Bleats

Women Watching Lesbian Porn Is Very Normal, And There’s A Good Reason Why So Many Of Us Do It

Lesbian is the #1 most popular category with women on Pornhub, and it makes total sense.

Solo sexual exploration is like a sweet-ass party that adolescent girls just aren’t invited to. We receive the message that it is just not for us and if you’re doing it, then keep that sh*t under wraps because it just isn’t ladylike.

Things are finally changing, but the stigmatisation of women masturbating has left many of us relatively in the dark on a lot of things.

Like porn. ‘Do women watch porn?’, and ‘what kind of porn do women watch?’ are questions it would have been comforting to know the answers to while growing up. Because if you’re not having open discussions with other women, it’s easy to mistake a healthy appetite for porn and masturbation, for some kind perversion.

But thanks to the insights shared regularly by the world’s most popular porn site, Pornhub, everyone’s freak flags are on display. And women watch porn too! Recognise it. Accept it. Embrace it. In 2017, 26% of PornHub’s worldwide viewers were women. In Australia we were 28%.

And you wanna know what women are watching? According to the data breakdowns, we are watching a whole lot of lesbian porn.

Pornhub’s 2015 ‘What Women Want’ report revealed that ‘lesbian’ was the term most searched by women globally, and that continues to be the #1 most popular category with female users.

So any women out there who have ever felt confused about preferring to watch lesbian porn to heterosexual porn, rest assured that it’s very normal.

Of course for some people it might be an indication of a genuine sexual orientation, and something worth exploring in real life, but based on these numbers it’s clear that the popularity of lesbian porn transcends the queer audience.

It would be far too easy to argue that the women of the world are all secretly harbouring lesbian tendencies, waiting for the right time to rise up in revolution, overthrowing heterosexuality and rendering the male gender obsolete for good. Though it’s not a terrible idea. (Kidding!)

Really, a lot of the women watching lesbian porn have minimal desire for lesbian sexual interaction outside of the context of their erotic fantasies (just as incest, rape and kidnapping fantasies do not all translate to a real life desire). There are certain appeals of lesbian porn that make it preferable to currently available mainstream hetero-porn, so plenty of women who identify as heterosexual seek it out.

Let’s take a look at why that might be.

#1. Mainstream porn is made for a male viewer.

In most porn videos, the sex is choreographed so that the man’s pleasure is centre stage hogging the spotlight, while stimulation of female arousal gets very little airtime. Meanwhile, in lesbian porn, it’s all girls all the time. With female pleasure as the main event, women’s desires are incidentally catered to over those of the male audience.

What is it that women could possibly want to see? Hmm…

Basically if you want to see women getting head and clitoral stimulation, most mainstream heterosexual porn is just not delivering the goods. Women opt for lesbian porn without many other options catering to their wants.

(Sidenote: try searching ‘massage’. You’re welcome.)

#2. The male presence in porn can be pretty f**king scary.

Women are often put off by the domineering male actor and end up feeling perturbed by the idea that the female actor is potentially in an intimidating environment. The concern can really kill arousal. It tends to feel like a much less threatening situation if it’s only females on screen, although this does not actually guarantee a non-threatening environment on set.

Outside of concern for the actors’ safety, a lot of women are turned off by the visual of an overbearing man dominating the woman in sex, or the age disparity between actors.

Lesbian porn is popular because it is more accessible than the comparatively male-dominated sexism of mainstream heterosexual porn. But it’s important to recognise that unfortunately, most lesbian porn is still saturated by the male gaze and caters to male fantasies. That means that what we see is the inauthentic fetishisation of lesbian sex. We see sex that has been styled, performed and packaged to fulfil the desires of the male audience.

It’s homosexual women who are probably most aware of how inauthentic most mainstream lesbian porn is. This video of actual lesbians reacting to lesbian porn made for men pretty much says it all.

The problem is, there is insufficient porn and erotica that caters to women’s needs because women’s pleasure is still stigmatised. Men are not the only sexual beings and they are not the only audience to consider.

That’s why feminist porn is on the rise, to address the need for change and give a more balanced depiction of sex.

That’s also why in December last year, Pornhub launched a new ‘Popular With Women’ category, which aggregates content catered to women’s specific interests based on our views and preferences. It replaced the ‘Female Friendly’ category, which housed content marketed towards women as opposed to content women have actually enjoyed.

This is the kind of cultural change we need to see, along with a more open and supportive discussion about women’s pleasure.

Though to be clear, breaking down the stigma around female masturbation and erotic fantasy DOES NOT mean asking probing questions or pushing someone to be open about their desires if they’re clearly not comfortable talking about it with you.

