Bleats

Anne Hathaway To Star In The Reboot Of Roald Dahl's The Witches, Fabulously Traumatise A New Generation Of Stinky Children

"Do I smell... children?"

As signalled by the moment she became the hilariously self-aware best part of Ocean’s 8, Anne Hathaway is entering the diva era of her career. She’s done playing ditzy romcom heroines and vulnerable urchins; she’s no longer a princess, but a queen.

And what better way to mark that than by taking on a role that is both regal and absolutely terrifying?

Back To The Future director Robert Zemeckis is remaking The Witches, the Roald Dahl movie previously adapted in 1990 with Anjelica Huston as the glamorous/terrifying Grand High Witch.

Quick hands up if you were scarred for life by the prospect of being turned into a mouse, the child trapped in the haunted painting, and/or this terrifying special effects makeup courtesy of Jim Henson himself?

This is the role Anne Hathaway will be taking on: the extremely evil, but somehow still undeniably fabulous, Grand High Witch.

According to a magazine interview quoted on Wikipedia, the original movie saw the late director Nicholas Roeg – who also directed David Bowie in The Man Who Fell To Earth – tell Huston that the Grand High Witch should have “sex appeal at all times” even when she was wearing her bald prosthetics and mechanised claws.

Zemeckis, who also brought you funny-disturbing classics like Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Death Becomes Her, will be writing the script, but also teaming up with Guillermo Del Toro and Alfonso Cuaròn as producers.

With those kinds of professional weirdos on board, Hathaway in full-on evil mode will be enormously fun to watch.

Also, calling it now: the witches’ SFX makeup will be less orc-hag, and more Bird Box creatures.

Wow, There's A New Ghostbusters Movie In The Works, So Looks Like The All-Lady Reboot Did Not In Fact Kill The Franchise

Think of all the childhoods this will un-ruin!

It’s official: another Ghostbusters movie is on the way next year.

Jason Reitman, who is the son of the original film’s director Ivan Reitman as well as a filmmaker in his own right (Juno, Up In The Air), was announced as the director of the project. It’s been kept a closely guarded secret at Sony for some time.

This is especially surprising considering that the Ghostbusters franchise was widely believed to have been brutally murdered in cold blood by political correctness in 2015.

Unlike the 2016 reboot, the new film will be a sequel set in the original universe of the first and second films.

Broflakes might be breathing easier thinking that their precious childhoods are going to be retrospectively un-ruined.

But there’s nothing – absolutely nothing – in these latest reports suggesting that it’s going to be all dudes pulling on the jumpsuits again. It could be the cast of Ocean’s 8 plus Bill Murray for all we know.

Actually, I’d see the s**t out of that. Rihanna, Awkwafina and lesbian Cate Blanchett can ruin my childhood any day.

Guillermo Del Toro’s List Of Scripts He’s Written But Never Got Made Might Make Your Brain Explode

Nah, that’s cool, we didn’t want a Justice League: Dark movie or a Hulk pilot written by the Oscar-winning auteur king of genre film.

Acclaimed horror-fantasy filmmaker Guillermo Del Toro – the mind behind Pan’s Labyrinth, The Shape Of Water,  Hellboy and loads more – snapped earlier this morning and tweeted out a list of cool-as-hell projects he’s written scripts for. Like, completed. And never got made.

Let’s break a couple of those down.

The Witches is likely a remake of the Roald Dahl story that made you terrified of Anjelica Houston as a kid.

Justice League Dark is the supernatural offshoot of DC’s evil-fightin’ crew, with characters like John Constantine and Swamp Thing.

Beauty And The Beast, I mean, come on. Instead we got this:

 

At The Mountains Of Madness is an H.P. Lovecraft story, and arguably nobody else could possibly do that eldritch s**t any justice. GDT reportedly had Tom Cruise and James Cameron on board at one point.

Fantastic Voyage – yes, the 60s one where scientists shrink down and explore the human body like it’s space or something. Isaac Asimov wrote the novelisation.

The Count Of Monte Cristo, but a version where he had a totally sweet steampunk mechanical hand.

A “very different” Pacific Rim 2, whatever that means, could have been a sight to see.

Drood is a novel based on a “fictionalised account” of Charles Dickens’ last years.

“SECRET PROJECT (UNTITLED)” will haunt my dreams.

Haunted Mansion: I mean, imagine what fun GDT could have had with the blank slate of a Disney theme park ride adaptation?

And a The Hulk pilot? Are you f**king kidding me?

He also mentions a Wind In The Willows script “which I loved”.

He added a few hours later that there’s still hope for a couple of these:

But that still leave a lot of couldabeens to be a little bit mad about forever.

So yeah, nice work, Hollywood. None of those projects sound like something that would have been amazing in the hands of the man who can turn a story about a mute, mousy woman banging a fish-dude into a Best Picture Oscar winner.

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