Back in 2016, the Wall Street Journal announced that fabric softener had been added to the list of things being killed by millennials.
According to the WSJ, major manufacturer Procter and Gamble were gearing up for a big marketing push to get younger buyers back on board, rebranding the product as “fabric conditioner”, to make people think of putting conditioner on your hair after you strip it with shampoo.
Why do they have to trick you like this?
Because literally nobody needs fabric softener.
Yes, soft and fluffy towels are nice. But coating them in overpriced bottles of nice-smelling fats, silicones and/or polymers is ridiculous, and you need to stop doing it.
For one thing, it makes towels less good at the one job towels are supposed to do: dry you off by absorbing the water off your body. Softener mainly works by coats towels in stuff that doesn’t absorb water.
Meaning it’s about as useful as a laminated Post-it.
It can also wreck your precious Lululemon: the moisture-wicking properties of your exxy activewear’s fancy fabrics are actively reduced by being coated in conditioner.
And it also reduces the effectiveness of flame-resisting treatments applied to clothes like your fave PJs and baby onesies. (Many manufacturers will even tell you not to use them on kids’ pyjamas for this reason.)
And here’s the best bit: it even messes with your washing machine itself. The oily compounds in the product build up in the washer’s insides, creating a waxy gunk known as scrud.
SCRUD.
Do YOU need scrud in your life?
No, I don’t want no scrud.
If you really, really need soft towels (Team Crunchy Towel 5eva but you do you) then you have a few options to get the fibres fluffed up instead of flat and hard, which is what makes the difference.
If you’re tumble drying your towels, you don’t need softener. Full stop. They’ll get fluffy in the drying process, and if that’s still not fluffy enough for your precious limbs, you need to have a conversation with a dermatologist, princess.
Turn down your spin speed if you can – super-hectic spins flattens the fibres, so it’s like a Rotor ride for your linens.
If you’re line drying, hold towels by the edges in the middle lengthways, and give them a big snap before you peg them up – it makes the fibres stand up more, and also is a great way to take out aggression.
And a bit of white vinegar in the softener dispenser will do the same job without the coating, and I promise it won’t make your linens smell like a chip shop. If you like the scent, a drop or two of a nice essential oil added to the vinegar is all you need.
However many towels you own, they will be suitably fluffy and effective – and you’ll satisfy that little corner of your brain that secretly wants to be one of those Instagram influencers who apparently uses vinegar and coconut oil for everything.
And there! You are now freed from one of capitalism’s most enduring scams. Welcome to the resistance.
