If you’re taking this quiz, we will assume it’s because you’re self-identifying as ‘thirsty’. But just how thirsty are you? Let’s investigate.
To determine your sex drive on the spectrum from ‘would go a sip’ to ‘extreme dehydration’, tally up your A’s, B’s, and C’s as you go and whatever letter dominates will reveal your inner truth.
After you complete all ten multiple choice questions you’ll probably want some ~alone time~ to ~reflect~ on your ~results~ if you know what I ~mean~.
Enjoy.
#1. First Base: What’s Your Ideal Kiss?
A) Never Been Kissed: fanfare and an audience on the baseball field.
B) To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before: the hot tub scene.
C) Don Jon: goodnight kiss featuring jizz in your pants.
#2. Second Base: Which Scene Do You Vibe The Most?
A) The Ugly Truth: wearing vibrating underwear gifted from your coworker in public is one way to spice up dinner.
B) Moonlight: intimate, mutual handjobs on the beach.
C) 40 Days 40 Nights: the orgasmic power of white Orchids.
#3. Third Base: Which Scene Do Like The Most?
A) Love Actually: Jack and Judy chat over some faux-felatio.
B) Train Wreck: strictly instructed oral.
C) Black Swan: the dream sequence.
#4. Spending The Night Can Be Sexually Charged. How Would You Want To Spend It?
A) Crazy Stupid Love: Ryan Gosling is shirtless, but you fall asleep.
B) Notting Hill: why sleep on the couch when there’s room in bed?
C) Troy: knife to the throat quickly pivots to sex with Achilles, because Achilles is Brad Pitt.
#5. Forbidden Love: Which Scene Do You Find The Hottest?
A) Brokeback Mountain: the no-foreplay-straight-to-it tent scene.
B) Titanic: “Put your hands on me, Jack.”
C) Dirty Dancing: Baby and Johnny slow dance their way into making ~love~.
#6. Which Sexual Agreement Gets You Going The Most?
A) Friends With Benefits: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, as the title suggests.
B) No Strings Attached: Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman do it better.
C) 50 Shades of Grey: no judgment, but this is basically porn.
#7. Which Non-Human Sexual Encounter Do You Find The Most Alluring?
A) Avatar: intertwining the tendrils.
B) Twilight: Bella and Edward’s honeymoon.
C) The Shape Of Water: fish sex.
#8. First Time: Which First ~Love~ Scene Appeals To You The Most?
A) The Notebook: “It wasn’t over. It STILL isn’t over.”
B) Cruel Intentions: Sebastian and Annette get sensual and sweaty.
C) Blue Is The Warmest Color: 10 minute sex scene. Enough said.
#9. DIY: Which Depiction Of ~Self Love~ Resonates With You The Most?
A) Pleasantville: Betty’s bath time turns her world into colour.
B) American Pie: third base with the pie.
C) Call Me By Your Name: the peach scene.
#10. Foreplay Is Key: Which Scene Gets You In The Mood?
A) Coyote Ugly: Violet stripping to make Kevin understand what stage fright feels like was a sexual awakening.
B) Ghost: who knew pottery could be so hot?
C) Pretty Woman: specifically, the scene when they finally kiss on the mouth. Ooft.
RESULTS
Mostly A’s Thirst Level: All Round Pretty Well Hydrated But Would Take A Sip
You’re not yearning for it or anything but you’re also not about to turn down an opportunity to root. Trying role play, dirty talk, or any new positions probably isn’t at the top of your ‘to do’ list right now but you could possibly be swayed by the right suitor.
Enjoy your hydration level and take advantage of the ability to concentrate your energy elsewhere that you might otherwise not have when you’re a messier, hornier version of yourself. Bon chance!
Mostly B’s Thirst Level: Definitely In Need Of A Tall Glass Of Water
OK mate, let’s cut to the chase, you want to f**k. No shame in it! We wish you well on your sexual ventures.
We pray your drive is satisfied one way or another, so that you may continue to be a functioning human in society and not reduced to a dirty-minded mess. Remember who you are.
Mostly C’s Thirst Level: WARNING EXTREME HYDRATION
You need a drink ASAP!!! If you don’t have someone to hydrate you, hydrate yourself!!!
But seriously how are you getting anything done with your mind so deep in the gutter? You deserve a medal, you horny mess.
