Bleats

Here’s What $300 Rent Will Get You Around The Country, If You Want To Bail On Your State

Swap your crib for something new.

Whether it’s after a state election, a rent rise, or a bad breakup, we’ve all declared that we need to pack up and move somewhere else.

Now, we’re not saying that NSW residents in particular are, for any of those reasons, especially likely to be idly procrastinating at work or entertaining themselves on a midnight Uber ride home from a closed club by browsing rental or flatmate listings… but here’s a special shout out to those people anyway.

Here’s what that $300 a week you’re laying down could get you in another city.

Melbourne

Americans declare they’re moving to Canada; frustrated northern and eastern staters threaten to move to Melbourne.

Perhaps they’d like to ditch the housemate thing for this sweet ground-floor studio in Prahran? And also practice saying “Prahran”?

Alternatively, you could throw three green notes a week down on a room in this SWISH five-bedroom place in Brunswick West. It looks so big you’d never even see the other four people.

Brisbane

What about this “super cute” flat in New Farm for just $285? Adorable vibe, hardwood floors, right in the city, near the water, and surrounded by places to get coffee and croissants!

Plus this real estate agent sounds like she has her priorities right: she tells you where to get coffee 24/7.

Adelaide

Adelaide’s not a big city, but staying right in the thick of it in this basic (read: you can put your own stamp on the decor!) new flat sounds just the ticket.

Or for a whole house to yourself, there’s this $295 “maisonette” full of, uh, quirky decor choice and natural light, with a great little backyard.

Perth

If you’re into leather beanbags, vintage sconces, and not having to ship your furniture to the world’s most remote city, you’ll love this $280 furnished one-bedroom in North Perth!

In schmancy Peppermint Grove, there’s this $300 one-bedder with a walk-in wardrobe. Not much character, but when you’re five minutes from Cottesloe, who needs it?

Sydney

You will not get a livable studio or one bedroom to yourself in metropolitan Sydney for three hunge, so don’t even try.

But if you must stay in the inner city, you could share this gorgeous Art Deco apartment in Darlinghurst, which sounds nice (although the $300 bedroom’s not shown, meaning it’s probably a closet).

Newcastle

Sydney who? Stay close to the big city but away from the lockout laws in beautiful Newy.

For just $240, live with this chill-sounding couple in their mega-adorable, tastefully decorated Cooks Hill house, just a roll down The Hill to the beach! Spend the rest on coffee and artisanal bread and flights home because your mother keeps guilting you for moving so far away!

Hobart

Hobart prices are actually pretty cooked, thanks to all the mainland money pouring into Airbnbs. But you can’t argue with the mountain views from this pretty retro flat in South Hobart, or the shiny black tiles in that new kitchen.

These Two Jerk Cats Live In Their Own Studio Apartment And You Still Have To Live In A Mouldy Sharehouse

Do they also have cashmere scratching posts and gold litter boxes?

There are three types of people: dog people, cat people, and people who don’t care because they’re too mad about housing affordability.

Two-thirds of you are going to be really irritated by this story.

Meet Tina and Louise: two adult cats who live in a studio apartment. By themselves.

Yes, while you’re sharing a mildew-prone terrace with three other idiots whose parents never showed them how to clean food scraps out of the kitchen sink and pressing your nose against the windows of boujee cafés where smug homeowners are doing lines of smashed avocado, these two flush felines are living in the lap of luxury.

Artist’s impression.

They can’t live with their human, Victoria Amith, in her student housing, and they apparently don’t get on with her dad’s partner’s dogs.

So they share a US$375-a-week Silicon Valley studio owned by his friend. Amith’s dad swings by every day to feed Tina and Louise, and Amith herself visits where she can. When she gets her own place in a few months, they’ll come live with her.

Presumably it’s cheaper than a kennel or pet hotel, but it feels absurd both because of the homelessness problem in the area and the fact that it’s cats with their own apartment. 

Not even Taylor Swift’s cats have their own apartment. (Paris Hilton’s dogs have an air-conditioned mansion, but that’s not exactly taking a human-sized rental out of the market.)

“Basically I’ve got two renters that don’t have opposable thumbs,” the apartment’s owner told one outlet.

“It’s actually great. They’re very quiet, obviously. The only problem is they stink up the place.”

There you are, investor-landlords of Australia: if you rent to spoiled kitties instead of actual humans, you’ll never receive a noise complaint or be asked to actually fix a tap.

https://www.twitter.com/ByRosenberg/status/1084555708962488320

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