Bleats

Your Primary School Spelling Ability May Actually Help Your Bedroom Skills

Netflix and spell.

Spelling tests are a staple part of every kid’s primary school education. After all, it’s important to know the difference between there, they’re, and their.

While most folk place less emphasis on spelling as they get older, here’s a reason why you may want to brush up on your wordsmithing skills from yesteryear: it’ll take your bedroom skills to the next level.

Well, sorta.

Onomatopoeia – O, N, O… ooooo…

There’s a viral sex tip that making the rounds online that involves spelling and coconuts. Bear with me here, it gets good.

The gist is this: when you’re on top of your partner, spell the word “coconut” with your hips. Geddit? Yup, you know what’s going on here.

The origins of this peculiar spelling sex tip is not known but it has popped up on Twitter in early 2019 courtesy of someone who presumably likes spelling bees, coconuts, and sex (not in that order).

The tip then went viral thanks to the Kilimani Mums Udaku Zone KMUZ Facebook group because a woman asked the group “how riding on top works” and everyone advised her to spell coconut with her hips.

That’s not how you spell “coconut”.

Unsurprisingly, the internet had a field day with this “spell coconut with your hips” tip and boy were there some great – and thirsty – gems on Twitter.

Now spelling coconuts with your hips is impressive but some folks (rightfully) wanted to push their skills a bit further with some more difficult words.

Hey, one person’s “coconut” may be another’s “onomatopoeia”, not to mention that a bigger spelling vocabulary is probably going to lead to better sexy times.

As for whether this tip actually works, apparently spelling “coconut” with your hips does indeed have a noticeable difference for some. Who would’ve thought coconuts and your primary school spelling ability would lead to better splooshes?

So if you’re going to test this tip out, better dust off that thesaurus and stretch those hips beforehand since it sounds like it’s going to be quite the mental and physical workout.

A Lot More Pie-Boning Went Down In American Pie Than You Thought

They definitely didn't eat it all.

Raunchy teenage sex comedies involving hormonal kids trying to get laid are nothing new to moviegoers. But perhaps none have quite captured the imagination of audiences quite like 1999’s American Pie.

It’s surprisingly honest, hilarious, and holds up surprisingly well despite being 20 years old. But let’s be real, the reason why we still remember the film is because of that infamous scene where Jim bones that apple pie.

You know the one.

Well, actually it is.

For those who don’t remember or haven’t seen the film, Jim (Jason Biggs) is told by his buddies that getting to “third base” felt like “warm apple pie”. Later, he comes home and lo and behold, there’s a warm apple pie sitting on the kitchen counter. And as one does when they’re a naive teenager who’s yet to have sex, Jim decides to bone it.

Now depending on if you saw the movie in cinemas or on DVD, you would’ve either seen Jim humping and pumping the pie on the kitchen counter or holding the pie against, uh, himself.

It’s a lot of pie-porking but the truth is that there was a lot more boning than what we saw and it’s enough to make you feel sorry for both Jim and what’s left of the pie.

It still looks exactly what we think it looks like.

The New York Times (of all places) did a deep dive into the making of the pie-boning scene with the filmmakers and Biggs revealed that he wasn’t aroused. Not only that, he didn’t even stick his dick in the (fake) pie and sort of just had his junk “against” the (fake) pie.

Talk about not taking one for the team. Daniel Day-Lewis would’ve done it for real and he would’ve won an Oscar for it.

Anyway, while Biggs didn’t actually bone a pie for real, he did have to fake-bone the pie a lot. Like a lot. He not only filmed those two versions of the scene above, the director would make him do multiple takes from various angles with his bits at various levels of exposure.

All in all, he said it took six hours to film the scene, which is heaps of pie-boning no matter how you swing it.

“Like, ‘O.K., you’re showing too much crack. Oh, you’re showing not enough crack. We can see a little bit of your penis here.’ It was probably like six hours of doing it from all different angles and all different versions of it. “

But all jokes aside, credit must be given to all the work that went into the pie-boning scene and Biggs’ adult-star level of stamina because all that humping resulted in an iconic scene that made American Pie a teenage sex comedy classic and a place in film history as “the dude who porked an apple pie”.

If You're Single, You're Likely Spending More Money Than You Think

Your wallet hates you for being single than you do.

For all the gripes some may have about being single, there are some pros to not being tied down.

You have more time to yourself, you’re not beholden to anyone when figuring out what to do in your spare time, and you can eat whatever you want without going through the dreaded hour-long dance of figuring out what you feel like having.

But if there’s any motivation to take yourself off the market, it’s perhaps this little sobering fact: being single is probably costing you more money.

Then stop being single.

When you’ve got a partner, you’re probably content with staying in more often than not. But if you’re flying single, you’re having to go on more dates to find that special someone, which means having to spend more dosh on drinks, food, and entertainment. Even when you’re not on a date, you’re probably eating or drinking away those single blues anyway.

Then there’s all the prep work you’ve got to put in before even going on a date. Gym memberships, clothes shopping, hair and make-up, and health insurance (for when you injure yourself at the gym) all cost moolah. Health insurance in particular costs considerably more for singles than couples for some inexplicable reason.

But hey, that’s the price you pay (literally) in order to look and feel good.

The price of being single extends beyond all the dating related stuff. You’re likely paying more to rent a place as a single person compared to couples, who can just split the bill in half. Plus you’ll have to throw in things like finding roommates and a place that’s the ideal cost-to-distance ratio to suit your budget just to add extra stress to the whole being single thing.

It’s not just rent either as couples can just split their bills down the middle wheres singles have to bear the brunt of everything on their own.

As for buying a house, well if the chances of doing that are low when you’re a couple, they’re even lower when you’re going at it alone.

So for the sake of your bank balance, best go polish up that dating profile and find that special someone, companionship and happiness be damned.

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