I’ve been in a relationship for over two years. My boyfriend and I have had our moments – who hasn’t? – but we’re going solid. Actually, we’re more than solid, we’re great.
It’s a good thing. At least, I think it’s a good thing. But some people in my life seem half disgusted and half shocked to find out just how great we are. Conversations go something along the lines of:
“You know you can date around, you’re still young.”
And, “Have you guys ever broken up? Not once? Not even for ONE NIGHT?”.
It’s something that surprises me every time it happens.
Why is my commitment to my relationship so hard to fathom? And why are people so quick to assume a long-term couple has secretly broken up before?
I don’t have a definitive answer to either of these questions but I do have my own theories.
Firstly, it’s about my age. People think I’m too young to know what love is, too young to settle down, too young to know what I want and don’t want – you name it, it’s been said to me.
The thing with being young and naive is that you don’t think you’re young or know you’re naive. I’m sure there are things I don’t see about myself and my relationship that others do – that’s normal. But I hate the assumption that my age means I can’t be genuinely happy in a monogamous relationship.
Whether I’m 23 or 53 I am who I am. And that’s a person who prefers a single, committed partner to casual dating. Honestly, dating makes me anxious. I’m not doing it because I don’t like it. It has nothing to do with me being “young.”
Secondly, I think people are cynics. Successful relationships are few and far between these days, while cheating, heartbreak, and divorces are the norm.
At least, they’re the norm because they’re the stories we hear about the most. If a friend of a friend had a double life and three secret wives, you’re going to hear about it. But you’ll never hear a story about high school sweethearts who are still in love.
It’s the way gossip works. But I don’t live my life by gossip and assumptions – I live my life by my own goals. And my goal is to stay happy in my relationship for my whole relationship.
And the only way to achieve a goal is to work at it every day.
People like to remind me that honeymoon periods don’t last and that “you’ll get bored of each other one day”. I suppose this is technically true. Love changes over the years – you’ll never love someone the same after a decade as you did when you first met.
Love changes, yes. But it shouldn’t vanish.
Anyone over the age of 30 reading this is probably thinking “oh you naive little romantic” but that’s just the thing, I’m not. Life sucks, it’s full of pot holes and difficulties, and love struggles along the way. I get that. I’m ready for it. But I don’t accept it.
Because accepting it is accepting defeat before the fight’s even started.