For all the emphasis filmmakers like to place on “accuracy” and “gritty realism” when talking about their films and projects, the one thing that Hollywood seems to get incorrectly a lot of the time are sex scenes.
It’s quite surprising when you think about it as sex is one of those things that’s literally existed since mankind was first a thing and yet due to censorship or various other reasons, it continues to not be accurately portrayed in films and TV a lot of the time.
It really isn’t.
That’s not to say all sex scenes in films and TV look like they were written by a teenager who’s never seen anyone else naked before or the author behind Fifty Shades Of Grey. In fact, there are some sex scenes that are actually done in a realistic yet tasteful manner that doesn’t blow apart any censors.
But there are those times where a sex scene is unfolding and all you can think of is “oh come on, that’s not realistic at all” and you get taken out of whatever horny moment the movie or show was trying to put you in. So without further ado, here are some of the things that movies and TV shows continuously get wrong whenever two (or more) people get freaky.
Shower sex is just not that sexy at all
I’ve expressed my qualms about shower sex before but the gist is that the whole idea may look good on paper, it is actually rather impractical and dangerous in practice.
Whereas the movies make it seem all hot and sensual, it honestly is just a fustercluck of cold tiles, slippery surfaces, and a waste of water. You and your partner are honestly better off actually just showering together rather than trying to do anything sexy because it just ain’t.
This is a lie.
Who keeps their clothes on during sex?
Sex is a physical activity and it can be a sweaty workout if you really go at it properly. And yet Hollywood insists on trying to sell us the notion that people like to get it on while still partially or fully clothed.
Clothes are just going to make everything hotter and sweatier than it already is, and not in a good way either. Who wants to worry about your waistband riding up too high or a shirt getting in the way when you’re trying to get freaky?
There’s also the high possibility of, uh, accidentally staining your clothes once the sex is over because all those bodily fluids have to go somewhere and your jeans or T-shirt happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
You won’t be wearing those clothes again after that.
The alignment and placements are wrong a lot of the time
Unless you’re filming pornography, then actual sex obviously doesn’t happen during the making of a film. That being said, you still have to sell the performance and the first thing to get right is by having the people aligned and placed correctly so it at least looks like they’re boning.
Sadly, there have been several examples over the years in which a pair of actors have been so poorly aligned that the only thing that’s going to get any humping is someone’s poor belly button *cough* Tommy Wiseau in The Room *cough*.
I get that the whole clothes thing is for censorship reasons and whatnot but it doesn’t make it any less distracting or unrealistic.
No one huddles underneath a blanket during and/or after sex
Much like the clothes thing, almost no one uses a blanket during sex because it’s just way too hot and it gets in the way. Unless you’re getting down and dirty outside during winter or something, there’s just no reason for it.
The same goes for after you finish. Sure you’re no longer humping and pumping, but you’re essentially in your post work-out stage now and the last thing you want is to wrap a blanket or sheet around you and you partner’s sweaty bodies.
If you want warmth, go cuddle your partner, which you should do anyway because that’s the nice thing to do.
What happens to the mess afterwards?
Your first instinct would be to clean yourselves up, right? Well apparently Hollywood thinks you should just lie there while bodily fluids slowly pool up all around you.
It seems like with most sex scenes that the person on top finishes, rolls over, talks with their partner, and then gets up to leave. Where’s the acknowledgment of the mess? Did they use a condom or didn’t they? Shouldn’t there be offer of towels or something for the mess?
Ugh. Good luck with the urinary tract infection and soiled bed sheets.
