Bleats

Star Wars Missed Out A Golden Opportunity By Turning Down The Best Actress Of Our Generation

Missed opportunity.

The filmmakers have done a pretty good job in casting the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy and anthology films. Not only did they manage to lure back all the major stars from the Original Trilogy, they also struck gold by casting talented folk like Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Lupita Nyong’o, Kelly Marie Tran, Gwendoline Christie, Emilia Clarke, and Laura Dern just to name a few.

But the filmmakers missed out on a golden casting opportunity when they inexplicably said no to the greatest actress of our generation: Emma Thompson.

(No disrespect to Meryl Streep. Totally love her to bits, but Emma is just fantastic.)

What the hell are you doing, Star Wars?

The Oscar-winning actress spilled the beans on being snubbed for Star Wars during her WIRED Autocomplete interview with Mindy Kaling. She revealed that she’s a big Star Wars fan and her agent got in touch with the producers who were putting together the Sequel Trilogy or one of the anthology films.

But rather than immediately say yes and praying to the heavens for their luck in getting Emma bloody Thompson to be in their Star Wars movie, they just said “nah”. Seriously, who says no to Emma Thompson, especially when she expressed interest in being in your little movie?

(The part where she tells the story comes in at about the 1:22 mark.)

Not dismissing the people who were ultimately cast in whatever film Emma was interested in because everyone has been great, but that’s a golden opportunity missed right there.

As good as they are, the Sequel trilogy and anthology films aren’t exactly flawless but not casting Emma Thompson in them has been the biggest flaw to come out so far.

We Broke Down The Most Popular Hollywood Cinematic Universes So You Don't Have To

Slow down with all the universes, Hollywood, please.

Ever since Marvel kicked off the whole cinematic universe fad with 2008’s Iron Man, it seems like every Hollywood studio has tried to launch their own shared universe thingy with varying results.

With so many movies seemingly linked together with common characters and recurring plot points, it’s all become a bit of a fustercluck for the average moviegoer to keep up. But fear not as I’m here to break down all the cinematic universes that are popular these days so you know what the lowdown is and what order you should watch all the films.

Now because there have been so many failed and concluded universes, I’m not counting those with only one film entry (sorry Dark Universe), have not had a new entry for ages, or any TV shows that take place in the same universe.

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Ah the most popular shared film universe that’s the envy of Hollywood studios these days. However, the chronology is absolutely shambolic as not only are there a whopping 23 films and counting, Marvel frequently jump from time period to time period depending on the movie.

So if you want the best Marvel Cinematic Universe viewing experience, ignore all the release dates because this is the chronological order you’ll want to watch all the films:

  1. Captain America: The First Avenger
  2. Captain Marvel
  3. Iron Man
  4. Iron Man 2
  5. The Incredible Hulk
  6. Thor
  7. The Avengers
  8. Iron Man 3
  9. Thor: The Dark World
  10. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
  11. Guardians of the Galaxy
  12. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2
  13. Avengers: Age of Ultron
  14. Ant-Man
  15. Captain America: Civil War
  16. Doctor Strange
  17. Black Panther
  18. Spider-Man: Homecoming
  19. Thor: Ragnarok
  20. Ant-Man and the Wasp
  21. Avengers: Infinity War
  22. Avengers: Endgame
  23. Spider-Man: Far From Home

Star Wars

The Star Wars cinematic universe is actually pretty easy to follow since all the main films have a convenient “Episode *insert Roman number*” subtitle. However, it’s the new slate of spin-off anthology films that muddy the waters a bit. Luckily, those fit into the chronological watching order pretty cleanly:

  1. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
  2. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
  3. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
  4. Solo: A Star Wars Story
  5. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
  6. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
  7. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
  8. Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi
  9. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
  10. Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
  11. Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

DC Extended Universe

This one is a bit of a weird one so bear with me. It all started with Man of Steel but things went a bit pear-shaped when the next couple of films got scathing reviews so DC’s plan to launch a Marvel-esque universe took a bit of a backseat. Since then, all subsequent films were all positioned as relatively standalone flicks but still linked to the shared “DC” universe though it seems like they’ve given up on any more “team-up” movies for now.

