Bleats

Your Sex Life Just Took A Massive Hit From Indonesia’s President, Now You’re Paying Attention

Welp, that's Bali's tourism industry gone in a flash.

After Bali announced that it will be booting Aussie bogans back to Australia if they get overly grotty, Indonesia has now announced that it will put you all in jail if you decide to have extramarital sex while visiting the country.

According to The Sydney Morning Herald, the increasingly-conservative Indonesian government are planning to introduce a series of sweeping legal changes that’ll make extramarital sex a jailable offence, even if it is consensual.

But lawmakers aren’t just cracking down on unmarried folks who want to get freaky in the sheets. Living together without being legally married – which can include simply sharing a hotel room with a friend – and obscene acts in public both will land you a six-month prison stint.

But look, these draconian laws aren’t all doom and gloom. The Indonesian government also plan on criminalising fake news, bestiality and black magic so it’s not all bad for us tourists from Australia.

If this extramarital sex law sounds like something ultra-conservative Indonesian lawmakers pulled out of their arse to punish tourists in Bali for not taking their pearl clutching seriously, well you’d be right actually.

Melbourne University and director of the Centre for Indonesian Law, Islam and Society Professor Tim Linsday says the highly regressive “extramarital sex provision is new to Indonesia” and can be pinned on the growing “moral panic” and “increasing conservatism” in the country, which has already targeted people from the LGBTQI+ community and other minorities.

Lindsay does note that the country is “awash with laws that are never enforced, so there’s that to take into consideration.

With hanky panky likely to be made illegal in Indonesia, this will undoubtedly have a massive impact on tourism. With the threat of jail looming for unmarried tourists, visiting Bali has suddenly become a travel risk should these new legal changes go through.

Don’t expect Bali to turn into a haven for married couples either as they’re likely to be vulnerable to extortion from corrupt cops who will insist you’re not married unless you pay them.

Unsurprisingly, these planned legal changes have sparked concern from human rights groups. Human Rights Watch Indonesia researcher Andreas Harsono thinks the laws will be passed but will be “lobbying multiple parties to try and stop this.”

In the worst case scenario that where the laws do get passed, it’ll be a “couple of years” for the laws to be enforced so there’s a tiny silver lining.

So to all those tourists from Australia or wherever, if you’re planning to visit Bali then better get in quick before the ridiculous extramarital sex laws get passed.

Otherwise, I hear that Japan and Fiji are quite nice places where you can have all the fun and extramarital sex you want.

Tinder Is Pivoting From Dating App To Streaming Service To Help You Get Laid

May the odds and swipes be forever in your favour.

Time to add a new platform to your Netflix, Stan and soon-to-be Disney+ and Apple TV subscriptions because Tinder is going from dating app to streaming service.

According to Variety, Tinder will be releasing its own original series in October, making it the dating app’s first content offering.

Set during an impending apocalypse – presumably due to an overwhelming amount of streaming services – this new untitled six-episode series will ask the big question, “Who would you spend your last night alive with?”, and will be released for viewing on the app.

So how exactly does this work exactly since all you do on Tinder is swipe left or right?

Well the series will use a “choose-your-own-adventure” format and you’ll swipe left or right to advance the two-hour plot however you want it.

“Not you, definitely not you.”

If you’re wondering why Tinder is pivoting so wildly into the content game, it’s all to help you single folk out there get laid rather than the love of making shows. Well, sort of.

The folks behind the dating app clearly feel that the old “matching people based on interests” thing is a little old and so they’ve decided to spice things up a bit. Variety reports that Tinder intend to “create an algorithm based on how its users make decisions within the series, and then match them with romantic interests based on those choices.”

So not only do you have to take your choices seriously as you watch this series but going back and checking out all other potential endings could screw your chances of matching with someone who might be the one.

Just another layer of stress to the already stressful game that is dating.

Now Variety reports that this Tinder original series will air first on the app but producers are looking into possibly releasing it onto other streaming platforms later on so everyone can have a go at this choose-your-own-adventure story without worry about the dating aspect of it.

Don’t be surprised if this turns up on Netflix considering they already have the capability to do the choose-your-own-adventure stuff.

It remains to be seen how this all pans out but if this works as intended, at least you can legit use the icebreaker “so how would you survive a zombie apocalypse?” when meeting with a Tinder match and not have it be overly too weird.

Someone Tell The Merriam-Webster Dictionary People To Stop Trying To Make 'Sesh' Happen

Just because it's official doesn't mean it's going to happen.

People have been bemoaning the death of the English language for some time but it appears we’ve reached a point where that saying actually holds some weight because Merriam-Webster has added a bunch of new words to its online dictionary that’ll make you go “why?”

A total of 533 new words were added and a bunch of them made some sense, such as “haircut” and “deep state.” But for some unholy reason, Merriam-Webster decided to label a bunch of abbreviations as official dictionary entries, such as “vacay,” “sesh,” “inspo,” and the absolute worst one, “solopreneur” (which is a solo entrepreneur).

Very good question, Ross.

I get that the English language adapts and evolves over time as it has done over the last millennium, but are abbreviations for “vacation,” “session,” and “inspiration” really necessary?

Not every butchered word or stupid saying needs to be added into the dictionary you know, Merriam-Webster. Stop trying to make “sesh,” “vacay” and other abbreviations happen. It’s not going to happen.

Aside from the questionable addition of abbreviations, there are a bunch of new words that throw up raised eyebrows but sort of make sense.

New words like “escape room,” “free solo,” “Bechdel test” and “coulrophobia” (an abnormal fear of clowns, undoubtedly brought up by Joker and It Chapter Two) have been floating around the pop-culture atmosphere so why not make it official.

Can’t quite explain the inclusion “pickleball” though.

This is related to pickleball, right?

On the other end of the spectrum, Merriam-Webster also added in a few long overdue words about race and identity. “They” and “them” is now an official gender-neutral pronoun, and there’s also “inclusive” and “colourism.”

But the best (or worst depending on your mileage) addition to the online dictionary by far is “dad joke,” so get all those puns out of your system because it’s all legit now. Just don’t write them down with a broken pencil, it’s pointless (sorry).

Anyway, check out some of the new Merriam-Webster words here. Don’t expect any chemistry related words because they knew those wouldn’t get a reaction (again, sorry).

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