Bleats

Science Says Kim Kardashian Is Apparently Making You Hate Poor People

It turns out that horrible television is secretly recruiting you to the wrong side of the class war.

You know how reality TV is a harmless fun thing that’s just totally a good way to unwind and silly and DON’T JUDGE MY CHOICES ALRIGHT MR FANCY-PANT ABC NEWS 24 GUY?

Well, turns out that you’re possibly being unwittingly recruited into the global class war thanks to the subtle power of propaganda. And it’s all the Kardashian’s fault.

More specifically, according to the Telegraph “new research from the London School of Economics found that even 60 seconds of exposure to materialistic media is enough to significantly increase anti-welfare sentiment.”

In other words: watching rich people makes you more likely to hate poor people. Which is amazing given how eminently hateable most of television’s rich people are.

“If there is more emphasis on materialism as a way to be happy, this makes us more inclined to be selfish and anti-social, and therefore unsympathetic to people less fortunate,” the study concluded. “This study can contribute to explanations for why the UK public’s support for welfare to aid the impoverished and unemployed has been decreasing.”

Oh god. Does this mean we have to add this to the reasons for Trump and Brexit? Because this is going to make it even more difficult to explain to future generations.

Kyle Sandilands Is Getting A Judge Judy Style Show To Demonstrate All That Excellent Judgement For Which He's Well Known

After all, who better to arbitrate in finnicky legal matters than a man known for "intemperate on-air outbursts"?

Universally respected legal scholar and recognised awesome-judgement-haver Kyle Sandilands is making that return to commercial television for which the people of Australia have been ceaselessly clamouring since 2011.

The show has been described as a “Judge Judy style program”, which at first seemed like an odd choice – after all, Judge Judy mainly wears black judicial robes, making her style a very easy one to emulate.

Honestly, all you’d need is a doily and a bedsheet.

However, it turns out that the format of the program will be modelled upon that of Judge Judy, rather than Sandilands hosting a program dedicated to Judith Sheindlin’s fashion sense. Which, to be fair, sounds more fun.

You might recall that the host of this upcoming triumph of the televisual arts was rumoured to be Real Housewives of Melbourne alumnus Gina Liano, who is an actual barrister. So we’re assuming that there’s some sort of mad beef brewing between she and Sandilands that will shortly erupt into a war of words because that would also sound more fun than this.

And for his part, Sandilands sounds both gracious and delighted to be returning to Channel 10!

“I hold grudges normally,” he announced on his radio show, reportedly to the surprise of Channel 10 who hadn’t planned to launch it just yet. “But [in this instance] I don’t because I’m returning to Channel Ten, the people who terribly fired me back in the day. If I hold grudges, why would I go back to a dog of a network that treated me so badly?”

Mmm. Classy.

And of course Kyle’s had great success in interrogating people to find out the truth. You know, like that time he had a 14 year old girl hooked up to a lie detector and asked her about her sex life on live radio, at which point she revealed that she’d been raped. Glad we’ve all gotten past that, huh?

Anyway, the show – in which, in Sandilands’ words, “People will come in with their stupid arguments” – is called Trial By Kyle, which presumably means they ruled out better titles like Kyle By JuryKyle And Error, Entitled Man’s TV Sulk Hour and Cloud Shouter: The Series.

Still, hopefully there’s a house band and that it’s called Kyle and the Sandi-Lads. That’d be worth tuning in for.

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