It’s a bit of a rollercoaster fustercluck to be honest, not unlike the quality of the films actually. Anyway, watch them in this order:

  1. Wonder Woman
  2. Wonder Woman 1984 (when it comes out)
  3. Man of Steel
  4. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
  5. Suicide Squad
  6. Justice League
  7. Aquaman
  8. Shazam!

MonsterVerse

One of Hollywood’s newest cinematic universes that is directly inspired by all those Japanese Godzilla flicks from yesteryear. Since there’s only been three movies so far, it won’t take you too long to get up to speed, though you’ll want to watch it in this order if you want to do it properly:

X-Men

Good grief, where to begin. There was the initial trilogy of X-Men movies before they decided to soft reboot the series with another trilogy of films. Throw in a bunch of solo Wolverine films and a some inconsistent time travel plot devices and what you get is an absolute mess of watching chronology.

Look, I tried my best with this one so don’t @ me:

  1. X-Men: First Class
  2. X-Men: Days of Future Past

Here’s where the timeline splits into two. For timeline A, the order is:

  • X-Men Origins: Wolverine
  • X-Men
  • X2: X-Men United
  • X-Men: The Last Stand
  • The Wolverine

For the second timeline (which we’ll call “B”), the order is:

  • X-Men: Apocalypse
  • X-Men: Dark Phoenix
  • Deadpool
  • Deadpool 2
  • Logan

Not if it works, Wade!

Spider-Man/Amazing Spider-Man/Venom/Whatever Sony are doing

We’re getting into weird territory here so let me quickly explain. Sony initially had the rights to Spider-Man, which is why they made the first few Spider-Man movies (starring Tobey Maguire) instead of Marvel. But after an unsuccessful reboot attempt, Sony struck a deal with Marvel and that’s how Spider-Man: Homecoming came to be. That being said, Sony are still making their own Spidey cinematic universe independent of Marvel’s. In conclusion, it is messier than a high school break up.

Luckily, there aren’t too many movies to sort through so the watching order is pretty simple. When it comes to quality though, well, that’s another article altogether.

  1. Spider-Man
  2. Spider-Man 2
  3. Spider-Man 3

The universe was then rebooted with Andrew Garfield as Spidey and we got two awful movies:

  1. The Amazing Spider-Man
  2. The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The reboot flopped and so Sony rebooted its universe again but this time with Venom as the main character. Yeah, I don’t get it either but whatever:

  1. Venom
  2. Morbius (still to come, whenever it comes)

Is it though?

Planet of the Apes

The Apes franchise has had a storied history over the decades but the one we’re interested in is the most recent iteration of the universe, which were arguably the most critically-acclaimed entries of the entire series.

Not counting the old movies, there are only three films (so far) in the rebooted universe but all have titles that are exactly the same save for one word, which can make things confusing. Don’t worry though, I gotchu:

  1. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
  2. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
  3. War of the Planet of the Apes

Them’s the eyes of a great film trilogy.

Pixar

There was a theory that every Pixar film takes place in the same universe, which is incredibly convincing though unconfirmed by the studio. But seeing as how familiar characters and Easter eggs pop in for cameos in every movie, I’m assuming this is a cinematic universe until Pixar tell me otherwise.

While you can watch nearly any Pixar film in any order and it’ll still make sense, the chronological order is something wildly different to the release order:

  1. The Good Dinosaur
  2. Brave
  3. The Incredibles
  4. Incredibles 2
  5. Toy Story 
  6. Toy Story 2
  7. Finding Nemo
  8. Finding Dory
  9. Ratatouille
  10. Toy Story 3
  11. Toy Story 4
  12. Up
  13. Inside Out
  14. Coco
  15. Cars
  16. Cars 2
  17. Cars 3
  18. WALL-E
  19. A Bug’s Life
  20. Monster’s University
  21. Monster’s Inc
  22. Onward (assumed)

Here Are A Bunch Of Promising New Shows That Will Plug The Game Of Thrones-Sized Hole In Your Life

Time for a new watercooler show to get overexcited about every week.

