Bleats

The New Royal Baby's Name Has Sent Riverdale Fans Into A Conspiracy Tailspin

They may be onto something with a few of these weird memes...

We have a name for the new royal baby, folks.

From henceforth, the little bub shall be known as… Archie.

To be more specific, his full name is Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, which feels like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided to have a competition to make the most unregal name ever concocted in British Royal Family history.

Naming aside, the one thing everyone can agree on is that the new baby is simply adorable.

While the world rejoices over Archie entering this green(ish) world, the reveal of the baby’s name has sent Riverdale fans into a meme-filled tailspin because, you know, the bub’s name is the same the show’s main character and that MUST mean something.

To be honest, a lot of the resulting conspiracies and jokes are pretty dumb (not unlike the show actually) but holy hell are they hilariously fun.

Things started with some simple “oh hey, it’s Archie” jokes, including a very meta tweet from the official Archie Comics Twitter account.

Things quickly escalated as the baby’s name quickly prompted speculation that Harry and Meghan are secret Riverdale fans and named their son purely out of their love for the show.

Others took issue with the choice of name as some think Jughead is clearly the better option (and character) and Archie is the absolute worst thing on Riverdale.

With the line between reality and fiction being blurred, some began to jokingly speculate over how Archie’s birth will inspire future seasons of Riverdale, which won’t be the craziest thing to happen on the show.

Others have already started looking forward to more royal babies in the future because it means more Riverdale naming opportunities. My sympathies to Archie’s hypothetical future siblings.

But out of all the jokes and conspiracies, our absolute favourite is this fantastic gem about how Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor will turn out when he grows up.

Hmmm, Prince Harry has red hair and freckles while Meghan also has freckles. You know what, little Archie growing up with red hair and freckles, and dating a girl named Betty or Veronica isn’t actually as farfetched as one might think.

Having said that, I shudder if that last thing happens because the internet will almost certainly collapse upon itself due to the sheer weight of the metaness that’s going on.

We Don't Need Your Conspiracy Theories About Notre-Dame, Thanks

What is it about conspiracies that make people disregard common sense?

Nearly 900 years of history and culture went up in flames on April 15 when the iconic Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris caught fire, and needless to say that the subsequent 24 or so hours afterwards have been a bit emotional.

There has been an outpouring of support as many people have pledged to give what ever aid they can (some in the form of writing a check for many millions) in helping to restore Notre-Dame, including billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault (aka Salma Hayek’s husband) and France’s richest man, Bernard Arnault.

But in the midst of all the love that’s being shown for Paris, there’s also been deluge of conspiracy theories claiming that the Notre-Dame fire is a hoax.

Yeah.

While no official cause for the fire has been named yet, it is reported that investigators are treating it as an accident, However, this hasn’t stopped hoaxes, conspiracies, actual fake news, and disinformation campaigns from quickly spreading across the internet.

Now we don’t condone that sort of stuff here at GOAT but for the purposes of keeping everyone informed on what to keep an eye out for regarding all the hoaxes going around, here are just some of the most ridiculous theories and fake news articles going around regarding the fire:

  • InfoWars (ugh) claiming the fire was deliberately started
  • Far-righters stoking anger by claiming all the people who responded to videos of the fire with “smiley faces” are Arabic
  • A fake CNN account claiming the fire was an act of terrorism
  • People trying to link an unrelated 2016 event to the fire
  • People sharing a fake video around of someone shouting “allahu akbar” while Notre-Dame was burning

It’s honestly quite ridiculous that something like this is even happening and it brings up a very important question that we must ask: what is it about conspiracies that make people disregard common sense?

A little is an understatement.

Plenty of studies have gone into just how people get hooked on hoaxes and the lovely folk over at The Conversation have put it all together in a nice little article (which you can read right here).

To sum it all up very quickly, people are suckered into believing conspiracy theories due to:

  • People being annoyingly stubborn in their beliefs and their caveman instinct of imposing structure to things they don’t quite understand (hence the obsession with patterns)
  • Peer pressure because people wanna look cool and stuff to their friends
  • Getting facts and myths mixed up, especially when reading things that attempt to debunk myths

No, there isn’t. There just isn’t.

