiving!” and you said “actually, no, that terrifies me” then you’d figure a decent human would go “OK, how about something else?” rather than feeling like showing the slightest advocacy for one’s own health and happiness was a relationship-ending event.

That’s a whole bunch of red flags, right there.

And it didn’t even pay off, as Kristen learned in episode 12.

And we get that the people who go on this show are people who self-select for this kind of aggressively competitive environment. This is an opt-in situation, obviously.

But this still sends an insidious message, which is that if you want to appeal to someone you need to contort your personality and opinions into whatever shape wins their approval. And, furthermore, that failing to do so Has Consequences.

And as a bonus insult, if you’re good at doing that – as per Abbie, the ostensible villain of the show – then you’ll be slammed for being fake and manipulative. Only those that actively opt in to the self-censorship will be considered deserving.

Basically, in decades to come The Bachelor is going to feature in SO VERY MANY gender studies courses. And in psychology sessions explaining to people how to spot a toxic relationship before it’s too late.

The Bachelor Takes One Lucky Lady On The Absolute Worst Date Ever

In real life, she should be running away and never looking back.

Here’s a fun question for you: when stepping out with a new squeeze, when do you roll out the detailed ten year plan for your relationship. Date two? Date four? Absolutely never because that is utterly insane?

Matt Agnew, Australia’s Bachelor (The), did not go for the last option. Or the second one.

His date with Helena in episode 12 literally consisted of driving to a field where there was a huge timeline, seemingly carved out of marble, where they were going to plan out what ten years together would look like.

You know, butcher’s paper would have been fine.

And Helena, not unreasonably, got very flustered and then bailed on the date, begging a producer to get her out of there (the date, not the show) while Matt presumably sat there worried that they hadn’t adequately planned when to have “Travel And Adventure”.

And she was absolutely right to do so.

Let’s talk about this as a date choice.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the worst possible date in the entire history of dates, short of suggesting a late night dinner in a supermarket carpark followed by a dip in some warm abattoir runoff. 

My wife and I have been together for several years, made two fresh human beings together, and have never, ever, ever had a conversation that contained the phrase “so, by year seven where do you see us being?” 

Not only is that weirdly controlling behaviour, there’s nothing – literally nothing – that kills a relationship like taking it for granted, and blithely assuming that you’ll be together in seven years because that’s when you’ve decided to have Child #3 is a cool way to announce that you don’t know how life works. Or, for that matter, human fertility. 

And while we’re on the subject, this was something which was sticking in my craw about the previous Bachelors giving advice of the flavour “if you pick the right person you can get a marriage! And kids!” like they are things you tick off a life-schedule. 

No, they are not. No no no no no. 

They’re not trophies you win and shelve. They’re points which change your life and spin it off in different directions. And having kids changes a relationship too, not least in that it puts some pretty hard limits on your “Travel And Adventure” plans.

(For one thing, you’re going to have MANY, MANY, MANY MORE BAGS. Jesus, just going to a shopping centre requires more luggage than solo me used to take for a week interstate.)

And yes, this is is a show where there is a ticking clock on people working out their compatibility and how well their futures align, but it’s also a show where people date and presumably show off their best selves.

And if your best self is informing someone you met a couple of weeks earlier that your marriage should fall no later than 2022, you need to get a better one.

Pop-up Channel

Follow Us