Now that Game of Thrones has ended, we’re all in an odd place that should’ve spent some time preparing for but didn’t because we were still getting over exactly what went down in season eight: what show should we now watch to plug the Iron Throne-sized hole in our lives?

Luckily for us all, it’s 2019 and there are more new shows still to come than you can shake a stick at. But since replacing Game of Thrones is a gargantuan task, no matter what you thought of the final season, I thought I might recommend some brand new shows that are still to come this year, all of which are fantastical, weird, funny, great-looking, and sometimes all of the above.

Just a heads up, I’m only including new shows and ignoring returning shows since those have been around for a while.

His Dark Materials

My top pick as your Game of Thrones replacement as it tells a fantastical tale of two children going on an epic adventure in a wondrous land filled with magic, celestial powers, and an overabundance of danger. While there are no dragons, you do get dæmons in the form of cute animals such as ferrets and polar bears so that’s pretty cool.

There’s also the all-star cast that includes Dafne Keen, Ruth Wilson, James McAvoy, and Lin-Manuel Miranda so you know you’re getting some quality performances.

And finally, it is based on Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials novels, which are all completed so you don’t have to worry about the finale sucking. As for when the show will air, the only window we have is “late 2019”.

Good Omens

What happens when a demon and an angel somehow become BFFs and end up living peacefully on earth, only to be drawn into a battle between Heaven and Hell against their will? Well that’s Good Omens in a nutshell, which is based on Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s 1990 novel of the same name.

The tone is goofy, the cast is electric (it’s got David Tennant, Michael Sheen, and Jon Hamm just to name a few), and it’s going to premiere on May 31 so you won’t have long to wait.

Watchmen

After Zack Snyder had a go at adapting Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons seminal comic, Watchmen, it’s HBO’s turn and it looks like this one will bring something new to the table than just being a straight adaptation.

Apparently this version will tell a new, original story that’s set after the original Watchmen, essentially making it a pseudo-sequel of sorts. Whatever it is, it certainly looks super interesting though we’ll have to wait a little bit for it as it’s tentatively penciled in for a late 2019 premiere.

The Mandalorian 

Ah, the gritty, live-action Star Wars TV show we always wanted. Taking place in between the Original and Sequel trilogies, The Mandalorian will follow a “lone gunfighter” called the Mandalorian as he gets up to no good around the galaxy. Based on what we know so far, it’s got sand, bounty hunters, blasters, droids, and Stormtroopers, and that’s a recipe for entertainment at the very least.

If you’re keen, you’re going to have to get Disney+ to watch it as it’ll premiere on November 12, but hey, it looks like it’ll be worth it.

The Witcher

We haven’t heard much about The Witcher, Netflix’s big-budget fantasy series based on Andrzej Sapkowski’s book series of the same name, but we do know three things.

Firstly, it’s a big fantasy epic with swords and magic, so that’s pretty comfortable territory to wade back into. Secondly, it’s coming out late this year so there will be a little bit of a short wait. And thirdly, it’s got Henry Cavill looking like the bastard love child of Legolas and Lucius Malfoy.

The Boys

Probably the weirdest yet funnest looking show I’ve seen in a while. Developed by Eric Kripke, Seth Rogen, and Evan Goldberg (who made Preacher so you know this’ll be something good), The Boys is based on the comic book of the same name and basically digs into the question of “what would the world be like if heroes existed and they were egotistical assholes?”

It’s a fun premise and looks to be filled with comedy, blood, guts, sex, and more shenanigans than a circus clown on acid. With a July 26 premiere date, the Boys aren’t that far off.

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