Bleats

Never Forget Scott Morrison Roasted A Cop For Dipping During A Bushfire

Irony is dead.

In April 2010, Australia was reeling from the Black Saturday bushfires that had destroyed over 2000 homes and killed 173 people the year before. Once the fires had been put out, a young Liberal MP by the name of Scott Morrison went on Q&A to condemn Victoria’s then police chief Christine Nixon for grabbing dinner at a pub while the fires burned. 

The very same Scott Morrison who would later jet off to Hawai’i while the whole country burned, by the way.

“She’s clearly made a bad judgment call. That happens to people from time to time, but this was a very serious issue,” Scott Morrison said.

“I think there are very serious concerns in the community about exercising judgment, and it’s incumbent on all of us in public life to make decisions following that in the best interests of the ongoing nature of the program.”

John Brumby was the Victorian Premier at the time, and when he stood behind Christine Nixon, we can all guess what happened – Scott Morrison dug his heels in.

“I think what’s most important here gets beyond any one individual, and that is public confidence in how the reconstruction effort is taking place.”

“And while the premier may have made his call on Christine, it really is a matter for her to make a judgment whether the controversy surrounding her actions actually, at the end of the day, may well impede the ability of that organisation to get on with the job.”

I wish I was making this up, honestly. Public confidence in reconstruction efforts? You couldn’t have come up with a better line even if you knew what was going to happen in 2019, because good grief, not many people have any confidence at all in the reconstruction efforts of these fires. 

So take a lesson from our brave and noble leader. Going and grabbing Christmas dinner at the pub is far, far worse than f*cking off to Hawai’i while the country burns.

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A Handy Guide To Talking To Your Cool Teenage Cousins This Christmas

So... what's your favourite TikTok?

Some family members are harder to talk to than others during Christmas lunch, and today I’m thinking specifically about your cool younger cousin. When they were eight you could just ask them which one was their favourite Power Ranger and that would be the topic of conversation for the next hour, but now that doesn’t fly as easily.

There’s a good chance I’m going to Ok Boomer myself here, but after a lot of discussion, here are a couple of topics that should at least get you through until dinner.

Fortnite
Come on, we had to start here. It’s everywhere at the moment and has been for months, and even if you haven’t played the game you’ve absolutely seen kids doing the dances from it. Usually in the checkout line at the shops. 

This dance

Basically it’s a cross between Minecraft and Call Of Duty. It’s cartoony, and you get to build stuff while trying to shoot people. The best part is that some kids are making millions off of it.

Climate Change
Kids are way smarter today than a lot of us were at their age. At thirteen most of my attention was spent on which fluro sunglasses would go best with my new JayJays top, but thirteen year olds today know heaps about the planet and how to protect it. Greta Thunberg is only sixteen, for God’s sake.

These glasses

Sure, it may not be a cheery topic, but grab a snag and ask how they’re feeling after all the bushfires around the country, and you can at least bond over mutual terror at the thought of the future. 

TikTok
It’s like Vine but the videos are longer. Actually do take a look if you get the chance, kids are on there making funny and wholesome videos, and well as giving lessons in racism and making political statements

But there’s also heaps of this

Just don’t ask “so… what’s your favourite TikTok” because that is for sure not a cool question.

Festivals
Summer is upon us, maybe they’re heading out to one of the many many festivals over New Years Eve. This is a versatile one because you can compare music tastes, share horror stories about camping (we’ve all been there), and even chat pill testing if you want to get deep.

Party hard

Give Up
If all else fails, accept that we’re no longer cool youths and ask “how’s school,” even though we all absolutely hated that when we were their age. Or try the Power Ranger question again.

Always be in the loop with our snackable podcast breaking the biggest story of the day. Subscribe to It’s Been A Big Day For… on your favourite podcast app.

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