You shouldn’t feel like you can’t talk about it, but you also shouldn’t feel like you have to. No one is entitled to know your personal sexual practices and we should respect each other’s boundaries.

Breaking down the stigma is about dispelling the sense of embarrassment and associated perversion that is attached to women’s solo sexual experience. Female masturbation should be part of the greater conversation on sex and progress relies on society embracing women’s right to experience themselves sexually.

Anyway, thanks for staying with me until the end, now go f**k yourselves. 😉

Six Types Of Orgasms You’ll Probably Fake, Because Unfortunately That's Just The Way The Cookie Crumbles Ladies

There's no shame in an innocent fakie here and there.

In a perfect world, there would be no fake orgasms. There would be no giant gap between the frequency that heterosexual men and women experience orgasms during sexual encounters, and those encounters would be free from pressure to fake it.

But we don’t live in a perfect world, so yep, we chuck a fakie sometimes. In fact, about 80% of women admit they’ve faked an orgasm. And while I love and appreciate feminism’s push to empower women not to fake it, I don’t think anyone should feel guilty for doing it. It’s a very vulnerable, very naked, situation and we’re all just doing the best we can.

Full disclosure, when I say ‘we’, I’m primarily talking about us ladies who are getting freaky with dudes, as we are the most likely to fake orgasms.

So what we have is a catalogue of different types of fake orgasms we pull out for different occasions, each with its own unique purpose and performance. To name a few:

#1. The I-Didn’t-Finish-But-I’m-Finished

While I do appreciate the intention behind the ‘sex isn’t over until she’s finished’ mantra, sometimes it just ain’t gonna happen. That’s not to say we’re all having a bad time if we don’t come, but women’s pleasure is a nuanced thing to navigate and having an orgasm with a partner can be a real feat.

So when you’re not feeling up to the emotional labour of that conversation, and there seems to be no end to the humping in sight, you just do what many a tired woman has done before you: give them the grand finale they’re waiting for. Boom. You can go to sleep now.

#2. The Participation Trophy

Honestly, the bar is set so low for hetero dudes that paying even the least bit of attention to our pleasure in bed can earn them a good old gratitude orgasm.

Like, let’s say, hypothetically, biology does its thing and causes a certain male sexual organ to lose steam. So with softy out of the equation, old mate decides to give head instead of sex being over all together. And even though the head is not doing it for you, you’re so appreciative that your own sexual pleasure is being considered that you give him your orgasm as a reward for just having a crack.

This is how deep the notion runs that female pleasure is not important! It’s got me giving out orgasms like they’re lolly bags you get from a fifth grade birthday party just for showing up.

Hypothetically.

#3. The Act Of Kindness

Female orgasms are so powerful. Not just to experience (eyyyyyy), but in their capacity to ‘prove’ that we enjoyed ourselves, and to make our partners feel good about themselves.

So you know what, you can’t blame us for occasionally giving out a cheeky fakie because we just really like someone. Especially a new partner. When you’re trying to self-engineer your own romcom it’s hard to resist sacrificing a bit of authenticity to make things seem magical.

I mean yes, sure, women are conditioned to put men’s feelings above their own and this is very literally that. It’s messed up. But did you see his face when he thought he made me come!!! He was so excited!!! Eeeeeeek! I’m weak.

#4. The Stage Mom

 Any variation of “I want you to come for me”, “come for me, come for me, come for me”, or even a softer, “come for me, please”, can make you feel a bit like you’ve just been thrust out on stage and demanded to perform. And we all know women’s pleasure thrives under pressure!!!

Hot tip: If you want a woman to orgasm you cannot simply ask her to have it. Put your money where your mouth is. Or your mouth where your mouth is. You know what I mean.

#5. The Academy Award

 You know how it takes the first time getting really drunk to realise all those other times you thought you were drunk you were really just tipsy? And so essentially, you were faking it.

Well that’s the same for orgasms for a lot of women. Sometimes the journey to understanding the peaks of your body’s sexual pleasure is fraught with unintentional fakies. You might not even realise you’re not having an orgasm until you have the benefit of hindsight. Onwards and upwards ladies.

#6. The Ambiguous Non-Lie Lie

Ah sweet, sweet ambiguity. This is the fake orgasm that’s totally not a fake orgasm because I’m against fake orgasms! When you make enough vague pleasure signals that your partner may deduce that it could have been the elusive orgasm, but you’re not technically faking it in the traditional sense of the performance.

This sidestep into ambiguity is perfect for avoiding the intimidating ‘I’m not going to orgasm and that’s OK’ conversation, and the (unwarranted) fake orgasm guilt. Five stars.

Can’t wait until these all become obsolete but until then, don’t stress.

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