There’s a worrying trend of ridiculous hoaxes coming up whenever a major world event happens and it is something that needs to be nipped in the bud right now. Notre-Dame going up in flames was just an awful sight and what we need right now is sympathy and empathy, not disinformation and fake news.

So to all those pushing idiotic conspiracies and hoaxes about the fire, keep it to yourselves and go back into your basement. Those are not welcome here or anywhere, thanks.

A Serious Investigation Into Whether Queen Elizabeth II Has A Finsta

It wouldn't surprise us if she didn't, but it also wouldn't surprise us if she did.

Queen Elizabeth II had a tour of a new ‘Top Secret’ exhibition at London’s Science Museum recently and she marked the occasion by sharing her first ever Instagram post.

Sharing an image of an 1843 letter written to her great-great-grandfather Prince Albert from a chap named Charles Babbage, the Queen wrote about the letter’s history before expressing her “pleasure of learning about children’s computer coding initiatives.”

The 92-year-old Queen sharing a post about coding on Instagram. Now that’s a sentence I did not expect to write.

It’s great that the Queen has finally decided to take the plunge into the depths of Instagram but this has got the GOAT team very curious about something: Has Queen Elizabeth II had a finsta account this whole time?

Sure the Queen may have sent her first “official” Royal Family Instagram post recently, but who’s to say that she hasn’t been on the platform longer than all of us?

And since the topic of Queen Elizabeth’s finsta is one the demands answers, it’s time for one of our serious investigations into the matter.

On the surface, it seems like the Queen has none of those social medias that the kids are using these days. Hell, she signed off her first Insta post with “Elizabeth R” instead of “Queen Lizzy xoxo”. No Insta pro would make such a rookie mistake.

But perhaps that’s what she wants you to think. Perhaps she’s secretly an expert at all this tech stuff and is merely hiding it under the guise of being an elderly person (which she actually is, I suppose.) Here are some bits of evidence we’ve strung together with bits of cotton on a corkboard strongly suggesting that the Queen has a finsta.

She’s historically been pretty tech savvy

While the Queen is (seemingly) late to the whole Instagram and Twitter thing, she’s embraced technology throughout her reign. From when she held the first televised coronation in the Royal Family’s history back in 1953, the Queen has had a bunch of other tech-embracing moments such as:

She is reportedly up-to-date with all the latest gadgets

Unlike most elderly people who have little to no interest in smartphones and tablets, the Queen is up-to-date on the latest gadgets and apparently even has her own personal iPad, laptop, and smartphone, the latter of which is kept fully charged at all times by her personal assistant.

Gotta keep that battery full for some cheeky Instagram lurking.

She reportedly has a uber-secret Facebook profile

While the Queen uses her smartphone for old-fashioned calls and texts (both of which she reportedly loves to do, particularly to Princess Anne), apparently she also has a secret Facebook account though no one is quite sure if it’s under an alias or who she is friends with on the platform.

A Facebook search for Queen Elizabeth II yields nothing but a bunch of fan pages so no luck on that front. Here’s hoping that the Queen isn’t one of those elderly Facebook users spreading fake news around.

Sadly, the Queen isn’t on Twitter so we’ll have to make do with hilarious parody accounts for now.

Verdict

Let’s gather the facts we know so far:

  • She has her own personal devices
  • She has her own private Facebook account
  • She is interested in technology and almost certainly knows what social media is

While we can’t definitively confirm that the Queen has a finsta, the facts suggest that the possibility of her trawling around Instagram on a fake account is surprisingly high, at least in the 65-75% range.

Seeing as how the Queen has been super private about nearly everything in her life throughout the 92 years she’s been on this green(ish) earth, it is unlikely she’ll spill the secret now. Plus the Queen is human like the rest of us so she has to keep herself amused as well.

So next time you get a weird comment on one of your Insta posts, there’s a slim chance that Queen Elizabeth II is trolling you.

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