Bleats

John Cleese Has Gone Full Raving Granddad And That Makes Us Sad

Can someone get poppa a towel? He's having one of his turns.

As the UK lurches toward yet another Brexit deadline and ethnocentric political parties and outspoken white supremacists get more vocal and divisive, revered British comedian and man who shouts at clouds John Cleese has decided that the world needed a reminder of one of his worst hot takes.

Viz: that London was no longer “an English city”.

Cheers for the insight, pops.

And of course when someone says that the capital city of England, located in England, is not really an English city any more you know what he’s getting at. That it’s got all them… you know, them foreigners in it.

And if there’s one person qualified to opine about the negative impact of immigrants it’s a British man who now lives on the Caribbean island and well-rated tax haven of Nevis. You know, the Englishest place on the planet.

It comes on the heels of his fellow Monty Python alumnus Terry Gilliam telling Variety that the #metoo movement was “mob rule” and that hey, everyone knows that if ladies want to get into acting then they have to have sex with powerful men.

“Harvey [Weinstein] opened the door for a few people, a night with Harvey — that’s the price you pay,” said the powerful man from the entertainment industry. “It is a world of victims. I think some people did very well out of meeting with Harvey and others didn’t. The ones who did, knew what they were doing.”

Honestly, kids. Don’t have countercultural heroes. They just turn into reactionary dickheads.

The UK Has Now Deemed Milkshakes An Offensive Weapon

Yes, milkshakes - or, as we shall now call them, "the eggs of the North"

Like eggs in Australia, the humble milkshake has become the weapon of choice by British protestors unimpressed with the views of politicians with whom they disagree.

And thus, bizarrely, UK police have had the unenviable job of telling local fast food vendors located near planned far-right protests that they should not vend milkshakes or icecream, lest it be used in an offensive rather than refreshing capacity.

Enter Burger King – the vast multinational fast food chain turned unexpected anti-fascist underdog by defying this edict ahead of a pro-Brexit rally in Edinburgh by Nigel Farage, former leader of UK Independence Party.

Needless to say, this in itself caused a mini-uproar on Twitter where they were accused of encouraging political violence, holding political opinions they had no right to hold as a business, and all the other usual

Was this a brave stand on European unity? A cynical bit of confectionary-based culture-war profiteering? A firm commitment to their lactose-enhanced bottom line? It’s hard to know.

Whether or not all the boys were or were not subsequently brought to the yard could not be confirmed by press time.

Sony Is Outing Playstation Jerks And It's Absolutely Perfect

They're flagging the fraggers

It’s been a dark day for Playstation Network’s premier edgelords.

Just imagine: you log into Call of Duty and abruptly find that your awesome snowflake-triggering gamer name has been changed to Temp787875. B-but what has happened? How will people know that you’re a totally badass bigot?  Is it a conspiracy? Is this censorship? Is it political correctness GONE MAD???

And the answer is yes, pretty much.

“WHY AM I EVEN USING A WIRED CONTROLLER????”

Sony quietly rolled out a surprise change to their T&Cs around offensive usernames, meaning that if a name is flagged by another user as being offensive it will be looked at by moderators. If they agree, it’s immediately erased and replaced with a temporary name until the user can come up with something less stupid.

It’s a somewhat more elegant – and also playfully infuriating – option than banning the person outright or erasing someone’s game ID from the system. They get to keep their achievements and so on, they just get a nice public reminder to play nice.

The bonus with this is that Sony have now equipped offensive players with a nice obvious red flag for other players to see and go “whoa, a Temp? I’m not activating voice chat, no-o-o-o-o-o.”

Why can’t we all just get along, playerz? WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

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