Bleats

If You're Wearing AirPods During Sex It's Time To Dump Your Partner

I know a sign when I see one.

Sex is an important part of a relationship. You don’t have to have sex to have a successful relationship, but it helps. It’s basically a barometer for how much genuine chemistry you and your partner have.

 If you’re sex life consists of banging it out for two minutes while barely looking at each other then it’s probably time to revaluate your feelings. 

Similarly, if you’re wearing AirPods during sexy time then that’s a definitely red flag. Yes, there are people in the world who actually do this. 

lol k. Source: Giphy.

Keeping your headphones packed away during sex seems like a logical decision, but for 17 per cent of AirPod owners this is not the case. 

A recent survey conducted by TickPick (with 1,000 people), revealed people keep their headphones in during sex because it allows them to listen to music which fits their own personal taste. 

While that kind of thinking is great for a bus ride, it most definitely does not belong in the bedroom. If you’re wearing AirPods during sex it’s time to dump your partner because it means you’re not interested enough in them to care. 

The second those AirPods go into your ears you’re making an active decision to block out your partner, even if you don’t see it that way. 

I get you might not want your significant other or one night stand to know you’re a Nickelback fan, but sex is a shared experience so you need to treat it as one. If you want to listen to music during sex then you should use speakers so you and your bae can enjoy the tunes together. 

Set the mood and go for gold. 

*eggplant emoji*. Source: Giphy

If you want to have an exceptionally good time, listen to some country music. According to the TickPick survey, people who love country music say they’re having the most satisfying sex. 

I have a theory that that’s because country music is inherently disappointing which means sex feels a lot better in comparison. 

Unless it’s Shania. Shania is queen. Source: Giphy.

In summary: 

Dont: AirPod and boink. 

Do: Country music and ride. 

New Porn Laws Are A Massive Middle Finger To Sexual Privacy

Time to sign our souls away.

Porn has existed for literally thousands of years. The ancient Romans have been painting nudey ruddeys on walls long before the human anatomy was even understood.

It’s a totally normal part of every day life and, honestly, a pretty great one too. Sure, there’s some seriously questionable things out there, but for all intents and purposes, porn does the job.

No point beating around the bush, if ya know what I mean.

Wink, wink.

The decision to watch porn is between you, your laptop and your right/left hand.

So why, pray tell, do our governments feel the need to stick their snotty noses into our business with porn regulation laws?

The UK has announced a porn block which is designed to stop people under the age of 18 from accessing pornographic content online.

The block, which launches on 15 July 2019,  will force commercial porn sites to check the age of visitors.

But it’s not as simple as ticking a box to verify you are you 18+ years old. Porn-viewers will be asked to provide legitimate documentation like passports, driver’s licenses and credit cards to prove their age. Porn passes will also be sold in shops for £4.99 ($6.50).

There’s also a requirement that you sign your soul away.

Okay, not really, but it definitely feels that way. The UK government isn’t just asking for age verification, they’re asking for your entire identity. They’ll know your name, age, address, and citizenship status.

It’s a total violation of people’s personal and sexual privacy.

People’s sexual preferences and habits are their own personal decision and should not be monitored.

The worst part is, the UK government isn’t giving people a choice. If you want to watch porn you need to prove your age. Otherwise, no pleasure for you.

That’s gotta hurt.

I’m not saying it should be okay for an 8-year-old to watch porn online. I understand that the porn block is designed to protect young people from being exposed to inappropriate material.

But you can’t protect everyone from everything. At the end of the day it’s up to the parents of that child to monitor their online habits and educate them on important issues like sex and sexuality.

Our early adolescent years are when we are most malleable. It’s when our sexual identity is formed and stifling that even a little bit is not constructive. Teenagers should be encouraged to embrace their sexual freedom.

What they said.

Still, the porn block is happening. You have approximately three months to bang out your anger then sign up to a good VPN. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

This Kmart Mum's 'Hack' Is Exactly Why Parents Need To Talk Openly With Their Kids About Sex

She just couldn't quite work out why her teen son went through so many tissues...

I’m 23 and the only conversation I’ve had with my parents about sex is the one when they told me not to do it. I was 11 years old, maybe 12. I’d already gone through all the fun parts of puberty (except the boobs – those never came through).

I was an awkward 12-year-old with caterpillars for eyebrows and thought pulling tight t-shirts all the way down to my hips would hide my baby fat. It didn’t.

I wasn’t insecure in my body, that would come later. But I WAS aware of it, and I had no idea what to do with that awareness.

Every person remembers the time in their life when things… changed and they wondered what the hell was going on.

But what do you do with that change when the people closest to you don’t acknowledge it?

My family is religious and conservative; two things which together mean talking about sex is especially uncomfortable. Because of this, it’s never really been a conversation, but rather an unspoken expectation.

No acting on your urges, especially if you’re a girl. Ever.

My pubescent and adult life has been built on this expectation and, honestly? That’s okay. I’ve learnt to live with it.

But I often wonder how I would be different if that curious part of me was fostered more as a child. If “you can’t do that” was “it’s okay to do that”. What if I was taught that my body’s urges were natural and beautiful? What if I was taught that no parent, person or god would judge me for it?

The reality is that overly conservative families breed paranoid children who look over their shoulders as they do the things they shouldn’t. The only way to offset that paranoia is by having open conversations.

The scary part is that I’m not sure even the parents of today know how to have those conversations.

A generalisation? Maybe, but the proof is in the pudding. Or in this case it’s in our social media feeds.

An Aussie mum recently posted in a Facebook group for Kmart fans explaining that she’d used Kmart products to make a “relaxation station” for her teenage son, complete with tissues for his runny nose and cream for his dry hands.

“He likes to watch internet TV in bed and he has a chronic runny nose (tissue for days — I think it’s the aircon!), and he had problems with dry skin and goes through heaps of hand cream,” she explained in the group.

People were quick to point out it sounded less like a relaxation station and more like a “masturbation station”. TV, tissues, hand cream – we get it.

Some people in the group called BS, saying they thought the post was a prank. Others had a laugh; how could this mum be so oblivious?!

Whether it’s fake or real there’s one thing this mum’s efforts highlight: parents still know nothing about their children’s sex lives. That or they feign ignorance.

But ignorance is not constructive.

I know talking about sex with your teenager isn’t exactly a comfortable experience. You don’t want to think about your little boy or girl growing up and being in those kinds of, ah, positions. Trust me, mums and dads, we hate talking about it as much as you do. But if everything was about what we liked instead of what we needed, the world would be a very different place.

We need parents who are more willing.

We need parents who are more open minded.

We need parents who are more gentle.

Knowing you have a support network that will allow you to open up without judgement is one of the most comforting things, especially when you’re 12 and unsure and have bushy eyebrows.

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